Painful Reminder

I’m killing two birds w/one rant today. I’m trying to distract myself from my life and be more a “topical blogger” today. Taken straight from Towleroad comes today’s idiocracy.1

(Story) A group of delinquents decides to go out for a wholesome day of fag bashing. They beat up a couple of fags and then get arrested. I’d blame the parents but that wouldn’t do any good. I’m sure by now they absolved themselves of any moral responsibilities by claiming the ‘fags’ were asking for it. Meanwhile, the main culprit tries to turn into a ‘gay panic’ defense. How 80’s can you get? Forgetting for a moment, there was no mention of the victims approaching the suspects at anytime. But hey, who needs facts right? Tish! Tosh!

Wait! I think I’m channeling Miss Cleo. . .I’m having a vision. . . Boys beat up fags, boys get arrested sent to jail, news station does a biased interview and edits out all of the real facts for the their own more wholesome version, public is outraged. Film at Eleven. Oh wait, nevermind. That’s already happened. Maybe I’m channeling Martha from prison. Oh well, so much for my psychic abilities.

  1. yes, I know it is a made-up word. []

Shame? No, I Don’t Think So

I must be PMS’ing this week. That or I’m still sick, cause this story brought me to tears. Being a cold hearted fag at times, not always an easy thing to do.

I’m hiv positive. i’m not a fucking hero. i’m just a guy who had unsafe sex and i’m paying for it the rest of my life. i was a stupid guy who contracted one of the worst diseases of modern time. yep that’s me. i’m stupid. just call me stupid, but don’t ever call me a hero. yes, i knew the risks. i grew up in the time of aids. i knew how devastating the disease had been to a generation before me. i heard the stories of the death count. i heard about the ways to prevent the disease. i knew condoms, condoms, condoms. i even spoke about hiv prevention in my high school. i was always telling my friends to use condoms. i was a living breathing public service announcement for hiv prevention. that was me. well actually that was just part of me. the other part was an insecure guy who just wanted to be loved.

i guess part of me trusted them. up until that point i’d never been a strong person. i’d pretty much let other people make decisions for me. so anyway, i would sleep with guys. i’d let them bareback me. i was young. i was invincible. i was the straight guy in his new sports car going 95 miles an hour down the highway. i was invincible…or so i thought.

First, let me clarify, I’m a big believer in personal responsibility. That’s not my beef today. And I’m not condoning risky behavior. My issue is a disturbing trend within our culture of treating anyone less perfect than ourselves as “less than human” and just writing them off. Well, life ain’t easy for all of us. For some of us it can be a unbearable unending hell at times. If it were so damn easy to make the right choices then we wouldn’t have tens of thousands of people dying every year from cigarette related cancer now would we? This is a serious problem people. And for the record, I’m not perfect and I’ve been guilty of this fallacy.

The snips above come from MeSouthern, who is an HIV + male. He converted at an early age. By his own admission, he knew of the risks, albeit indirectly, and made some bad decisions. So now should we write him off as undeserving of our sympathy? If you answer yes, then I hope you never know hard times because karma can be an ugly unrelenting teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t we should glorify it either. Far too many guys these days, shake off the horrible aspects of being HIV+. Reality check, HIV is a terminal illness. That means there is NO cure for it. Granted we have some great drugs out there these days but not everyone responds so well and not all of these drugs are easy to take.

…the day my positive test results came back. that’s the day i knew it was time to take responsibility for my past mistakes. the past mistakes of being a stupid fucking whore, not a hero. here i sit now. my body is starting to fail me. it’s been about 4 years, since i got my test results back. i will soon be on meds, that will hopefully keep me alive. yes, i regret fucking every hot guy without a condom. yes, i regret using drugs. i should’ve known better; i did know better. aids isn’t pretty. it’s a very serious disease. it’s going to kill tons of people. it will probably kill me. oh well, does it matter? probably not because i’m a stupid fucking whore, who isn’t a hero. i should be ashamed of myself…

Is this what we are teaching our young people? If you make mistakes, shame on you? You no longer deserve our love/support? If so, then we need not worry about the christian not-so-right folks. We have a far greater enemy in ourselves.

Me Grown Up Now

I realized after an incident today that I have finally achieved the maturity that comes w/adulthood. If such a thing were possible.1 So Bobby, it finally happened! I got snubbed.

