Category: culture

Bears or Bust

My ride along today was pretty uneventful.1 I’ve settled into a good rhythm with the crew I ride with. They no longer feel the need to point everything out to me or even see if I know. If something big comes up, I ask or just take direction. We do the job and and still manage to have a good time of it. That said, I was rushed this morning and forgot my lunch along my clothing sheers. No biggie as they always have extra on board. However, we were kinda busy so getting a lunch break was tough. I ended up being the fortunate benefactor of an ER nurse who brought a grilled chicken sandwich down from the cafe for me.2 I tried to be grateful w/o encouraging her. I don’t think I succeeded though.

I had forgotten it’s IBR (Internationl Bear Rendezvous) weekend. Well, until I got home and discovered all the bears descending upon the Castro. It was as if someone had kicked over an antbed full of “bears”. lol I’ve been told recently because of my newish facial hair, I qualify as a bear or some other moniker I can’t think of at the moment. I don’t really feel like a bear. I didn’t do it to make the jump. I only mention it because it seems every year more and more “bears” develop an attitude toward the non-bears. As if you aren’t furry like a goat or your belly doesn’t protrude over your waistline, you are the enemy.3 Last year, a rather large queen had the audacity to say to my face, I wasn’t his type because I was too much of a gym bunny. We werent’ even in conversation. He just made a point to say it loud enough I could hear. Sad in my opinion but not completley unexpected. I think the bear community formed in part due to larger folks being shunned by the “pretty boy” crowd.4 So now, they’ve become the very thing they oppose? Ring any bells? It should.

I try not get get annoyed by the stupidity of a few but it does get tiresome. I get sick of all the in-fighting in our culture. The butch vs the fems, the neg vs the poz, the buff vs the bears. It doesn’t have to be that way. Not everyone you meet is an asshole. Some of us are quite nice. This year, I’m hoping for better.

1 Well as uneventful as one can expect riding on an ambulance.
2 I discovered recently she has a big crush on me. Lord, is she in for a heart ache!
3 Obviously, I’m over generalizing to make a point. I know plenty of “bears” here who are very nice. I boinked one just last week. *g*
4 I’m not now nor have I ever been a “pretty boy”.

What’s Next?

A resounding thank you, thank you for the belated birthday wishes. Alas, I didn’t take any pics while down in lala land. I’m horrible w/remembering to take the damn camera. You’ll just have to take my word for it, a good time was had by all.

I did get a few admonishments for not announcing my birthday up front. Well, pay attention. How much plainer could I have made it? *g* Joking aside, I normally don’t make a big deal over my birthdays. So what if I’m a year older. I survived the childhood from hell. Nothing since has ever been that difficult. My life continually gets better1 so I’m not complaining. Sure the vain part of me is beginning to notice I’m not young anymore; I have a few wrinkles here and there. My hair is ever getting shorter.2 And the boys aren’t as quick to look my way. But hey, that is the nature of life so why should I resent it?

I’m still in the best shape of my life. Oh, I whine about my muscle loss but that is minor compared to when I was uber skinny. I also have a job that pays the bills and allows me some room for playtime. My career of choice is on track albeit a bit slow. My health is good for my age. What’s to complain about? Oh sure, I could have been hung rich, pretty, or all of the above. Hell, I could have been a lot of things. And if a frog had longer legs he wouldn’t bump his ass either. My point here is I learned, somewhat painfully, to worry about what-is vs. what-might-have-been. I try to make the best with what I got. And frankly, I think I’m doing a pretty damn good job of it.

In simpler terms, I treat this body like a rental! I won’t be going to my grave some pristine corpse. Oh no, I plan on skidding into the grave a 60 mph a tore-up-from-the-floor-up, used and abused husk! I may not get my deposit back but that’s ok too. I’ll be able to say “what a ride!”

1 *Crossed fingers* it stays that way.
2 As I get older, I realize it is not falling out, it is falling thru!

Hipo What?

