Privilege

I had an incident this weekend that really nailed the idea of “privilege” in my mind. I’m at the local bagel shop in the ‘hood. I’m standing just inside the entrance to maintain social distance to the person inside.1 A woman comes behind and parks herself less than a foot from me. I promptly turn and glare at her. Seeing that didn’t work, I moved forward. Luckily the person in front of me had moved to the side as he had finished placing his order.

At this point I’m kind of over it. I’m reading the news on my phone. I glance up ever so often to see if my food is ready and to ensure I do not need to move again to maintain my distance. The previously mentioned woman is now glaring at me and I can tell she is mumbling under her breath. I’m thinking to myself, “get over it lady, maintain your distance and no one will glare at you.” Her order came up first, even though she ordered after me, as she only ordered something quick. As she’s leaving, I look up to see her glaring at me again and mumbling. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until she was out the door that I put her words to meaning. She had said to me, “black lives matter too MF’er!

Of course, I’m immediately upset. I mean the nerve! How dare she make it about race. I don’t give two-shits what color you are, maintain yo’ distance! Then it dawns on me. She mistook my glare and stepping away from her to mean I was avoiding her because of her skin color. I was floored! How could I have done this? But, as I go over the scenario in my mind, I honestly wouldn’t have done anything different. I’d glare at your dumb-ass for not maintaining distance regardless.

At this point, my anger dissipates and I feel only compassion and sadness. How terrible the world she walks in must be that this was her first assumption? I frequently say, “I walk in an extraordinarily different world than people of color.” This was a prime example of that. My heart sank knowing how much anger, hurt, and resentment she must be felling. And while I can take some comfort in knowing my own actions were honorable, it still left me profoundly sad.

I benefit and often take many things for granted simply because I am white. It really struck me how privileged I am. People often mistake being called “privileged” for being wealthy or having life easy. That is not the meaning here. Lawd knows, my life before the age of 25 was an utter shit-show. I wen thru more drama and tragedy in those years than most people go thru in a life time. In spite of all that, I can see and understand I still benefit daily from being white.

My only regret is not being able to clarify why I was glaring at her.2 If I could, I’d give her a hug as well. It was too late and I wasn’t about to try and chase her down after the fact. I can only take solace in the knowledge my actions were not racially motivated.

I strive to be better and to help others be better. I encourage you to do the same. A lot of people are hurting right now. Should you encounter a similar scenario as a white person, I implore you to see the bigger picture and recognize, it isn’t necessarily you the person is acting out against.

Hope springs eternal….

  1. It is a small space. []
  2. The humor in that is not lost on me. []

Muggy II / Drivel

I made it to the gym but my energy tanked right away so only got a half-ass workout in. My mood is as muggy as the weather today. I think I’m just worn out from my exertions as of late. Busy busy busy. Finding out my ride along for tomorrow got cancelled again didn’t help.

A buddy from work called me to see if I would co-sign a loan for him. That would be a big negative! One, I’m still recovering from my own debts incurred during the last relationship. Two, said friend tends to invite a large amount of drama into his life. Be it immaturity or blind stupidity, either way not my problem. Three, I have a distinct feeling there is more to the story than I’m hearing. *I may have been born at night but it wasn’t last night.*

Notice the Moby-ism on the left. Not sure who coined the phrase but I’ve taken it to heart throughout my life and it serves me well.

My new phone/pda hasn’t come yet. I’m anxious as all hell for it to show up. I’ve been so busy the Tivo is almost full. Maybe tonight I can catch up while I’m being tortured by domestic chores from hell! (I must have been rich in my previous life because I detest house work!) I’ll be so glad when I when the lotto so I can hire a houseboy. *mental note – play lotto*

I got a tickle out of the overwhelming response to my “dying to now” question. hehehe. May have to do that one again. I have tons of those little buggers floating around in my head.

OH! I almost forgot, I’m planning a little surprise for the blog. However, a new piece of hardware is required. It hasn’t shown up yet either. I got an email from Amazon saying it was delayed. Bumm-diddly.

