Category: me

Relapse!

Not sure really what else to call it. And I was doing so well too….

I was completely overcome by a sense of loneliness tonight at dinner. Kind of odd for me as I’ve always been of the mindset; being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely. That said, this was distinctly loneliness. Loneliness in its raw and ugly power. I was mid way thru dinner at my favorite sushi joint in the Castro when it hit me. (The ex and I used to go there a lot.) I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t eaten there since the breakup, the holidays, or a little of both. I do know I was so overcome I had to go to the bathroom to calm myself. I was halfway into tears when the anger hit me. . .

Anger that I’ve let someone put me in the position of feeling this way. Anger that I’m making a fool of myself in public. Anger that I felt like a complete basket case if only for a few minutes. Anger that I am still capable of missing him after what he did to me. And yes anger over being angry.

And after anger came reason and sanity once again prevailed. I’m able to laugh now as I’ve managed to pulled myself together. My head knows its over. I just wish I could get my heart to fall in line. Maybe I should just admit to myself that I still have unresolved feelings about the breakup. Before I met the ex, I had reached a point in my life where I felt complete and whole. I wanted a partner but it had become a possible future instead of a goal in life. Fast forward to now, I’m having a hard time getting back to that place in my head. Damn it! Why can’t I be like Data from Star Trek. Just snap my emotions on/off on a whim? Why? Because, thats what its like to be human I guess. As sad as I get sometimes, I’m still able to remember that. And I think sometimes, thats the only thought that keeps me going. Hope springs eternal. . . .

IE Error – Fixed!

It drove me nuts until I fixed it, so I did. The blog should now display correctly in Internet Explorer. I guess there were some errors in nesting tags from the original template. (Meaning, I didn’t create the errors by adding my stuff to it, they were already there) While other browsers are apparently much more forgiving, IE is not. It has to be PERFECT. In the process, I learned a whole lot about style sheets. So not a bad trade off. I also brought back the navbar. I figure since blogger is letting me use this site for free, its the least I can do. *G*

The really good news is I now know enough about CSS (cascading style sheets) to do this on my own. I’ve already copied the flash files over to my own domain and updated the links. This way if the old site goes down or does away w/the template, I’m not screwed on my design. I also need to finish updating the old homepage. I still have bleed over links left in from the blog. I rarely give it out so its not priority #1 per say.

I guess you can say I’m a true geek. I kept waking up last night w/ideas on possible errors in the code. I literally had to force myself to sleep twice in the night. How scary is that? So long story cut short, I fixed the damn thing. Smitty will be so happy!

IE Display Faults

Ok, I don’t use Internet Explorer but I just discovered today at work that my blog is displaying incorrectly when using IE. I thought it might be the defaults on the text settings but that doesn’t work either. The odd part is that if I open the template and preview it, it shows fine. Yet when I reload the page it still shows a huge gap at the top of the page. Annoying to say the least.

Well, since I don’t use IE, I really don’t plan to spend a lot of effort trying to fix it. Apologies, to anyone in advance if it displays weird on your screens.

Blade – Trinity

In all of my rants yesterday, I was so excited about the new look of my blog, I totally forgot to bring up the fact that I watched Blade: Trinity. I have mixed feelings on the 3rd installment. It is by the same director but, he changed the format up a bit. Completely different soundtrack. Some good, some bad I thought. There was more action in this one for sure. Lots of vampires bite the blade, so to speak. *G* Lots of fight scenes but, the thinner plot combined w/the new soundtrack just didn’t pack the same punch in my opinion.

I’m sure my blogger buddy Smitty, will be in heaven as Dominic Purcell turns out a pretty decent performance as the #1 bad guy of all time, Dracula. He is a hottie, that ain’t no lie. I much prefer Ryan Reynolds myself. OY! Ok, Ok, back to the topic. I got alot out of the first two. The plots were decent enough to make us forget reality for a minute mixed w/a kick ass soundtrack that kept you going thru out the flick. Don’t get me wrong, part 3 is worth the 8 or 9 bucks but, don’t expect to come away awed by it.

Whole New Look – 2nd Edition

I have been a busy boy today. First, I decided since I liked the new blog template so much why not apply it to my old home page. It was horribly out-of-date. I am happy to report that the old site has a brand new look as well. I haven’t finished it yet so there are still a few links to the blog archives etc. I’ve always wanted my home page and my blog to blend better and I got my wish, finally. There was so much in the old template I didn’t understand I was afraid to breath while editing it sometimes. This one looks fancier, only because of the shockwave file on top. The rest is pretty basic. I say “basic” in the loosest of terms. It took me a couple of hours to figure out some of the CSS code. And there is some I still haven’t figured out yet.

Second, I was able to snatch up the mobius.name domain today. I’ve been trying to get one of the higher TLD’s (top level domains, ie. .com, .net, .org, etc) for years now w/no luck. I was ecstatic that I actually got it! (again, see afore mentioned comments about karma) It has put me in the best of moods. I’m feeling right proud of myself. *big grin*

Now What?

The DSL tech just left and my service is back up and working. Apparently, a wire was missing on their equipment box. Exactly, how does that happen? Did a wire just suddenly combust or dissolve into dust? Anyway, he replaced it and wahooo! DSL!

Now that the DSL is up, I don’t have much to complain about. Everything is slowly getting back to normal. OMG! What if my life is completely drama free for a really long time and I can’t blog! How will I survive? How will my fellow blog buddies survive? *G* Fear not fellow bloggers, I have tons of rants so this is not the end of the Moby files! hehehe

Happy Holidays!

