Strolling

It’s funny how memories can stimulate emotion even after decades. My last post about my childhood was a departure from my normal ramblings in that it was a very specific memory. The detail and clarity were peculiar enough but that’s not all of it. I’ll have one and then hours/days later something else will randomly spark and play out in my head, some good, some bad, some just random and unexpected. All of them surfacing in detail and then moving over for the next one. On a side note, it is a testament to human endurance that painful (even traumatic memories) tend to dull over time while good ones seem to remain bright and warm. Anyway, I don’t usually think back much on my childhood. While there were some really bright spots, most of it was one painful episode after another and better forgotten in my opinion. Honestly, I think I’ve even subconsciously blocked a lot of it out. [1]There are large chunks in several places that just seem to be missing. Even here on my blog I usually talk about my past in general terms as I’m often more concerned with the present.

The memories I do remember have been coming thick and fast over the last couple weeks. It’s been an odd sensation, even disconcerting at times, to have so many of them floating up from out of nowhere. Some from as far back as I can remember and others spread out in a kaleidoscope of random scenes. They never seem to be in any order. And while the stroll down memory lane has certainly been interesting, I’m more concerned with the why. What is it that has happened (or hasn’t) that I’m reliving my past? What kick-started all this into motion? Is it my age and the brain just doing its thing by purging or reinforcing memories? It’s certainly possible but I’m not buying it. I’m sitting here banging away on the keyboard and that idea just doesn’t fit. Is it just a random sense of nostalgia or is there more to it? Is my id trying to tell (or show) me something I’m missing or am I just going coo coo for coco puffs?!  lol  Either way, something is most definitely up.

This is another perfect moment when I get really frustrated with my lack of vocabulary. Yes, I speak purdy but there are times when simple words just don’t do the thought(s) justice. That being said, I’m doing my best to articulate as best I can… Thru it all I’ve had the weirdest sense that a part of me has returned, almost as if it had gone missing. I don’t have the faintest clue at the moment what that part is. [2]I just love little epiphanies, don’t you? lol This is why I continue to blog. I just feel more like myself than I have in awhile. Yes, that’s it exactly! I feel more like myself. But as opposed to what? What part of me has resurfaced or returned? I didn’t know anything went missing, so to have it return is equally confusing. At this moment I can’t pin it down to save my life but now that I’ve said it to myself, it seem right.

I’m sure over time it will come into more focus for me. Yes, you can rest assured I’ll beat it like a dead horse here once it does.  Regardless of what it is, I’m glad. And as I’m so very fond of saying… hope springs eternal.

🙂

References

References
↑1 There are large chunks in several places that just seem to be missing.
↑2 I just love little epiphanies, don’t you? lol This is why I continue to blog.

You Gonna Eat That? II

My last post got gobbled up somehow so I’m writing it again.

I had a flashback to my childhood the other day. It was kind of odd because it was a memory from when I was very young. God it seems like a lifetime ago and thinking of it now seems almost surreal. Anyway…

Picture it. It’s the 1970’s. Yours truly is about 3-4 years old. There’s me, my foster mom/dad and my 2nd oldest brother at the time. Mom was sewing and making clothes, my brother was in school, my dad was at work, and I was left to my own devices. We had a yard at the time that covered about an acres of land with a few trees on it. One tree in particular was my favorite. It wasn’t very big but had an odd limb that grew out not too terribly far from the ground. I couldn’t reach it on my own but if I stacked a 5-gallon bucket and a 50-gallon drum next to each other I cold easily climb up on the limb and hang out.

It was one of my favorite little spots to pass the time. If I was outside, I had to avoid the geese because they were mean and would jump on me, knock me down, and beat me with their wings. I was a tiny little fucker at the time so must have seemed like easy prey to them. Anyway, here I am one day chomping on a PB&J sammich and sitting in ‘my’ tree having a good ole time. I’d heard my dad come home but didn’t think much of it. I’d see him in a bit.

Everything was hunky-dory until I heard my dad yelling at me. I was startled so didn’t quite process what he was saying. I look over a bit confused and see him (along with my mom in tow) running over toward me continually yelling. This served to scare me more as my dad never ran. They are both clearly in distress and my dad jumps up on the 5-gallon bucket and yanks me down. Not understanding what is happening, I’m full on bawling at this point. I’m thinking I’ve somehow managed to do something and get in trouble. Meanwhile, I’m still chomping away at my PB&J sammich. [1]Even then I had a love for food!

