Category: me

Civic

Everyone is jockeying for the moral high ground after the Ferguson verdict. Social media is a shit-show of everyone pointing fingers at each other. I won’t even go into all the judge/juries that have appointed them selves verdict makers on Brown/Wilson’s implied guilt.

I feel like I have a unique perspective on the subject. [1] No surprise there right? lol   There is my work side that deals with law-enforcement issues every day of my career. I can see valid points from the officer’s story. There were several things Brown could have done to avoid the confrontation. Then there is my gay side that grew up at the hands of very rough and not so friendly police on more than one occasion. I can see valid points from Brown’s family. The police could have handled the situation better and not necessarily let it escalate out of control. 

The reality is neither side is blameless. No one has the moral high ground here. And no one should walk away feeling like they lost/won. We all lost. People often can’t resolve the cognitive dissonance created by the ambiguity of fault or blame. And because of this, we can’t admit that neither side is blameless. Brown refused to comply, Wilson overreacted. [2]Please spare me unnecessary rants on the variances of this over simplification

No matter who’s side you are on it still means nothing unless we act. If we truly want to fix these problems, we must move beyond the never-ending and condescending tantrums via social media. And while petitions and marches in the streets are excellent displays of solidarity, they are not enough. These things depend on someone else to fix our problems.

We as a citizenry must be involved. We cannot abandon, thru indifference, our oversight of those we place in power and be surprised when it suddenly becomes corrupt. Civic duty is not just serving jury duty or voting, begrudgingly. It is our guaranteed right thru the freedoms granted us. But we must exercise those rights. It should not be something we only do when it is convenient. It should be a part of our daily lives. [3]Do me a favor and read this paragraph again  If more of us get involved, we won’t need to constantly focus on blame. We’ll be in forums to constantly give oversight, feedback, and accountability to both sides.

Basically, I’m saying be involved or shut up and accept your servitude. It is that simple. Like any living thing, democracy must be fed or it dies from neglect. Go to your local police community meetings. If they aren’t offered,  rally your neighbors and friends and demand they have them. Go to your governing body’s public meetings. Call, write, and/or email your local and state leaders. And don’t do it once and call it good. Involvement is ongoing. Embrace your civic duties. Then and only then can we see real change.

References

References
↑1 No surprise there right? lol
↑2 Please spare me unnecessary rants on the variances of this over simplification
↑3 Do me a favor and read this paragraph again

Corrected

Well,  I survived my surgery. Lol  As you

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My eye

can see,  I’m on the mend.  The doc says the procedure went very well and he was able to accomplish everything.

Apparently, the problem has been brewing for some time.  The lower orbital bone was very thin due to constant pressure over a long period of time.  The final conclusion is my condition is genetic and the previous latent sinus infection may have just helped bring it forward sooner. He said had the bone completely disappeared,  the fix would have been much more involved. I guess in an odd way,  the infection turned out to be a good thing. 

The procedure itself was pretty simple.  The goal was to insert a polyurethane ‘sled’ into the orbital sheath that surrounds my eye. It sits above the orbital bone but below the eye.  He didn’t have to cut my face at all; he went thru the eye lid.  Basically,  he made an incision in the orbital sheath, shoved the sled in,  and then placed it properly.  Apparently,  he had to make some last minute modifications as the eye sinkage was down and backwards or inward.  The inwards part is what is believed to have caused the double vision.  Anyway, he was very pleased with the procedure and said it went as well as it could have been expected. 

My vision was immediately better,  even from my initial recovery from anesthesia.  The range I could turn my head without incurring double vision was greater and my eyes take less time to focus. At the follow up visit the next day he said I should continue to expect small gradual improvements as the swelling goes down and it heals.  I can no longer see a difference in my eyeballs,  they look perfectly even again.  [1]On close inspection,  you could actually see that my right eye was lower and slightly sunken in compared to the left one.   My eye still looks a bit sunken but that would be from all the swelling.  Lol  He seemed a bit proud of himself when measuring them.  I guess it isn’t a perfect science and ‘results may vary’. I still have some double visions but even that is reduced and the angle to incur it is back to levels that would be very livable even if I saw no more improvement. 