I’m leaving the gym today and this rather attractive fellow was in the locker room preening like a peacock. Ok, let me re-phrase that. This very attractive and very well built fellow was preening in the locker room today. I’m doing my thing, as usual, and can’t help but stare just a bit. He keeps doing all these little obvious tricks to flex a muscle or expose a hidden area. All w/a not so random randomness. After about 10 minutes of this, I’m getting rather bored as that’s all he is doing. I finish my business and I’m about to leave when he crosses my path. Now I don’t know if was offended that I didn’t gawk more or because I didn’t pursue him further. Either way, he gives me this very disdainful once over look and snorts right in front of me as if to say, “your pathetic and nowhere near my league“. And for once in my life, I didn’t give a shit. I wasn’t even offended. I giggled as I shook my head and walked out. Not only that, I got the distinct pleasure of hearing him throw his gym bag down as I descended the stairs.

Let me explain a bit. Just a few years ago, I would have probably done the same thing however, I would have been wounded inside and felt inferior. I would have called him all kinds of horrible names in my mind like poopoo-head or snooty patooty. (where do kids come up w/these names?) All the reasons why don’t really matter at this point. What does matter, is that I didn’t even begin down that demoralizing path of reasoning this time. Jesus H Christ, Mary, Joseph, & David! Maybe there is hope for me in this life after all!

  1. My friend Bobby will get such a kick out of this story only because he thinks everyone in SF is stuck up. []

Justice?

So it was nice to see even in Wisconsin Joe Schmoes can’t use the “gay panic” defense to kill gays. What is shameful are attorneys still trying to use this as a form of defense.

(Full Story Oshkosh, Wisconsin) A jury has ignored claims that a Wisconsin man was murdered in a case of “gay rage” and ruled that Gary Hirte, 19 was sane when he killed Glen Kopitske in July 2003….
He said Hirte had been drinking at home and went to a boat landing and sat on the hood of his car. Kopitske approached and invited Hirte to his house.
The men had oral sex and Hirte left and returned to his car. A few hours later he drove off in what his lawyer Gerald Boyle described as an “unbelievable rage”, got a shotgun and knife, returned to the house and killed Kopitske…

If the jury had found Hirte insane he would have been sent to a mental institution, where he could petition every six months for release. It’s just a shame they don’t offer the death penalty in Wisconsin. Me thinks he’d make a great candidate? What say you?

Gay Genes – No, not Jordache

Yet another study on human genetics playing a role in human sexuality. Pretty soon, there will be too much irrefutable proof for even the bible thumpers to ignore. Of course, I’m sure they’ll find some other reason to hate us.

But this study examined genetic information on all chromosomes, including genes from the father. The findings show that identical stretches of DNA on three chromosomes were shared by about 60% of gay brothers in the study compared to the about 50% normally expected by chance…
…The genetic scans showed a clustering of the same genetic pattern among the gay men on three chromosomes — chromosomes 7, 8, and 10. These common genetic patterns were shared by 60% of the gay men in the study. This is slightly more than the 50% expected by chance alone.
The regions on chromosome 7 and 8 were associated with male sexual orientation regardless of whether the man got them from his mother or father. The regions on chromosome 10 were only associated with male sexual orientation if they were inherited from the mother.

I’ll be the first in line asking for an apology.

Rants & Pangs for Home

I’m trying to squeeze my babblings in before Stargate comes on. . . So I’m scrolling along thru my usual blogrolling, I stop by the Texan’s blog to get my weekly fix of his great Southern perspective. I love living here but I miss the ‘openness’ of people from the South. Reading the Texan’s blog always makes me a bit nostalgic. It’s mostly his writing style and approach to problems I think that clicks w/me the most. I’ve never met him but next time I get back to big D, I’m hoping we can have lunch or a beer together. Just as bloggers of course. (Tim, get your mind out of my gutter)

If you’re just dying to get yet another Southern boy’s perspective to life, stroll on over and check him out.

Breeder Invasion

Back to my own meanderings now that I’ve gotten that ugly monkey obesity off my back.

I know I probably shouldn’t be annoyed by this but I am. The Castro is being invaded by more and more “breeders” every freaking day. It has gotten to where you can’t walk down the street during the week w/o bumping into a whole gaggle of mommy/daddy combos w/kids in tow.

I know, I know, I should be glad the more and more straights feel comfortable being around so many gays. That I should be happy of the “barrier” breakdown between gay/straights. And I am. That said, I go to the Castro to get away from the straights. Sometimes, I just wanna be around gays. I wanna be able to walk down the street and see nothing but gay people.

I can hear it now, “Oh but thats just not fair Moby, now you are discriminating.” Well, yeah I am in a way. However, being straight has never been a minority. Straights have never been oppressed for being just straight. Gays have and still do. So that gives me the right to be just a little bit biased. And as long as being gay is considered unequal in this country, I will continue to want a place where I can go and just be around my own kind. I may not be the stereo-typical card toting fag but I am still gay.

