Category: me

Another Year…

…flies by and it is time to look ahead once more. Where was I then, where am I now, and where am I going? Of course, it is also a time when everyone invades the gym in the hopes of working off the excesses of the holiday season. They show up in their new workout gear, shiny new ipod and otherwise are completely clueless as to their rude behavior. But I digress, focus Moby focus.

Where was I? Oh right. I think I did a pretty good job of keeping last year’s resolutions. The debt is well under control. It has gone up w/the purchase of the motorcycle however, I’m in a much better place to manage it now. I also found a great apartment in the ghaytto.1 And speaking of, I did get the motorcyle as anticipated. I’m very happy with it. The only thing I didn’t do was work on getting my teeth fixed. I procrastinated until the year was finally over so it has to go top of the list for this year.

I also have 80% of my required EMT hours in now so come the fall, I can start school again. That gives me almost a 6 month reprieve from very busy days. It also gives me a chance to work on my gym schedule that has suffered greatly in the last 6 months. I think I might hire a trainer to help push me along at the gym. I’m pretty knowledgable on the body and workouts2, I just need someone to help push me. I get distracted easily and knowing I have to be there w/someone keeps me focused.

1 The castro is commonly referred to as the ‘gay ghetto’. I kinda like that however, it is fast losing its neighborhood feel. That is a rant for another day though.
2 Nutrition, muscle kinetics, fiber recruitment, blah blah blah.

Priceless

I saw a Santa today taking donations on the street. You know the ones, they setup shop and solicit donations for charity. So anyway, there was a homeless guy setup about 20 feet away with a sign reading “skip the middle man and donate to me“.

I normally don’t give out money for the homeless as they often spend it on booze or worse. I made an exception today.

Gamer

*geek post ahead*

It has been a long time since I’ve been considered a ‘noob’ or newbie (new comer or novice player) at anything. However, I feel like a total noob w/my foray into the Xbox 360. Microsoft does gets points for making the website very centric and tightly intergrated into the console itself. Logging on via the console or the internet yields the same results albeit different formats.


My cheesy gamertag.

So far my game list consists of Doom 3, Halo 2, and Gears of War. The latter being the only one released specifically for the new 360 console. Doom was a favorite PC game back in the day when it first hit the scene. V3 has definitely come a long way since then. Halo 2 was a benchmark in graphics when it was released for the original Xbox. Gears of War blows’em all way w/so much detail, it is like controlling an animated movie.

My only beef w/GOW is aiming. Aiming on a standard game controller is a bit dodgy and makes gameplay very slow until you finally get fragged so many times you improve from sheer repetition. You can see from my tag list, I haven’t gotten very far yet. I’m still jumping around the level trying to explore (and getting fragged in the process).

And even though I’m all signed up for online game play, I’ll probably hold off for awhile until I no longer feel like a noob. I like that Microsoft is playing hard ball w/gamers who resort to cheating to get an upper advantage. I’m sure it won’t go away but it makes it more enjoyable for the average gamer like myself. I game for enjoyment not competition. If some no-life lackey cheats and constantly beats everyone, it ruins the experience (and Microsofts bottom line).

For now, I’m very happy w/the the console and have enough games to keep me busy for at least a few months.

Been Good or Bad This Year?

Ya know how I said this year had been good to me? Remember all the overtime I’ve been working? Well, Christmas came early for Moby this year. I decided to put some of my hard earned dough to good use.

Yes! Your eyes are NOT deceiving you. I bought a new Panasonic 42″ Plasma (read flat screen) TV

Ain’t it a beauty? I’m as surprised as you are. It’s amazing how far I’ve come financially in the past 2 years1. I’ve gone from barely affording a plane ticket to buying a new plasma TV! I’m so excited I could just pee myself.2

(In my best TV announcer voice)
But wait! There is more! Oh yeah baby.

I couldn’t settle w/just a plasma TV. Oh no, yours truly had to have some new fangled gadget to display ON it. Never fear….

…is here! I got the premium one so it comes w/a HD-DVD drive as well. This way I don’t have to worry about buying yet another DVD player. The really good news? I paid for it all in cash. Now that my friends is a nice feeling.

Yeah, I’m bragging but I think I deserve it. Looking back over these past few years, I have worked hard. I recovered from a very destructive relationship3, I moved three, count’em 3 times, my social life is pretty much non-existent, I’ve only taken 1 vacation in 2 years and I’ve done my share of charity work. So, I fell pretty good seeing some benefit from all my hard work. Anyway, I’m not quite done yet. I still have to buy stuff for the roomie and my nephew/niece back in Texas. Other than that, my shopping is about over for the season. Either way, I’m enjoying to fruits of my labor and I promise no more gloating. *g*

1 All the boocoo overtime didn’t hurt none either.

2 Actually, when the TV arrived at my doorstep. I did pee a little.

3Not to mention the $10,000 in debt that came with it.