An anonymous reader called me a hypocrite today. Now before all my “homies” start yelling “oh no he didn’t!“, hold on a sec. If I consider myself anything, it is that I am fair-minded. Mr. Anon had a problem with my rant on stanky steam rooms (see below) and my comment on Joe My God’s blog about Gold’s gym getting busted by the Dept. of Health.

So, I thought about it to see if I really was being a hypocrite. I’m not seeing it. And, if you actually read my response1 you’d see I didn’t speak out against the issue. I did rant about Gold’s lack of consistency and my own observations. A clear distinction and not the least bit hypocritical. I think the real issue is Mr. Anon has a problem w/my behavior in general. I have no intention of trying to convince you I’m right. Nor will I make any apologies2, I am a grown man and take responsibility for my actions. If you know me, you know I often describe myself as an “opportunist.” Meaning? Why I never pass up a good time if it presents itself of course. Yes, that sometimes might include the steam room. The error in your judgment is that my self-indulgence is at the expense of other people’s comfort.

Lastly, you didn’t have to be anonymous. I encourage disagreeable comments as long as they are respectful. While a bit accusatory, you were respectful. I will add here it diminishes a belief in your convictions when you remain so “anonymous”.

1 I hate haloscan for this reason. It is too hard to link directly to my comment. Instead click the link, bring up the comments and then do a search for “moby”.
2 Since your email address was fake, I felt the need to redress your comments here.

Say “Cheese”

I often repeat myself so if this is such a case, my apologies in advance. My rant today is in reference to a message I got from an anonymous person on gaydar.co.uk. I say anonymous because his profile was devoid of pictures and had the barest of details filled out. Forgetting for a moment my profile states if you contact me, please have pics of yourself or don’t expect a response.

Said person, sends me a message. “Hey, you’re Hot” or something to that affect. Being overly tired of people not actually reading the profile before responding, I hit the generic “no thanks” button. His reply, “Go fuck yourself you stupid rude cunt.“. Hmmmm . . . I’m rude? I think someone is suffering from a delusion I give a shit. I kindly hit the block button and that was the end of that.

I bring it up because, in the age of the internet, people have the illusion that 1) you can log on and remain completely anonymous and 2) by being anonymous, absolve yourself of any responsibility for your behavior. Frankly, I do not concur.

Sites like gaydar.co.uk, manhunt, tribe, myspace, etc serve a purpose. Whether sexual or not, they exist to promote human interaction. It kind of defeats that purpose when you are acting John Doe. And no, it does not make you more alluring. If anything, it has just the opposite affect unless you are desperate. In an age of technology, one is left to ponder why (oh why) does some one need to be so invisible? In the gay world, it usually stems from one (or more) sources.

1) You are a narcissist but afraid to admit it.
2) You are too lazy to get off your ass and make an effort. Whether it be thru a filled out profile or having pictures of yourself.
3) You are ashamed of yourself be it behavior or appearance.
4) You are being deceitful w/someone else (Usually a lover or partner)

Regardless of the reason, I could care less. I have no time for such dramatics. Being from the South and an Aquarian, I am an incredibly social person. That said, I do not care for faceless interaction. Take my blog for example. Every person on my favorites list, I’ve either met in person or had enough interaction with to feel a connection to, be it bouncing between blogs, emails, chats, gaming, phone calls, etc. I also have a rather clear idea what they look like. I could see them on the street and recognize them.

The other part of my little tirade today is this. If you log onto a sex site looking for nookie and someone ignores you, don’t freak out. You shouldn’t be gleaning your self-respect from your sexual conquests first of all (so been there done that, still have the tshirt). All it means, is said person does not wish to have sex w/you. There is nothing that says they have too. And if you id is that fragile, you shouldn’t be online in the first place. If you take the time to send me a message beyond “sup” or “what are you into?“, I usually take the time to reply back. However, if I’m busy, distracted, or annoyed, I may just hit the delete button. It doesn’t mean I hate you, I’m just not interested in swapping bodily fluids with you. Rejection is part of life. You will never be everything to everyone. And expecting to is a recipe for misery.