Ok, I’m off to bend eager minds to my will.

Moby-isms

I’ve been meaning to add this section for awhile. I have a few one-liners’ that I think speak volumes. Sometimes, they are my own creations and sometimes they are just grand statements I’ve tried to learn from.

For now, it’s all manual. Meaning I’ll manually change it on a regular basis. Eventually, I plan to make it a rotating theme. Ever time you log in, you’ll get a Mobyism!

It’s good to be the king.

Hello, I’ll Be Your EMT Today…

My mid-term is next week so I am hella-studying. I spent about 4 hours at Starbucks in the Castro cranking out the work. I’m not even close yet. Over a 100 questions on the test covering about 30 chapters. All that said, I’m very excited about my training. I can’t wait till I finish so I can start seeing patients! I can’t believe I waited this long to do it. This swedish couple from Holland saw me studying at The Cove last night and started asking me all these questions. I discovered the husband is the equivelant of a paramedic over there. Too bad he was straight.

I won’t be doing much blogging for at least a couple of days. Today is my last day off this week and I’m hoping to cram 4 more hours in.

Over the past week, I’ve been updating the blog and fixing broken links, images, etc from back when I made the switch from Blogger. A lot of the old pics weren’t displaying properly. Now they show up. I haven’t resized all of’em yet so if you use IE to view my blog you’ll get an annoying gap on the middle column on any of the old pages where a pic loads. The pics are too wide for the column so IE just forces the whole column down. @#$%! (Hint, if you click on the “photo” category you can see every post w/a picture in it. Haven’t finished all of’em but most.)

Anyway, I’ve also been reading some of my old entries and I really felt better after reading this one. I was sorta down and whining about my lack of direction. I’m really proud of myself for getting shit done. Even if my debt has gone up a little instead of down, I’ve taken care of so many things that were nagging at me. I have this intense feeling of accomplishment.

Oh! Speaking of debt, $450.00 later, I got the scooter back yesterday. It purrs like a kitten again. hehehe. It needed so much work I really can’t complain about the cost. Another task I’d be delaying that was driving me nuts.

I’m feeling better so I’m off to the gym to work my “musk-uls”.

OH No He Din’t!

Ya know, sometimes I just wish I could tell some of my callers…

I’d slap you but shit splatters!

But that would probaby get me fired. Ok, not fired but at least suspended. Ok not suspended but at least written up.

I’m feeling icky today. I think I’m borderline getting a cold/worn down. Too many hours put in this week and not enough sleep.

“Take two of these and call me in the morning” sounds appropriate right now. I just wish I had the “two of these” part.

I’m home, catching up on Tivo, slugging down an Odwalla, and waiting for exhausted sleep to overtake me.

Blacks and Gays / Civil Rights

Ya know I’m pretty astounded lately to see a lot of black civil rights activists denouncing gay rights. I’m even more appalled to hear them say gay rights are not a civil rights issue. The only reason any of them have given is that being gay is a choice and being black isn’t. Well my friends, its never been a choice for me. I was born gay. I didn’t wake up one day and say, “ya know, I think I’ll alienate myself from my family, friends, and co-workers and decide to be gay“. I have never met a man, woman, or child who woke up one day and just decided to be gay. Come on people, quit hiding behind fear of the unknown and ignorance1 and wake up. The same fear you are cowing to is the same fear that whites used to keep blacks slaves. The fight for equal rights is the same the battles may be different but in the end we just want equality. Is that so much to ask?

I realized what “gay” meant at the ripe age of 14. Being a naive kid, I ran to tell my parents. Instead of love and acceptance or even just tolerance, I came away w/a broken jaw and two broken ribs. How you ask? My father beat me within an inch of my life and then threw me headlong into the street. All for admitting I was gay. How many black fathers beat their children for being born black? I have yet to meet one. Am I belittling the blacks’ fight for civil rights? Not in the least. Am I saying gay rights are a civil issue? Damn Skippy I am. Just because our [gays] cause is different, doesn’t make it any less worthy of recognition.

  1. “ignunce” as I like to call it []