Epiphany II

*Another long winded internalized view ahead and probably the 2nd most significant post you’ll ever read here. Oh yeah, it’s THAT good.*

I am such a fraking odd bird. I get insight into myself from the oddest things. The other day, I’m watching a commercial on Logo1 for car sales of all things. Being obviously written w/gays in mind the female speaker was making a statement. What she said was so profound [to me] I dropped the remote and just sat down on the sofa in amazement. She was making a short blurb about coming out, etc and then finished with,

. . . fear is what makes us weak but a sense of self and a sense of belonging gives us our strength.

You could have knocked me over with a feather! This paid actress for a stupid car commercial had just summed up the entire struggle of my existence in a few short words!

The fear I’ve known about and have been dealing with for some time now. As illustrated in my previous rather raw post. I’m proud to say the fear is losing though. Yet with all that’s come before in my journey to be a better person, I still overlooked something. I’ve never had a sense of belonging! Hell, I didn’t even know I needed it. Even as a kid it was missing. After my foster mom died, I never really felt like a part of my own family. After leaving home at 14, it was remarkably easy to break my family ties and move on2. Even my being gay didn’t help me to see it. I think I’ve mentioned before how I don’t really ‘fit’ into any particular ‘scene’. I always seem to be on the outskirts of all of them. What I did learn was to support myself. I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and even pat myself on the back if need be. I always chalked it up to my own natural resilience.

To my credit, I did finally manage to realize my lack of self. Anyone crazy enough to still be reading me after all this time knows it’s been a hell of a struggle these last 5 years. And I am proud to say I am succeeding on that front too. But, I’ve spent so much effort trying to develop that sense of self, I never even considered I needed a sense of belonging.

I don’t know how I’ve missed this about myself for so long. And my poor id. It has been working overtime trying to show it to me. The unexplained bouts of sadness, the oddly reoccuring need to date, it all makes complete sense now. My life overall is pretty good at the moment. Oh sure, I could be richer, have more muscle or whatever but I’m talking about the important stuff. I’ve been extremely frustrated not being able to explain why I still get down at times.

Well, I get it now. I owe it all to a stupid car commercial on the gayest network on television.

1 Logo is a gay cable channel. I think it is owned by the parent company of CBS but I could be wrong.

2 A broken jaw and two broken ribs will do that to ya.

Medium Rare or Well Done?

Well, the trip is slowly winding down. I had a really good time. I was actually a little worried I’d be bored as I didn’t plan anything this trip. I usually try to squeeze in one or two touristy things while I’m here. I didn’t plan anything in advance this time.

Saturday after the beach, I went bar hopping w/a gang of guys I met at the resort where I was staying. Someone commented about where I was staying. I stay at the Grand Resort every time I visit FTL. They recently added a spa which they push really hard now.

I’m digressing… We started off at Bill’s. Kinda like the Edge in SF. Good crowd and very friendly muscle bears. Grrrrrr! Then it was over to Ramrod (leather/levi/sleaze bar) and lastly George’s Alibi. George’s is by far my favorite bar in FTL. Diverse crowds, good musice/videos, pool, and hot bartendars. I always have a good time there. Afterwards, I ran over to Granny’s (aka the baths) to say hello. Granny was very happy to see me1! Oy was I tired when I got home.

Yesterday, I drove down to South Beach, Miami for the day. One of the guys from the resort tagged along and was good company. En route we had a little snafu, I ended up taking the wrong exit ramp. Not being afraid to stop and ask directions, this little detour only added 20 minutes to the drive. However, I can now say, I’ve been to Pinecrest, Florida. hehehe.
Continue reading Medium Rare or Well Done?

Oh So Blue

My first time on Jetblue has been decent1. Even though I’m laying over in New York at JFK. The direct flights were all full so I had to bite the bullet and just do it. The flight home is a direct flight. It’s warm but muggy here today. Actually, it’s a very southern day in the big Apple.

I did encounter a problem w/security because of a new regulation regarding liquids carried on board. Other than that, the experience has been good. The seats really are a little bigger and you do have more leg room. I’m glad I bought the laptop as nothing was on 36 channels2 that I cared to watch. JetBlue get’s brownie points for carrying scifi as part of their line-up though.

I always stay two places when I travel to Ft Lauderdale. I know weird but here’s why. I hate the seascape designs you see in so many sea side resorts. In fact, you could say I detest it. The place I normally stay doesn’t do that however, they are a bit pricey. Knowing how I am, I always stay the first night in a resort w/the standard seascapes to remind myself why I continually fork over the extra dollars. I know, quirky but I can live w/it and it serves me well.

1 I misjudged the travel time on public transit and was almost late. I also remembered to bring the camera. Yes, I’m patting myself on the back for not forgetting it this time. Lets see if I can hold onto the memory cards.

2 36 channels and I couldn’t find a single show I cared to watch. Does that make me picky or sad?