So to recap my little BF today. If you choose to be “discreet” or “anonymous” on the net that is certainly your choice. It is my choice not to interact w/you. If you refuse to relent then don’t be bitter at others who also refuse to relent. And if you are bitter and lash out it only makes you look a) desperate or b) like an ass.

Hot Topics

Since google’s blogs all seem to be offline at the moment, I can’t check however, I’m pretty sure Joe.my.god knows he was featured in Advocates “Best Of” guide this month. I discovered him completely by accident while getting the hooves filed down today.

There he was big as life. Congrats big fella.

Rajun Cajun

Quite unexpectedly, I ran into an adorable cajun boy at the gym today. Not only sexy but turns out he is quite the sweetheart too. After our very enjoyable carnal encounter, I invited him to lunch and we had a great time hanging out. Don’t get me wrong, it was nothing more than good company. But, I forget sometimes how good ‘good company‘ feels. He was a most welcome distraction.

He is new to the city from brettcajun‘s neck of the woods, New Orleans. Aspiring actor, bartendar, and soon to be heart-breaker as well I bet. SF can be a hard city to live in if you can’t pay the bills. I hope he gains the foothold he needs to get established. Only time will tell. In the meantime, I think we might hang out again once I’m back from vacation.

Speaking of chores, I have to head off and finish my laundry. I’m sure you know now much I love that.

Winding Down

Gay High Holy day has come and gone and the city is slowly winding down returning to it’s normal self. There are lots of “boys” still hanging out. The difference today is no more leather. They’ve put all their drag away and switched back into regular garb. The scruff and 5 O’clock shadow promptly shaved away and replaced w/some much needed moisturizer. Yes, gone are the wanna-be daddies. In it’s place, packs of boys1 roaming the streets w/shopping bags and designer sunglasses in tow. I can’t hep but see the irony in it all. We go out of our way to dispel the negative stereotypes of the past while creating new ones for the future. The point here kiddies is you don’t have to dress up to have a good time. Go as yourself for a change. I just can’t help but laugh at how we shun drag queens but we uplift leather drag. Don’t kid yourself, it is drag just in a different fashion. (pun intended)

For all it’s glamour, Folsom has become a victim of it’s own growth. The event was started by the leather community as a way to give back to the community whilst celebrating diversity and sexual freedom. In the early years, it was truly an event not to be missed. And like many overlooked distinctions in our culture, Folsom has become just another catch phrase for corporate sponsorship and excuse to party to excess2. I can’t tell you the number of gasps I got when folks learned I had a free ticket to both Magnitude and Real Bad3, neither of which I went to. God forbid I miss out on the ‘it parties‘, whatever that means.

For my part, I had a good time at Folsom. But I have a good time at almost anything I set my mind too. I think next year I’ll work the event as an EMT or skip it all together. Too much focus is placed on the look and parties vs the meaning behind it these days. The newness has long worn off for me and I already live most of the things Folsom is supposed to represent.

A nod here to We, Like Sheep4.


1 ‘boy’ is my term for the trendy tight t-shirt and shorts combo that is almost the standard gay apparel these days.

2 Please don’t confuse my rant as an open dislike for the fair. It offers so much to so many. Anytime someone has a chance to express themselves, whatever the reasons, I support that. My life is already an open expression so I guess the purpose of Folsom is lost on me.

3 Working for a charity involved in the community does have it’s rewards.

4 I totally stole his method of using footnotes as expressions. I just thought it fair to give him credit.

Hard Gay?

I’m fond of teasing my compadres at work and they me. Today, we were laughing about some of the reality shows on TV these days and I made a passing comment “that is so gay”. Apparently, coming from a gay man, my straight counterparts found that extremely hilarious. One of the more macho guys laughed so hard he fell off his chair. I didn’t really say it to be funny. However, it made the rounds all over the room. I guess if you are out and gay and you call something else gay, it’s uber-gay! Who knew?