He thinks my vision,  in regards to the diploma,  will return to normal once all the swelling goes down.  In the event it doesn’t,  any minor corrections can be accomplished with contacts/glasses.  They would not go back in to ‘adjust’  the sled unless there was ‘slippage’.  Again,  he seemed to indicate the sled was a perfect fit and I shouldn’t expect any problems.  Since,  I already need contacts for my slight near-sightedness in the same eye,  it would just be a matter of adjusting my prescription with a slight prism enhancement.

So far,  my daily vision is better.  I’ve noticed several improvements including  no more feelings that my eyes were routinely fighting with each other for focus.  It sounds odd but I’d begun to notice my right eye was weaker. Anytime,  my head tilt didn’t compensate for proper view,  the right eye would sort of just give up for a bit then finally refocus.  That affect is all but gone now. The double vision at sharp angles and looking up is still present but greatly reduced.  I’m hopeful each day will bring additional improvements.  Either way,  I’m eagerly awaiting being all healed up.

I don’t think I realized how much it bothered me until after I had the surgery.  We pretty much take our vision for granted in our daily comings/goings.  Before the surgery,  it had gone from being a random annoyance to a daily struggle.  It would often take minutes vs seconds for my eyes to gain cohesive focus in the mornings. Anything outside the front facing slightly downward view would become two images.  It was odd noticing how much detail was lost when trying to ascertain between two distinct images. My apprehension level went up every day as my vision decreased. People had started commenting on the angle of my head as I had developed an unconscious habit of tiling my head up to compensate. Ironically,  work life was impacted the least.  I think because I already tend to view my monitors slightly below eye level.  Anyway,  the daily coping would have only lasted so much longer. Now that the surgery is over my eye sight is amazingly better.  Seeing the abrupt difference really brought home how bad it had gotten.  I’m incredibly grateful it went ok. 

Now, I just need to wait it out.  Daily eye drops and lots of ice for the swelling. Time will tell if my vision is 95% or 90% restored.

References

References
↑1 On close inspection,  you could actually see that my right eye was lower and slightly sunken in compared to the left one.

Eyeball

I’m scheduled to go in for my second (and hopefully) final procedure tomorrow. As mentioned, the first procedure was to clean out the latent infection in my sinus.

I’ve officially been diagnosed with asymptomatic chronic maxillary sinusitis, otherwise known as silent sinus syndrome. It is somewhat uncommon but basically my right sinus is reduced in size. The infection could have been part of that, it could have been genetic, or both. Regardless, the reduced sinus is putting negative pressure on my orbital socket. Basically, it is pulling my eye down.

The procedure tomorrow requires the doc to insert a ‘sled’ into my eye to restore the orbit to its normal position. In most cases, patients with diplopia symptoms, like myself, go back to normal or almost normal vision. I certainly hope I fall into the ‘normal’ category.

It is considered out-patient procedure and I should only need a day or two recovery. Last time I had more recovery from the anesthesia than I did the procedure itself. lol

This will be the 4th official implant. Both collar bones and one leg. If I turn ashen grey and start spouting "we are borg", you know I’ve turned into an evil cyborg bent on world domination. Until then, fingers crossed everything goes well tomorrow!

Learn-ed

It should come as no surprise that I have a slightly twisted sense of humor. Knowing that, it should also not surprise you that I enjoyed the act of explaining the difference between being stupid or ignorant to someone recently.

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I comment a lot on news blogs/sites these days. This often earns me a ton of hateful comments/emails. Since my blog usually doesn’t allow new commentors w/o the author having been approved at least once, they end up in my inbox. heehee I don’t share them on my blog because that is not my purpose. One day I might do a post dedicated to a small list of the champions. I mostly ignore them but every now and then the desire to “correct someone on the internet who is wrong” is too strong to resist. lol

I usually try not to be insulting, rude, or a jerk but we all have our limits. Beyond that, I’m also fair-minded and a big believer if you complain, offer a solution to fix the problem. I often war with myself over whether I should ‘feed the trolls‘ by commenting or just ignore it. The level of ignorance and anti-inllectualism prevelant in society is alarming. If we don’t find some way to counter-act that nonsense, we are headed for a social calamity soon. 

Until then, I humbly strive to pick and choose my battles with the forces of ignorance.