Today’s Ramblings

I’m feeling pretty good about myself today. I’m slowly getting stuff unpacked, etc. I’m doing my darndest to get back into an everyday routine again. For an Aquarian, thats an odd thing but, I need some stability right now.

Its nice to see all the Xmas blogs going around. I won’t be spending much this Xmas on pressies as I’m flat broke. That said, I’m more into the spirit of it anyway so I’m not really upset over it. Not to mention, I’m normally a big spender so I think my friends/family can bear w/me this year. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m blue over the ex not being here but, life does go on right?

Anyway, as expected my DSL is down. This time both the phone line and the DSL are screwed up. The tech is coming tomorrow to look into it. Luckily, someone in the area has an open access point so I’ve been able to piggy back via wifi for the last couple of days. That said, the signal is weak so I keep losing it. I’m amazed how much technology I take for granted in my everyday life. Not only that, I’m always surprised at how quickly wifi has been adapted by the masses. I’m on the 5th floor and I can pick up 5-9 wifi points at any given time. All are encrypted so I can use’em but, thats alot!

Gotta cut this one short as it is time to head off to work.

Moved – Final Chapter

Say it with me….I am finally fucking done moving! Twice in 15 days and I’m SOOOOOO over it. *G*

So, I’m in the new place which is sort of the old place. If you’ve been keeping up you know exactly what I mean. If you haven’t, for shame! I’m slowly settling in. The only thing worse than packing is unpacking! Of course, I tend to stick stuff in any box it will fit so after making myself open every box, I’m discovering stuff I forgot I had!

On a related rant, I feel like this is the end of a chapter in my life. Not sure where its coming from really. Maybe its the little bits of my karma I’ve seen coming back to me over the last few days. Who knows. I just have this growing feeling of closure. Just in the last month I’ve survived a breakup w/the boyfriend, two separate moves (and all that entails), and switching gyms over a greedy manager. Other than being flat broke for the first time in a long time, I think things are looking up. Maybe, its jut having a moment to breath w/o worrying about the future. Dunno for sure but I like it. Hopefully, I’ve seen the last of heavy drama for awhile. I haven’t quite worked it all out in my head at the moment so more later…

418 Brewing

Let me explain. 418 (four eighteen) is the police code in SF for a fight. Today the owner of the house, I’m moving out of, had the audacity to ask me for prorated rent for the 3 days in December that I’ll be here. (For those of you just tuning in, read the whole store here.) I guess my temper must have been brewing over the way I’m getting shafted because I let him have it! I was so riled up, at one point, I think I was actually frothing at the mouth! The nerve of that fucker! After all he has put me thru this past month. Not only am I moving out w/o making a fuss but, I’m doing it quickly. I’ve managed to find a new place again within only 15 days of my move-in.

Legally, I could stay and force his hand and not pay him a dime beyond what was originally agreed. I had thought about it but, it’s just not worth it. I like my drama to be low. If he is this two faced now, I’m not sure what to expect later on. Oh but wait, there’s more! Only 5 days after I agree to move out he is already asking me, “have you found a place yet?” Five freaking days!

SF has some really tough housing ordinances on the books and most of them favor the tenants. After reading off the numerous rental ordinances he had violated, he was not so quick to push for more money. (I rarely make idle threats) Not to mention, I’ve held up my bargain since the beginning.

Anyway, I guess I’ve been holding it in because now that it’s over I feel a lot better! My friends always tell me I’m too nice. I’m not perfect, I’ll be the first to admit it. That said, I’ve learned, the hard way, your word is the only true bond you can give someone. I try to live my life w/integrity and honesty and expect the same of others. I can say, without any hesitation, that I’ve kept up my end of the deal. Even now, I’m still a bit dumbfounded that he actually had the balls to look me in the eyes and ask for MORE money. Especially after his little speech to me about not needing to rent the house out all. Oy vey!

Well, like I said, I feel a lot better now. [Jim Carey Voice] “I have exorcised the demons!” Gotta run, I have to get packing!

The Move – 2nd edition

Ok, well for those of you just turning in, I’m moving AGAIN this Thursday and Friday. Where? you might ask. Right back into the same place I just moved from. Just a different apt this time.

I spent the better part of the morning on the phone begging utility companies not to double charge me for transfer fees. No luck I’m afraid. However, all is not lost. My Karma, while a bit scarce this month, is slowly coming back strong. I got the same size apt for only a fraction more in rent than before. I could have ended up paying a lot more as the rental rates have been on a steady rise since June. The leasing company was more than happy to take me back. I had to re-apply but, was approved right away. I ended up w/the same size unit w/a different layout. I have twice as much closet space than the old apt, better views, and new carpet & tile so all and all not a bad deal.

The only downer is I’m so strapped financially, I’m not even sure I can cover the expenses for the rest of the month. And don’t even mention Christmas. I’m normally very generous so I think my friends/family can make do w/o me for one year. Who knows? Maybe I’ll defy the odds and win the lotto. Course, that means I have to actually play lotto first. [mental note – play lotto]

I actually came home early tonight as I’ve been feeling achey all day. I’m crossing my fingers that a good night’s rest will do the trick. I just don’t think my battered id will survive another attack right now. If you see headlines about a “crazy fag gone wild at a Uhaul center…”it means I lost it! *sigh* Seriously though, I’m actually in good spirits. With all the bad shit these last couple of months, things seem to be slowly turning around.

Wish me luck!