Category: me

Pride-less

I don’t know if it is a trend or if maybe I’m just noticing it more but I have noticed a rather vocal mix of gays who are distancing themselves from this years Pride celebration. I say ‘distancing’ to basically cover the fact we are becoming just like those who hate us more and more every day. I guess we really are moving into mainstream because we’re certainly becoming less and less tolerant every day. How very normal of us. Well, if that is what it takes to be considered normal, you can keep it.

Of course you hear the usual arguments, “Those people are so over the top” or “I just don’t feel like they represent me.” Let me spell out what should be completely obvious. If I wanna wrap myself in tin foil and where a pink tutu swinging from the highest float in the parade that doesn’t negate or reduce my right to equality. You don’t have to be my best friend, be my friend, or even like me but that doesn’t mean I am any more/less deserving than you. No one’s right to equality should depend on anyone else’s personal disapproval. Conformity is not a prerequisite to equality.

From my perspective, when I hear “I just don’t identify with Pride celebrations anymore. They don’t represent who I am”, to me that is just code for saying, “Now that I have a decent amount of rights, I’m indifferent and can’t be bothered anymore.” How many straight allies would we have if they were all so indifferent? Like it or not, many of those people helped jump start our movement. It might be an inconvenient truth but it is still the truth.

The irony here is I’ve always said that the more vocal and visible don’t always represent the bulk of our community. I still say that. Let me step beyond my irritation for a moment and get to the point of my little ramble today. The gist I get from many of these rants is that they see only the people IN the parade. What about the thousands or hundreds of thousands in the audience? THEY are the true representation of our very diverse community. The parade is just the reason to sell tickets and get you out the door. [1]And yes it needs a sensational component to sell those tickets.  I would argue when you look down your nose and avoid it, you are the one doing the harm. You are denying those coming up behind us from seeing their life’s struggles reflected in your eyes. You are the one keeping the focus on the more sensational and/or seedy parts of our community. We have more rights now than we’ve ever had in this country. And we are on the cusp of truly breaking down the inequalities inflicted upon us in law. But true representation requires attendance from the varied paths within to exist. When you do not participate you remove part of that representation from the equation. And frankly, when you walk away or don’t participate you give up the right to bitch about it.

I still remember the overwhelming connection I felt at my first few Prides. It wasn’t because I identified with everyone in the parades, it was because I saw masses of people who were like me. I didn’t feel alone anymore. Those singular moments were very empowering. I would never willingly deny that to anyone coming up behind me.

Whether you celebrate Pride or not, don’t tear down those who do attend simply because you disagree with their choices or particular flair expressing themselves. While they may not be a true representation of our community, at least they show up.

References

References
↑1 And yes it needs a sensational component to sell those tickets.

Crapper

This week hit the crapper at full force. As previously mentioned, 2 1/2 weeks worth of work got summarily wiped out on Monday. Tuesday I got the bad news it could not be recovered. Cooper bashed his eye into an Agave plant and almost blinded himself. A douche bag on FB sent me a message whining about my motivational gym check-ins. Surprisingly, after my very public reply he no longer follows me. Tsk, tsk. And the last two days have been completely unproductive from either hardware or software problems. I was tired of “If this or If that” logic statements anyway.

But all is not lost. On the flip side, one of my moons must be in the right “house” this month because I’ve been getting a lot of attention. Happily, that part of my life has been busy and a welcome distraction. Between the gym and my other exertions is it any wonder I dropped another belt notch? [1]Ok, I’m showing off a little.  It has gone along way toward preventing me from telling our developer exactly how far up his anatomy I wanted to shove my foot.

I’m glad it is Friday and am actually considering libations of the alcoholic persuasion tonight, after the gym of course. I didn’t go down two belt-notches to blow it on booze belly.

I had planned to go see Superman with the SF Movie Bears this next Wednesday. Sadly, schedule conflicts have ruined that as well. I’ll have to try and sell off my ticket. I’ll probably end up going this weekend instead. I am not a big fan of remakes of remakes of remakes but the previews looked really good. We shall see.

Cooper appears to be fine. His eye is still bothering him but it’s already healing and there doesn’t seem to be any damage to the eyeball. As mentioned, said plant will receive a “makeover” this weekend.

Ok, that’s all my bitchin for now. Happy weekend hookahs.

References

References
↑1 Ok, I’m showing off a little.

Eye

So Cooper being his normal silly self ran into the thorns on the enormous agave plant in our backyard tonight.  The moment he finishes his business he loves to bolt and run all the way to the top of the back stairs. Tonight as he bolted, he hit the plant. He didn’t yelp but I could tell something was wrong as he stopped mid gait and bent down low for a second. He then proceeded to run like normal.