I guess they realized they were making my hysterical so my mom starts trying to calm me down. It turns out my dad discovered a nest of yellow-jackets had built a nest right in the crook of the limb where it met the tree. He hadn’t a chance to take care of it I guess. Anyway, my dad seeing me up in the tree freaked out, afraid I was gonna stung. Unbeknownst to me the wasps were loving my sammich and flying all about. One had apparently landed right on my delicious sandwich right as I took a bite. Yup, you guessed it, I ate it! lol It never stung me, or if it did, I didn’t feel it.

My dad later sprayed them with WD-40, which promptly killed’em. An hour or two goes by and I’m right back up in my tree. This time minus the sandwich, watching the world go by. hehehe

I’m not sure why I suddenly remember this but I thought it funny enough to share. Aren’t memories funny sometimes? 

References

References
↑1 Even then I had a love for food!

Casualty

Apparently, my last blog post was a casualty of my learning curve on the mac. I’ve been experimenting with different blogging software on the mac as there doesn’t seem to be a really stand out winner. I’m kinda surprised because I thought for sure there would be a good one.

I use Windows Live Writer on the PC and it turns out, its one of the best out there. And its free. None of the free mac software even comes close. I’m tinkering w/one now called Ecto and it seem something happened between my saving it to the laptop and it getting posted online.

Anyway, I re-write the last post when I get time. It was a child hood memory that sort of hit me out the blue the other day and I thought I’d share. lol

Work In

I don’t get people sometimes. So I’m at the gym one day last week working out, doing my thing. The gym is a tad busier than normal but not overly so. I’m working my arms and I see this guy doing the triceps dip machine. I walk up and very politely ask if I can work in with him. He snaps, ‘sure‘ and proceeds to storm away in a huff.

I was actually surprised because 1) I was very polite and 2) my tone and demeanor was clearly indicative of my willingness to be denied. While it is the policy of the gym that members should share equipment, I know how it is to be in your zone, time schedule, routine, etc and I don’t get offended if someone isn’t willing to share. Of course, if I’d been working a free-weight bench with a big weight difference, I wouldn’t be as willing. Trying to swap off/on weights is a major pain. And while I don’t like people that hog benches because they are too busy gossiping/yakking with friends or bouncing between machines, this machine is as simple as flipping a switch to change the weight. Seriously, its that damn easy.

Of course, I laughed it off and finished my set. Hell, he made it easier for me as I no longer had to wait on him. He came back down about 15 minutes later glaring to see if anyone was on the bench. I’d already started my next set but was tempted to go over and tell him, ‘next time instead of throwing a tantrum like a 12-yr old girl just have the balls to say no.‘ I thought better of it though. He probably would have had an even bigger hissy fit and frankly I didn’t feel like dealing with the drama.

So here is a little advice for those of you who do hit the gym on a regular basis. Be willing to share equipment or have enough of a spine to say no if you don’t. Barring the above mentioned caveats, don’t storm off in a huff because you’re a passive-aggressive pussy pansy dumb-ass wimp.

GHHD #3

GHHD #3 is almost upon us again. [1]Gay High Holy Day aka Foslom St Fair  This weekend marks the 3rd largest gay event of the year in SF. Halloween used to rank in at #4 but because of mayhem caused by outside hoodlums and low-lifes, the city put the kabasch on it.
The gym has been a flutter all week with guys trying to buff up before the weekend. lol I hate to break it to ya but it’s gonna take more than a week fellas. hehehe
Anyway, I’ll probably go to the fair but am not attending any of the big parties this year. Money is tight for one, and two I’m just not that motivated. Actually, I think I’m a little burned out. I’ve done the St Fairs every year since moving here (minus 1 or 2 exceptions) and I think I can miss one or two. 🙂

If you’re coming to the big event, be naughty, be safe, and say hi if you see me roaming around.

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day aka Foslom St Fair

You Again?

It seems the blogging bug has bitten me again. I go in phases so it’s not surprising that I’m back at it. I am a bit surprised at the number of hits I still get considering my lack of blogging lately. I’m by no means a heavy hitter in the blogosphere but I seem to have a strong contingent of faithful readers. (Of which, I’m glad you stick with me or have stuck with me all this years.)

My free time is still limited these days so finding time to sit down and hammer out my thoughts is not as easy as it used to be. Of course as always, twitter, Facebook, and now Google Plus eats up a lot of my spur of the moment thoughts/comments. [1]I’m finding I spend less and less time on FB/Twitter.

I’ve been considering writing a book and self-publishing thru Amazon or the likes. Lawd only knows where I’d find the free time to do that. I can barely keep up with my blog. That said I’m sure there is lots I can go back over and boost myself along. I’m still undecided if I will but it’s an idea. Not to mention, I’m still working on ideas for my next tattoo. Apple guy (Shane) got a new tattoo in honor of Spike’s passing a couple weeks ago and it definitely spurred my interest again.

So here’s hoping the bug sticks with me for awhile.