Loopy

Well, I’m finally feeling almost normal again. It only took four days after the sedation for it to happen. I must say I’m a little bit surprised it took so long. Everyone keeps telling me my body needs more rest but I’ve never taken this long to ‘bounce back‘ before. I have very little physical discomfort but the light-headness and down right crankiness has stayed with me. The Pup says I’ve been a little more silly at home the last few days. [1]I’m never cranky with him. Yes, I realize it could be my age. But I’m also thinking it has a lot to do with my lack of gym attendance. I haven’t really been consistently working out and I definitely feel the difference. The last couple surgeries were much more invasive and I was nowhere near this messed up aftewards.

I ended up calling off work early yesterday as I just couldn’t focus and my crankiness was getting the better of me. [2]Never a good thing. lol I guess I should have taken more time off. Coworkers have noticed and commented on how much more of myself I am today so I guess it has showed.

I had my Post Op appointment with the doc yesterday and he didn’t seem worried. He indicated it wasn’t unusual to feel some after effects. The procedure was a success and there appears to be no need to do any follow up work to clean out the latent infection material. He did spring the news that he wants to refer me to yet another specialist for the final surgery. Just what I need, another round of copays and visits. But to be fair, I guess I’d rather have someone who already does the work I need vs just taking a stab at it. I’m looking at 4-6 weeks, which puts it right smake in the middle of the holidays. Work will be so pleased. (NOT!)

References

References
↑1 I’m never cranky with him.
↑2 Never a good thing. lol

Recover

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​I had the first of the two procedures to correct my vision/eye problems this week. The first one dealt with going into the sinus to clean out the fluid filled cyst like thingy. The procedure went off without any problems. I did have to be sedated but beyond that it went fine. As you can see from the pic, they had me in a lovely outfit prior to the procedure.

The doc wants the area to heal up completely before they do the second procedure to put in the little metal plate. I’m hoping to have it done before the new year but it could go into January. Basically, the doc will slide the plate into the bottom of the orbital sheath around my eye to lift it back into its proper spot. This should fix my diplopia completely. [1]Fingers crossed

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On a side tangent, I’ve been through several surgeries in my life with 2 in just the last 10 years. None of them really worried me in the sense that I wouldn’t wake up from it. Even though I’m pretty much healthy as an ox, I’ll admit to having been a bit worried something bad would happen this time around. I guess there is still a small part of me that is just having a hard time believing my life can be this happy and content. I’m beating my poor little id and telling it to stop worrying but I just don’t think it knows any other way. lol

References

References
↑1 Fingers crossed

Stat

Sooooo, in all the domestic bliss, I forgot to mention I’m moving into year 11 of this here blog thingy. Eleven years. Other than masturbation, I don’t think I’ve kept up with anything in my life that long before. (You laugh, but I am not joking.) All these years later and I’m still at it. Granted, not as fast and steady as I used to be, but that is ok.

I was pleasantly suprised to see I still get a decent chuck of blog traffic, even with my lower postings as of late. Ironically, posts about Cooper often get the most hits. [1]Being upstaged by my own dog! The nerve. Google has updated their analytics engine and it is truly amazing the scope of data they capture now. Most of my traffic is still direct, meaning people load my feed or come directly to my site. This one stat was the most surprising and humbling. Thanks for reading my madness. Really, I’m tickled people still enjoy my rants. Sadly, brettcajun is STILL the best referral source within the blogosphere. How that dirty cajun manages it is beyond me. A big surprise was Joe.my.god’s blog. Apparently, I’ve been getting a ton of new referrals from his blog. I read him daily (and so should you). Towleroad made the top 10 for what I think is the first time ever. I attribute the later two gains to my increase in comments on their sites. My lack of interest on FB has to be captured somewhere.

Out of social media referrals I got another surprise. I get almost as many clicks from Google+ as I do FB. twitter is a very distant third. FB used to dominate this area. I’m glad to see a more even shift as I continue to use FB less and less. When I factor in the referrals between blogger and plus, Google dominates.

My keywords are always a hodge podge as my blog tends to jump all over. Let me just list the top 10 for the past 30 days …

Eye problems behind a computer
vision problems optometrist
SF Moby
Moby zipper
Sex with Moby
Grindr Rules
Gubbmint
adult archives
Ok porn
bloggers in SF

Yes, that is the top 10 ways new vistors have found me in the last 30 days. lol To be fair, the ratio drops significantly after Sex with Moby. The latter I assume relates to the other Moby btw.