I cleaned the wound and thoroughly examined his eye. Not only did he cut his eyelid he managed to actually nick his eyeball. There is a slight scratch on the lens. Now that I’ve had a few minutes to stop freaking out, he seems ok. While you can see a tiny scratch, he doesn’t seem to have actually done any real damage to his eye. There’s no leakage or deformation…thankfully.

I was almost in tears hugging him with relief. God help me if something ever happens to him I’m gonna be a total mess. Anyway, I’m gonna let him sleep it off and see how he looks in the morning. He’s gonna get a rare treat and sleep with daddy tonight. If anything looks worse in the morning, we’ll be off to the vet. He doesn’t seem to be in any discomfort at all so I’m breathing a cautious sigh of relief.

The plant will receive a thorough butchering this weekend. I’d just as soon rip it out but it ain’t mine. I can guarantee it’s leaves will never droop low enough to ever hurt Cooper again though.

Project

I was all set to write about how fabulous the work was going on my project until yesterday. I lost 2 1/2 weeks of data that was very tedious, involved, and complex to get into the system. To say I was upset would be putting it mildly. Once I figured out what went wrong and why I was so incredibly furious I had to leave work. Seriously, it was that or start cussing people out. And since I value my job, I took off early.

I’m using an add-on software that communicates with the primary software on the server. Well it is supposed to. Apparently, there was a domain resolution conflict between the server access and my terminal access. One side was set direct w/no need to access DNS resolution. One side was set to depend on DNS resolution. Of course, at the time I am unaware of any of this. Since I don’t control installations, it’s not really something I’d be expected to know.

After we push to production, I notice data is missing. I reload the add-on software and the work I spent so much time entering is gone. Two hours later it’s obvious the data is unrecoverable. I revert to my backup to recover the lost data. And here is where stupidity rears it’s ugly head. I load my backup and it’s basically empty. After some intensive research and more than a little frustration, I discover the flaw. Apparently, the software decided to ignore my direct saves to my backup folder and save internally to a cached file. And here is where it really gets juicy. The moment I opened my backup copy it overwrites the internal cache wiping my work. No notice, no pop up, nothing. It just overwrites the cache. To say this is a stupid bug in the software would be an understatement. I pulled up the journal entry and sure enough it just re-saved to the same file twice every day. The first save was the default save and when I used ‘save as’ and pathed out my backup folder, it just overwrote the internal cache file. Utterly stupid.

So yeah, 2 1/2 weeks of work down the tubes. And while I’m sure the bug will get fixed, that does nothing for me now. There is no ‘undo’ function and since the data never made it to the server database, it can’t be pulled back. At least this time around, I know the material better and will have to do less trial and error. I mean building calls to restricted confidential databases requires a lot of specialty message keys. I kept great notes as well so the rebuild won’t take as long but will be just as tedious. I’ve also created a sync call for the cache copies of said files to avoid this painful bug in the future.

On a good note, I was so angry I had a killer workout at the gym. lol I baked my chest and triceps to the point of almost not being able to put my shirt on afterwards.

 

Priority

I ran into a casual friend the other day and he got upset with me because I wouldn’t ditch the gym to go drink with him. I don’t mean just disappointed but actually upset, storming away in a huff upset.

First, we know each other from around town. We are friends on a couple social sites but we don’t engage that often. We just tend to travel on different paths. We have had a couple decent talks and they’re always cordial. Most of our interactions are often by happenstance so I was kinda surprised that he would get upset. He has never reached out to me directly to build a stronger connection. [1]And to be fair the same is true of me.  So to suddenly get upset when I wouldn’t just ditch my plans to go drinking was a surprise to me.

After a rather short but odd conversation, he proceeded to tell me, “I do not think we should really be friends anymore. You obviously care more about being narcassitic and shallow than actually being a friend.”  Yes, that bitch actually said that to me!  He then proceeded to storm away in a huff and promptly remove me from his friend lists. I guess he thought he was teaching me a lesson. All I have to say to his behavior is “squish-squish darling, squish-squish.” [2]A reference to AbFab where Adina fakes crying for Saphie”  Seriously. lol I mean it would have been different if you were a good friend that I rarely see or someone who changed their plans to spend time with me, etc. This wasn’t any of that. We ran into each other on the street, he asked me to go drink, I politely declined because I was headed to the gym, and suddenly I’m a shallow uncaring friend? In what alternate reality?

