Color Me Crazy

As if the drama last night wasn’t enough, I got called a ‘crazy racist’ online today because I wasn’t attracted to a guy sexually. Not the first time and probably not the last. Here is our conversation.

Him: Nice profile and pics, wanna come f*ck me?

Me: Hey bud, I appreciate the offer but not really a match for me. Happy Hunting.

Him: Why don’t you just admit your crazy racist ass-hole. You make me sick. [1]I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.

Me: Wait. Because, I’m not attracted to you, I’m a racist asshole? And first you want me to fuck you but then I make you sick? Which is it? I could have just hit the delete button like a lot of guys on here. I took the time to politely say, “no thanks” and I’m the asshole? So, in that vein of thought, what I should have said is, “no thanks, your fugly”. Would that have been better? Do me a favor, don’t project your inability to handle rejection onto me.

Him: *I got a follow up reply but I deleted it without opening it.*

Like I said, I could have handled it better by just ignoring his pissy email. That’s my shit and I own it, moving on. Keeping in mind here, there are no racial references for or against anywhere in any of my profile(s). This leap of logic on his part was unfounded and completely out of line.


So, to beat this horse properly we first need to identify several important but often lost distinctions. First, there is the very real existence of racism. Right behind that comes ignorance/indifference. And bringing up the rear (pun intended) is physical attraction (or not) to certain physical traits common to one race or another.

I am not so foolish to think racism is gone in America. Quite the contrary, some of the nasty fallout over our new president shows it is still very much alive. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Forgetting for a moment the races are blending more and more with every generation, dismissing a whole section of society based solely on their race is offensive and can be classified as racism.

In relation to the gay community, I don’t think it is out and out racism as much as ignorance. [2]I am not excusing it, just stating an observation. I can’t tell you how often I see profiles with “not into Blacks or Asians.” You may not intend to be offensive but that is exactly what you are doing by making such statements. Imagine how you’d feel reading a profile of someone you found attractive and they dismissed your entire existence based on your race. I particularly love how some guys try to apologize at the same time for saying such things. If you have to apologize perhaps you shouldn’t say it. How about you just leave it out. Nothing compels you to reply, meet, or hookup with anyone you don’t wish to. Why add such inflammatory language to your profile? [3]Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Of course, when it comes to sex you can’t force physical attraction or the lack thereof. Attraction, like our sexuality, is not always a quantifiable behavior. For the purpose of this rant, I am referring specifically to attraction and race. And herein lies the most important distinction I feel is often lost on so many. Not being attracted to a physical trait(s) common to one race or another is not racism. From my own observations, I think this is often the real root of the matter but given the ignorance mentioned above, the line quickly becomes blurred. Want a sure fire way to know? Its quite simple. If you really have no racial hang-ups, you will find that there are always exceptions to your attraction (or lack) to a particular race.

For myself, I rarely think in term of absolutes so saying I’m not into a whole race would be a lie. I have my range and it commonly crosses the races. I’ll also admit there are some physical traits common to some races I am not attracted to. And while this is a racial issue it is only in the sense of physical attraction. However, that is never an absolute either. I don’t give a rats ass what color your skin is, if I like what you have to offer and you flop it in front of me, I’m gonna taste it. Or, if I don’t, I won’t.


1 I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.
2 I am not excusing it, just stating an observation.
3 Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

9 thoughts on “Color Me Crazy”

  1. Yeah, the twitling apparently has issues. The problem is his and NOT you by any means.

    BTW = The banners on the very top of the page are messed up. The coding shows. Dunno if it was visible on your end.

    @lee ~ Its fixed. I accidentally activated an old plugin not compatible with this version of WP.

  2. Sounds like he just needed a reason to feel okay about rejection. or he just has a chip on his shoulder. Or maybe he has suffered racism in other aspects of his life, so it's an easy leap for him.

    I don't know. Back to "flopping it out in front of you"…

  3. You were polite, he was an ass. People will find offense in anything if they're out looking to be offended.

  4. The online world is full of crazies! I was briefly chatting with a fellow motorcyclist and another got all indignant when I didn't respond quick enough. Then he called my bike a name just to make himself feel superior… So it's not just racism… It's the other party's inability to get immediate satisfaction, thinking they are all that.

  5. You're right, racism is still alive and well even here in the 21st century.

    That said, race was never a barrier for me when it comes to attraction. A long deceased friend used to tell me I was doing the international club when I was a young one.

    Skin color, accent, those didn't make a damned bit of difference to me. If I thought you were cute/handsome then we'd be off to a good start.

    But by being gay we automatically discriminate, women are a clear example. I get chatted up by women all the time so I drop the "I'm gay" thing early on. If they stick fine, just know that there isn't any sexual attraction and you gain a loyal friend.

  6. I really hate reading someone's Bigmusclebear profile or other personal ad and come across laundry lists of dislikes, especially the "No [racial group X or Y]." It surprises me that people can be so mean, "no hurt intended!"

  7. I think you handled that well. The other guy flew off the handle for no real reason, and choosing to ignore his response blast was probably a good thing. Otherwise, it would have added fuel to his flame.

  8. This reminds me of the twink who wanted me to F-uck him… and when I told him I wasn't interested (because I don't like muscled twinks), he insisted I wasn't gay – because as he said "I'm one of the hottest guys on this planet". Not so much.

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