Yeah, I continue to blog and yeah I know it’s probably considered passe now but I never did respond well to peer pressure. Le blog continues to enrich my life and is my chronicle in attempting a life well lived.

References

References
↑1 Being upstaged by my own dog! The nerve.

GHHD #3 2014

Well, it is that time again. Gay High Holy Day #3 of 2014 aka Folsom St Fair.

For most of you, time to dust off your leather and don your favorite pair of come-f**k me pumps. The weekend promises to be muggy and warm so be prepared for stickiness. [1]Both kinds If you’re visiting, be safe and don’t trash our lovely city. If you’re local, traffic is going to be a mess. 🙂 Either way, be smart and don’t drink and drive. PD will be on the look out. MUNI, BART, Uber, Lyft, etc to wherever you need to be.

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I’m having trouble getting into the spirit this year. I’m just not overly motivated. Nothing is wrong, I just can’t seem to find any excitement. Actually, besides my slightly wonky eye, things are awesome. You’d think being The Pup and I’s first year together with him living here, I’d be super excited. I feel a tad guilty as I’m probably dragging a little of his excitement down. I’m sure once we get out into the festivities I’ll perk up.

We got tickets to Real Bad this year. I haven’t been in a couple years so I’m sure it will be fun. The guys always do such a bang up job putting it together. The fact it is a charity certianly helps soften the blow that the tickets are $100 (after tax) a piece now. ​

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Feel free to ingore my "meh"-ness and enjoy the weekend! Be safe, have fun!

References

References
↑1 Both kinds

Clean

Well, I finally got news on the eye/sinus problem. I’m scheduled to go under the knife early October to clean out the fluid/infection/cyst thingy. I hope they take pictures. I had a dream the other night that it was an alien like Sigourney Weavers’. heehee Naturally, it was a queen!

Anyway, it has taken a while to get the info. First, the ENT doc was out of town for two weeks. Then he had a family emergency which pushed him out for another week. And apparently, he only does his surgeries once a month. Bizarre for me but I guess it makes sense from a cost factor. The insurance foots the bill so who am I to complain?

The CT scan did show the bone for my right socket was intact. However, even with the infection/cyst, my right sinus is smaller than it should be and apparently is the culprit for my eye problem. In the most ironic twist, the infection has possibly prevented the problem from being discovered sooner. It could have also just shrunk from an original larger size that dislodged the eye from its normal position. Either way, I’ve noticed the effect is progressing in small increments but still a ways off from impacting my daily vision.

As expected, I’m in line for two procedures. The first, while considered invasive, is the cleaning which I really wouldn’t call a surgery. The second is slightly more complicated and involves adding more metal to my body. I wonder if I can call myself a cyborg now that I’ll soon have 4 different metal plates in my body?

(Arnold voice) I’ll be back!

Still

I guess my delay in blogging as of late has led some to think I have quit all together. No, still at it just distracted by life. It happens.

The CT scan went fine. I won’t know any results until I meet with the doc again, probably next week.  Hopefully, I’ll have a better answer and treatment for my lovely eyeball. I’ve been noticing ever so slight changes to my vision and not for the better. What I used to only randomly notice is now causing slight changes in the way I see things. I’m still far from my every day vision being affected but still concerning. The doc’s office is supposed to call this next week for the follow up appointment. I can clearly see the difference in the alignment in my eyes now as well.

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Continuing in random updates, things are still awesome at home. The Pup (Shawn) and I are doing wonderful. Contentment is a very good thing. I never thought I’d be this content in life. I simply cannot imagine life without him.

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Cooper is still sassy as ever. He has successfully worked his magic on Shawn and won him over. I don’t think Shawn was 100% sold at first but he is now. heehee He routinely points out one of Cooper‘s many adorable faces. Anyway, other than his ongoing skin issues, Cooper Pooper is doing exceedingly well.

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I am STILL trying to get my fat ass back into a consistent gym schedule. Afore mentioned contendedness has affected my motivation to go to the gym in a big way. lol There are worser things I guess. So I’m adding the dreaded cardio into my routine and trying to get back down to where I like to be weight wise. The motivation has been coming back, albeit slowly.

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I still have things go blog about. Almost daily I’m like, “I should blog about that” but I get distracted and move on to other things. lol I guess it is good that life is busy and keeps me focused.