References

References
↑1 I’m finding I spend less and less time on FB/Twitter.

Year 8

I’m coming to the end of year 7 in my blogging. Whoda thunk I’d stay with it so long? As mentioned previously, the blogging has been a big help over the years. I’ve been reading over some of my old posts here and there and I can definitely see a change. In the beginning I blogged in an effort to sort out things in my head. Surprisingly, even some things I didn’t even know I had in my head got sorted out. Lol Anyway, I still do to an extent but I’ve noticed most days now I tend to already have things sorted and I’m just documenting.

Looking back over 2011, I’ve certainly had some ups/downs. Recovering from the motorcycle accident, my big 40th birthday [1]significant to me in a very personal but good way, the break up with Apple guy, all kinds of financial drama, and most recently the passing of our beloved Spike. Not to mention, I had a really bad bout of depression that stayed with me for months. I’m coming out of it and things are slowly moving in a more positive direction. Let’s hope it continues to do so. I did blog about a lot of it but I chose to keep it private this time around.

I’ve asked myself several times why I chose to keep things private. Some of it was out of respect for others that it obviously impacted. But I think mainly because in the past I needed reassurance and validation for my choices and now its more of me just chronicling my life. While it shows my inner growth as a person it also showed me I still have some growing to do. I’ve also had some really good friends along the way. I’ve maintained a strong inner-circle of friends, new an old. Its been very gratifying to feel the love and support of those who care about me. 🙂

I did have some dark moments [2]as in raw and painful, not anything crazy like suicidal thoughts but I came out of them better for it. When I started this little adventure, my self-awareness wasn’t anywhere close to where it is now. And while I think I still have things to learn, I’m proud of the man I’ve become. I’ve made mistakes, one in particular that I’m still learning from. But I am learning and moving forward. That to me is the most important thing.

So here’s to year 8 beginning in just another month. Stay tuned and wish me luck along the way. As always, hope springs eternal!


References

References
↑1 significant to me in a very personal but good way
↑2 as in raw and painful, not anything crazy like suicidal thoughts

Trip

I’m back from Houston. I went down for a long weekend to help my friend Trevan. He had to go in for a minor back surgery and needed some help getting up and around for a few days.

I ended up flying Southwest this time around. Of course, I’d forgotten I was flying out of Oakland instead of SFO until the morning of. I always seem to forget that when taking BART to Oakland, you have to get off and take a shuttle for the last 3 miles. It sounds simple but often this little detour adds 20-30 mins to your commute. Having to leave a bit early, naturally I didn’t allow for said additional delay and ended up being rushed the whole damn way!

As luck would have it, things went exceptionally smooth. Even though MUNI had experienced an earlier backup, they were clearing as I got to the station. Getting onto BART was equally smooth. The hiccup came when I got to the airport stop and had forgotten the shuttle. Not to mention the shuttle doesn’t take my clipper card. [1]Mass transit card that works on several different trains in the bay area. By the time I got to the the airport it was 30 minutes to my flight departure. That means my flight was boarding. I only had one bag to check and already had my boarding pass so only had to get the bag sorted and get thru security. Everyone was so nice when I asked if I could move thru the line. Not one person was contrary or rude when I asked if I could move in front of them in line so I wouldn’t miss my flight.

I ran the concourse to get there just as the B group was starting to board. I even managed to snag an aisle seat! The flight was pretty full but entertaining because an amateur baseball league was headed to College Station to compete and there was no shortage of hotties! One ended up sitting right next to me. heehee Straight as all hell but we cut up an laughed the whole way to Houston. [2]The several cocktails didn’t hurt.

The visit went fine. Trevan had come home earlier that morning from the hospital and was resting comfortably. It was good to see him. We couldn’t run around like we normally do obviously. I hadn’t really planned on anything exciting anyway. Sunday before I left, Trevan was getting a little stir-crazy so we had lunch out and met up with my buddy Darrel. By the time it came for me to leave, he was getting up/down by himself and doing much more stuff solo. He still has to wear the brace for 30 full days but I left not worrying about him.

I did get one welcome surprise though. TFA had a lay-over in Houston so I got to see him too! I haven’t seen him a couple years now and it was awesome to see him and catch up a bit, albeit briefly.

Coming home was a tad exciting. One, I didn’t realize I was flying home on 9.11. That had me nervous because I never underestimate the power of stupidity in the group setting. I got to the airport way earlier just in case. It was actually kinda slow. Everything went smoothly until someone set off the fire alarm. I’d just sat down and plugged in my computer when it went off. At first people were bewildered on what to do. When the automated voice said, “begin exiting the concourse“, everyone started moving. Luckily, our gate agent had the wherewithal to think it over and told us to wait. Then came the battling announcements from the airport proper on what we should do. One minute a male voice is telling us not to worry its a false alarm and the next minute a female voice is telling us to exit the concourse. Once again, our gate agent told us to sit tight. After about 10 minutes, it was determined to be a false alarm. This was after quite a few people from other gates had made a mass-exodus back to the front of the terminal oooh-weeee! They were pissed! They all had to go back thru security. There were quite a few gate announcements for people being called by name. I’d have totally been pissed myself.