And has anyone else heard of the “hard gay” guy from Japan? My counter-part, kristaki, has and finds him utterly hilarious as well. What say you?

Gay High Holy Day

Next to Gay Pride, the Folsom St. Fair is the biggest gay event of the year here in SF. It is also the 2nd largest source of event income for the city. Some call it a debacle others call it a glorious celebration of sexuality and leather. Whatever you call it, it delivers a massive turnout of gays from all over the world. Oddly enough, I’ll be able to attend this year.

Normally, I work the event w/BCC but since I resigned this week that won’t happen. In brief, too much drama and very little support. They don’t care so neither do I. It was a chore I used to love and now it’s become a major pain in my ass. Not only that, I discovered today they are getting way overcharged for their domain hosting account. I’ve been trying to get’em to switch for months and months. Maybe now they will listen. Of course, I don’t give a rats tooty anymore. It means one less thing on my plate so there is a small silver lining on this cloud.

Work is busy as hell. I’m on so many damn committees I can’t keep up. Not to mention, I started a newsletter. OY! I got very discouraged this week from people’s petty bitching but that is the nature of the beast so deal with it right? Lots of changes in the works, all good so far. Keep your fingers crossed.

Home life is no different. NO social life so nothing new to update there. My friend Trev from Houston is coming to visit for the Fair. I took the week off as originally I was involved w/work for three different charities over Folsom weekend. Now that I’ve resigned from BCC, I’ll have more time to spend w/him. I hope my karma can survive the hit. (kidding of course) It will be odd to actually attend the fair instead of working it for a change. I also heard a dirty rumor that joe.my.god is coming to town.

I found a good bid for a painter. He is supposed to finish the job just in time for my friends visit so I’m excited. Of course, this means I have to put the damn entertainment center together now. @#$%!

Not No But Hell NO

I got dished today. Even harder than last time. Even moi gets kicked to the curb sometimes.

I’ve been seeing this guy around town for awhile now. At least a year. Usually in the gay ghetto or ghayto as I call it. Now my gaydar is pretty good but my nookie-dar is even better. But, I admit this guy had me a little stumped. He’d give me just enough signals to think he was interested but then he’d walk away. And for clarity, what I’d observed of said fella, I liked. I fancied him enough to consider asking him out. I know I know, God forbid I actually go on a date vs a booty call.

Today, I’m at Daddybucks catching up on some charity work. I see him as I enter and again w/the glances. As fate would have it, the only open seat was directly behind him just inside (he was outside). I sit down, setup, and start working. Every so often he literally turns far enough around to look at me. And the looks are coming fast and strong so I decide to return the favor. He is eating up. Then, status quo, he gets up and leaves. I’m miffed but not over annoyed at this point. Twenty minutes later he comes back. Not one glance this time. He spends a few minutes in conversation w/the bear congregation in front then comes inside. My first thought was he was coming over to say hi. Nay. He sits down w/this guy on the bench along the wall. Next to me but slightly to the back. I’m figuring he is using this as an excuse to get close enough to spark a conversation. Nay again fellow blogger. No, as it turns out he and this guy are “meeting” for the first time and a very intimate conversation ensues. Soon to be followed by some fumbling and petting.

At this point, I’m a little disgusted. I mean come on. Here you are going all gooey eyes for me and you turn and start rotating this guys crank right in front of me. I know I shouldn’t have been but I was pissed. After a few minutes, I packed up and left. (On a side note, this gave me the impetus to get my ass home to do laundry.)

So being a more than a little disappointed, it hasn’t ruined my mood. It’s been a hard couple of weeks and frankly, I don’t have time to let such nonsense ruin my day. However, I’m amazed at how fickle fags can be sometimes. I’m trying not to sound like a hypocrite here. I get around and it’s no secret I’m generous w/the nookie. However, I don’t “work” someone that hard and then switch to the next fella right in front of them!

Men. ba humbug Why couldn’t I have been a lesbian? (g)