Super Size Me Big Daddy

I’m a bit pissed. Mainly because this subject has always hit a nerve w/me. Straight from one of Dunner’s rants comes today’s madness. I had my own rant all ready to roll until I got distracted doing my usual blog rolling. And it’s not even the post that has me up in arms. It’s one of the comments to his post! The readers digest version, Dunner was ranting about a guy who was HUGELY obese and had an operation to shave off a huge chunk of himself. The guy, who is still overweight afterwards, was celebrating it. Not to mention, the government got stuck w/most of the bill. So basically, you and I got to pay for his new slimmer look. One person had the unmitigated gall to compare being obese w/being gay. I think someone needs an ole fashioned ass-whoopin.

Ok, ok, before WW (weight watchers) sends the death squad after me, let me clear up a few things. Yes, people who are overweight are often mistreated. I don’t condone that in any form. Making fun of someone who is overweight is not ok. On the same token, hiding behind a flimsy untrue excuse is just as “not ok”. Obesity is a huge problem (no pun intended) in the US and we need to start at the grade school level educating our children on how to eat better and healthier.

I spent most of my early adult life in Houston, TX. Which in case you missed it, is the #1 fattest city in the US. If you don’t believe me check out this month’s men’s fitness along w/consumer reports mag for the last 5 years. SF also has a large “bear” population which is just a fancy way of saying overweight gay guys.

Moving on. It is a documented fact that some people are born predisposed to being overweight. It doesn’t mean they are born fat or that they need to be fat. It just means genetically, their body LOVES food. Said people, can lead normal healthy LEAN lives w/just a bit of extra oversight. Now, for a reality check. Less than 1% of the population suffers from this sort of genetic booboo. What annoys me is more and more people try to absolve themselves of any sort of personal responsibility by blaming all their woes on someone or something else. Lets cover a few more facts.

1) The US is and has been the worlds fattest country for the last 10 years.
2) If you add the #2 & #3 runners up together, the US is STILL #1.
3) If it was just genetics,then you’d see a much more global dispersion of obesity.

It boils down to simple math folks. Genetic or not, if you take in more calories than your burn, you are gonna gain weight. I can’t explain it any simpler than that. However, there is no cure for being gay. I can’t diet or get a surgery to become “not gay”. Anyone comparing the two gets my full uncensored wrath. So for all you folks out there in “denial”, I’m here to give you a wake up call. Trying to pawn off your lazy behaviors on genetics ain’t holding water. Close your chops, get off your ass and do something about it! I’m happy to give you workout tips!

Corporate Disgrace – Again

I don’t know if this is the first incident of 2005 but its the first I’ve noticed. Anyhoo, so get this. A guy is fired from a blood lab for disclosing he is HIV. A BLOOD LAB! The very people who should know better. (full story)
John Couture was hired by Bonfils Memorial Blood Center to work as a phlebotomist – a technician who draws blood – as part of a mobile blood collection team.
Several weeks into his training, he was informed that members of his training class would practice on each other to learn how to draw blood. Couture disclosed his HIV status to his employer to avoid the possibility that one of one of his colleagues would come into contact with his blood during this one-time training. As a result, Bonfils Memorial Blood Center fired him from his position as a phlebotomist, yet allowed him to apply for an inferior position in the production department where he would have no contact with blood donors.

Wait, I know what you’re thinking, “this sounds like a bad episode of Nip/Tuck“. No, I’m afraid not, this really happened. How often do you hear of a phlebotomist saying oops, silly me, I drew my own blood and, *feigned laugh* I accidentally put in your vial” I mean how stupid do these people have to be? Basically, he’d have to draw someone’s blood, stick himself w/a needle draw some of his own blood and then inject it into a used vial.

*ring ring, its the clue phone*

2005

Here it is folks…2005! And my birthday is coming up fast too. I’ll be 34 years old. Wahooo! As I sit here banging away on the keyboard, I feel like a change is in the air. Maybe it’s just the smog blowing back in from the bay. I have the strongest sensation that this is gonna be a good year for me. I can’t quiet put my finger on it at the moment. Lets hope my “gut” is right cause this past year has been a rough one. OY!

Seriously though, where ever you are, take a moment to count the blessings in your life and be grateful. Not everyone is having such a great time of it right now and it should serve as a powerful reminder that your life aint that bad afterall.

Best Wishes to all my faithful bloggers. (all ten) From me to you, Have a Very Happy New Year!

Moby