For someone who was so butt-hurt at my unavailability, he obviously doesn’t read le blog or any of my social updates. Clearly, you weren’t THAT into me if you haven’t taken any time to read up on me, of sorts. lol Maybe had he taken the time to reach out to me and actually MAKE plans we could have gone drinking. I certainly enjoy an occassional trip to liquor-ville. If my friendship was so important then he would have made more of an effort. He would have made it a priority. Then I could have at least understood the dramatics. 

I don’t believe it was ever about the gym. It was about the inferred insult he assumed when I wouldn’t drop everything on a a whim to spend time with him. He either felt like I should be honored he offered or he was just insecure. Either way, not my drama, not my problem. And had he not flown off the handle I would have offered to schedule a raincheck. Fat chance in hell that will happen now.

References

References
↑1 And to be fair the same is true of me.
↑2 A reference to AbFab where Adina fakes crying for Saphie”

Weight

Playing with the title from my last post. So, I’m back up to 198lbs. And since I’m now down TWO belt-notch on my britches, I’m assuming the weight gain is muscle vs fat. hehehe  Last Friday, I inadvertently grabbed a pair of jeans I hadn’t worn in awhile. And by awhile, I mean I haven’t worn them in over 3 years because my fat-ass wouldn’t fit. Imagine my surprise to discover later in the day they were my skinny jeans! Needless to say, it made my Friday. I’m still a few pounds away from dropping comfortably into a new pant size. One, I like my pants to fit comfy, not super tight and two, wearing tight pants can lead to a false muffin-top. And we can’t have that!

I’m still battling my little belly pooch though. That fucker is holding on for dear life. I have reached a point where the weight loss just from eating better has stopped. I guess I’m really gonna have to do some sort of cardio if I really wanna get any leaner. And speaking of cardio, I dusted off my pair of rollerblades the other day. The skates are practically brand new. I bought’em right after I moved to SF and then promptly stopped using them. Yes, I know it’s probably not cool anymore but when did I ever care about that? Skating is an excellent full body and cardio workout and I love doing it. Before moving to SF, I’d spend an entire afternoon skating. Anyway, I did a pretty decent job remembering the skill but need some practice.  Cooper apparently loves my skates! He chased me up/down the street several times before he finally got tuckered out. I’m beginning to think I may have to actually invest in a skateboard for him. There are plenty of spaces here where I can take him and not worry about his safety. Hell, the MUNI yard in south of Market is just one big ole empty parking lot during the day. And they recently repaved so it is super smooth.

I switched to a new routine at the gym with mostly super-sets. OMG, I left the gym this week feeling like my chest was truly baked! I almost never leave feeling that way on chest day. My muscles adapt pretty quickly and I always have a need to find creative ways to tax them more. The super-sets are most definitely helping. The down side is trying to do super-sets on different benches in a very busy gym. I may have to move my workouts to later to make it work. So far, it hasn’t been too difficult but I think I’ve just gotten lucky so far.

Wait

I’m getting a little irritated with the invasiveness of technology at the gym these days. More and more guys are getting buried in their phones not paying attention. I’ve reached a point now where I immediately walk up and ask a person how many sets they have left. It puts them on notice someone else is waiting on the bench. You can either choose to share or you can focus on your workout and then get off of it. I don’t mind waiting but I’m sick of seeing guys just hang out endless on a machine.

And for the Fitness SF haters, it is just as true at the 24-hour gyms. Seriously, WTF? I use my phone at the gym. I text, I surf, etc. But I’m also running a workout timer between every set. The moment my timer dings, I stop whatever I’m doing and do my effin’ set! And when I’m done, I get my ass off the bench so someone else can use it. In other words, I respect the fact I am not the only person in the gym trying to get a good workout in. And I even respect not everyone might be as dedicated or at my level of working out. I am as friendly and sharing as I can be to others. But I’m so over others not returning the favor. I’ve never been a big fan of negative peer pressure but I’m beginning to rethink that now. And the next fucker who cops an attitude after I politely ask you how many sets he has left is gonna discover just how cray-cray I can get. I have no shame and will clown the fuck out of you in front of the entire gym. We all pay dues. You don’t get to park you’re ass on a bench for 15-20 mins w/o so much as lifting a weight and then throw shade when someone asks to work in.

Maybe now that I have to go during peak times, I’m just noticing it more. Has it been this bad for awhile?

Humor

So this should put a smile on a few faces. First, I almost ran over an old lady this morning. (No that is not the funny part.) The funny part is what caused it. I’m only a few miles from work so my commute is almost entirely on neighborhood streets. I pull up to a stop sign this morning and I eyeball this total hottie walking across the street. I’m literally straining my neck to turn and watch him saunter away. I’m staring so hard I almost run over an old lady in the cross walk.