On the flight, I got an exit row so had room to stretch. Oddly enough, I ended up next to the acting Chief of the Oakland Fire Dept. lolol She was very nice and gave me two free coupons for cocktails. 🙂 The rest of the flight was pretty smooth. There was one point where we were flying over a thunderstorm. I don’t think I’ve actually ever done that. Watching the lightening from above was kinda cool.

Anyway, I’m glad to be home. I missed my beloved SF. If you want, you can check out a few random pics from my Google Plus feed.

References

References
↑1 Mass transit card that works on several different trains in the bay area.
↑2 The several cocktails didn’t hurt.

E-what?

It’s no secret that I’m a big proponent of the digital age. It’s been great to see the push to convert traditional printed media to e-formats; be it music, video, books, magazines, etc. In an ideal world this would mean people are getting more access to content they own with a minimal of fuss and a lot less waste of natural resources.

Sadly the reality is somewhat different. The ridiculous and often extremely out-dated copyright laws in this country are strangling the growth of the digital convergence. Not to mention even more ridiculous restrictions by content authors. And if not updated soon, it promises to make things even worse. There are 3 different bills regarding copyright and “fair use” circulating thru congress as we speak. [1]I read up a lot on TechDirt. I highly recommend you follow them if you like reading about such stuff. None of which does anything to improve access to the consumer. I blame the whole Napster/RIAA drama for jumpstarting an atmosphere of litigation based on irrational fears, ignorance, and flat out lies. Every independent study I’ve ever read shows pirated content makes up a fraction of the total online availability of econtent. Granted, theft is theft regardless of the format. That being said, the approach here is draconian and ineffective. For every illegal site taken down, 10 more pop up.

You’ll always have a few folks who want to beat/cheat the system. That won’t go away so trying to legislate them out of existence is an exercise in futility. Most people on the other hand will do the honest/right thing when given the option a convenient, cheap, and effective distribution model. Case and point, I can view an e-subscription of the SF Chronicle on an actual Kindle device but I can’t view the same subscription on an iPad, iPod, or Android device running the very same Kindle software. [2]Don’t get me wrong, I’m not picking on Amazon as this isn’t their doing. Now how exactly does that solve anything? I’ll tell you what it solves; it means I won’t be buying an esubscription (or any other) to the Chronicle. Instead, I’ll continue to scour the web for my news/info from free sites. Yes, it’s a bit harder but I want to consume content when it’s convenient to me. A prime example of control vs. use gone wrong. Considering printed newspapers are already dying a slow death, it borders on sheer stupidity to limit your user base. While I can get the same content for free elsewhere, I am perfectly willing to fork over a small monthly fee for
congregated content related to my interests.

Another example. Two of my favorite scifi/horror authors have several eBooks online for sale [3]at the same price as a paperback which is ridiculous in itself but whatever. yet once again you can only get it on this device or that. Even worse, several books in a series are available but 1 or 2 in the series aren’t. Once again, does it mean I’ll run out and buy the missing book in traditional paper? NO! It means I will pass on the entire series until I can get all of them in the format of my
choosing.

I am hopeful that companies and authors will wise up and realize they are cutting their own financial throats. The music industry was dragged kicking and screaming into the digital age and for all their fear-mongering and lies; they are still making money hand over fist. The RIAA even admitted a while back that yes, pirated content is only a fraction of global sales and distribution. tsk, tsk! Why other industries haven’t learned from them is beyond me. Actually, that’s not true, I know why. Greed. They are holding onto dying, yet originally more profitable, distribution models. [4]And don’t even get me started on the things people/companies actually try to
copyright now. As they watch traditional distribution (and consumption) of content dry up, they become ever more restrictive of the content itself. They seem to overlook the fact that while newer digital distribution models demand less per person, they reach a much much larger audience (and cost a whole lot less to produce). This more than makes up for any loss. One would think it’s a no-brainer but sadly not.

References

References
↑1 I read up a lot on TechDirt. I highly recommend you follow them if you like reading about such stuff.
↑2 Don’t get me wrong, I’m not picking on Amazon as this isn’t their doing.
↑3 at the same price as a paperback which is ridiculous in itself but whatever.
↑4 And don’t even get me started on the things people/companies actually try to
copyright now.