I’m totally shocked, flustered, and surprised all at the same time. I flip open my visor and ask if she is ok as I apologize profusely. I didn’t make any contact with her but I’m still freaking out over it. She is fine, she thanks me for my concern and politely tells me to may a little more attention.

As she walks away and I’m about to flip down my helmet visor, she turns and says, “he was pretty good looking though wasn’t he?“

Hangups

We all have them, myself included. That said, I get really tickled at some of my friends hangups at times. My group of friends tends to be very diverse. So it shouldn’t really surprise me their hangups are just as diverse.

I have one friend, who after spending most of his life in service to the military, will be getting out soon. He has developed a laundry lists of do’s and don’ts on the type of guys he can date. If he has sex on the first date, that automatically means he can’t date them. If he meets a guy on a hookup site, he won’t date them. His rule structures are often complex and contradictory. He loves me because I constantly bust his chops over it.

I have another friend who won’t date someone unless they’ve had sex. He insists on it before he’ll even consider dating a guy. He wants to know all your fetishes, desires, etc.

Yet another friend won’t even consider sex w/a guy till the 4th or 5th date.

Another who is in an open LTR but they never discuss it. It is very much like ‘he-who-must-not-be-named’ sort of scenario. lol

These are just a few examples of many I could give. Honestly, to me it seems exhausting trying to sort thru people’s ‘rules’  and ‘requirements.’ This is very true of the online sites as well. Profiles have become a laundry list of must haves, must not haves, must be, must not be, blah blah blah. I care less where or how we met and more about who you are as a person.

I guess I’m odd because I try not to place a bunch of restrictions on guys. [1]But I will admit the few restrictions I do have can be very limiting. My whole no-drugs policy sadly kills a huge percentage of eligible guys for me. I don’t provide a laundry list of requirements. I don’t expect you to know what I want or even to know what my expectations are. I will however, tell you what I want, expect, like, etc.

Sex always seems to be a big issue for gay guys. Be it the one extreme of ‘no sex till we’re in love‘ or the other, ‘sex, sex, sex, and more sex, please.‘ I like to think I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m not prudish but I’m not a sex fiend [2]well at least I think I’m not either. I do like sex and it’s important but I don’t start insisting you see things my way about it. I’ve dated guys who wanted monogamy, I’ve dated guys who avoid monogamy. Again, I like to think I’m in the middle I don’t want total monogamy but I also don’t want a free for all. To me, it is a very playful act and I often approach it from that perspective. As a partner, I’d like to know we can be honest with each other about our wants/desires and share our experiences with each other. We share everything else, why not share sexual adventures?

One of my hangups is I think I’m too honest. You don’t have to ask anyone about my dirt. I will straight up tell you. There is no shame in my game and I have no problem admitting things. I also am inclined to trust what people tell me too much. I don’t try to examine it from every possible angle to see if there are any hidden meanings. If you tell me a thing, I’ll believe it until proven otherwise. Sexually, I’ve become much less “flexible” in my positions. I doubt this creates any limitations but I can see it as a hangup.

I approach every meeting with as few expectations as possible beyond you being honest in the representation of yourself. (And you’d be surprised how many fail at just that!) Otherwise, it’s a clean slate. I don’t bend my ideals, philosophies, choices, etc to match yours. I like being me and all that comes with that. If we are truly a good fit, our similarities will merge well and/or our differences will compliment each other. I like to think this gives me an edge. Considering I’m single, one might argue against that. lol But that is ok. My being is a choice not a requirement. And if we do click, I’ll expose my cock and my soul to you, but not necessarily in that order.

References

References
↑1 But I will admit the few restrictions I do have can be very limiting. My whole no-drugs policy sadly kills a huge percentage of eligible guys for me.
↑2 well at least I think I’m not

Belly

Apparently, I have a habit that is a carry over from childhood. lol

While at the movies the other day, a friend and I had to relieve ourselves after the movie. I can’t just unzip. I have to unbuckle, unzip, and basically open the fly to do my business. After said business is done, I tend to hike up my shirt so I can close up shop, so to speak. I was told that my habit of hiking up my shirt to my chest is something only kids do.

Having never though about it, I just laughed and shrugged it off. Well, after pondering on it for awhile, I couldn’t seem to place any other adults doing it the way I did. Who knew? I didn’t know it was not a very adult thing to do. I mean no one has ever commented on it before so how would I? Of course, now I find I’m self-conscious about it. hehehe. I guess I’ll have to be mindful while in public to behave in a manner suiting an adult. hehehe