Clones

No, not Star Wars. lol I’m curious why so many gay men have an issue with couples that look similar to each other or are “clones.” This is not a new phenomenon but I stumbled across several examples in the last few weeks. Some of the commentary was downright vicious and got my curiosity going.

On some level I guess people assume both are extreme narcissists, so of course they are into clones of themselves. And for some that may be true. Unfortunately, a lot of the couples I see targeted rarely seem to fit the mold. They often have one or two similar features that set it off. I actually rarely see couples where the guys are similar enough to the point of looking like brothers or cousins.

One couple on FB broke up and the side commentary was pretty nasty. The only thing they really seemed to have in common was lots of very dark body hair and beards. This gave them a very similar look but only at a very superficial glance.

On IG, there was a story floating around about a couple that was fighting because one was cheating with another guy. The cheater and the other guy were both naturally smooth looking and had blond hair in a similar style.1 And the queens were just downright vicious with some of the clone comments. I guess in this example it could have been an extension of anger over the cheating.

I like a lot of the physical traits I have in others. While I’ve never dated anyone who would be considered my clone, so what if I did? And science tends to think that people who gravitate toward others with similar physical traits is quite normal. I found no less then 3 different peer reviewed studies on the subject doing a few quick Google searches.2

Do gay guys feel threatened or deprived because they feel a sort of unfairness is involved? Is it jealousy? Why does it seem to invoke such a visceral reaction? Why the hell do you care!? If two people are happy, and they happen to be look-a-likes, then leave them alone or support their happiness. Don’t be a caddy bitch.

  1. Forgetting for a moment, no one wants to see or hear your dirty laundry aired out on social media. []
  2. Notice I said “peer-reviewed”, not someone’s blog rants like mine! heehee []

Follow?

I get so tickled at some of the games people play on social media. If you use Instagram (IG) at all, I’m sure you’ve seen the “follow for follow” or “unfollow = unfollow” comments in profiles.

Bitch, if I unfollow you I don’t really care if you unfollow me. I ain’t following you anymore so why would I care? lol This happens because ‘follows’ have become a bit of a game where scam profiles (or even legit ones) follow a bunch of other accounts in the hopes of quickly gaining followers. Once you follow them, they often unfollow you. Since IG doesn’t display this you technically don’t know they have unfollowed you. Having a lot of followers on IG is like being rich in monopoly money. Why I certainly enjoy when I get new followers, much like my blog, it is not my purpose. I go out of my way to track and block fake accounts.

It all panders to our insecurities and need for approval. Bitch, I tackled those demons years ago. As Bianca would say, “Not today, Satan! Not today!” lol1

I only like to follow folks that interest me in someway. To be frank, I follow a lot of muscle guys for motivation to get my ass in the gym. I typically follow guys that are bigger than me but not huge. I honestly don’t find huge guys attractive or motivational. At some point, you just look gross IMO.2 Of course, like most homos, I follow accounts of guys I’m attracted to as well. So you can see my IG is pretty shallow most days. lolol And I’m ok with that because it serves a purpose without really impacting me in a way I find detrimental. I don’t obsess over guys I consider more attractive. Nor do I put myself down because I haven’t reached a fitness goal that nears perfection. I already know I’ll never reach that level and don’t plan to.3 I use the profiles/pics for motivation to remind me to get my lazy ass to the gym. And yes, the occasional stimulation doesn’t hurt none either. heehee

If you follow me there, you know most of my posts are selfies from the gym, trips, and dogs. That about sums it up. You might get inspired, bored, or neither. That is ok cause I on there for me. I appreciate comments and likes but I don’t go out of my way to capture the ‘perfect selfie’. Most of time, it is very spur of the moment pics.

Besides, does anyone really need hundreds of thousands or even tens of thousands of followers? Who could possibly keep up with that? Not me. I’m get tired just scrolling thru all the bulldog profiles!

  1. Speaking of, going to see her on 11.15.19, can’t wait! []
  2. And don’t go getting triggered. I ain’t “yuck-ing your yum”, I just don’t like it for myself. []
  3. It is way too much damn work for one. []

Chewer

So Daisy is a chewer. When she gets a little worked up, she will chew on practically anything that happens to cross in her path. This by itself wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t actually eat half the shit she chews on.

So far she has destroyed (and eaten part of) a combat boot, a cabinet leg, several shoes, a luggage strap, a couch throw pillow, a Velcro wrapping strap, and who knows what else. The unfortunate downside of said adventures is when she tries to poop all this mess out. Twice now she’s had ‘issues’ with pooping. Lawd, give me ‘strungth’. heehee1

Cooper was never much of a chewer and when he did, he knew what to chew on. He just got it right away. Daisy is a bit less focused so far. She’s still young so I’m sure she’ll grow out of it to a degree. However, most dogs that love to chew, do so well into old age. I hope the apt survives! haha She is just an angel otherwise; so sweet, gentle and just loves cuddles and rubs.

She has adjusted to living with us and is fully bonded. She feels safe when we aren’t there and rarely barks. She roams the block and neighborhood with me like a pro. She has developed a habit of sleeping next to me on the couch. She will drape one leg over mine and lay down to sleep. If she is next to me, her leg is over mine, no exceptions. It is totes adorable. She loves my roommate’s Frenchie, Toby. They get along too well at times. They love to play tug of war with toys and constantly like to play and wrestle. The noise can be a bit much when they get really worked up.

Beyond the chewing, she is very skittish. Bullies can be skittish, especially as pups. However, they tend to grow out of it. I’m not so sure Daisy will. She gets freaked out by strange sounds very easily. Even plastic grocery bags freaked her out at first. (Ironically, Fleet Week didn’t phase her one bit!) Anything close to her that makes a strange sound will set her off. My neighbor put out a skeleton dog as a Halloween decoration and she would not walk past it for a good 5 minutes. She finally figured out it wasn’t alive or going to hurt her. Even though, she still routinely sniffs it to make sure it’s not a threat. lol Some of that will change as she ages but I foresee her being skittish for years to come.

But, all problems aside I love her dearly. She is a sweet girl and just can’t help but love her. She has become part of the family.

  1. Thankfully, we invested it pet insurance for her. []

Meal Prep

So…. I’ve lost a little bit of my gut again. I always seem to get to this point and not much further. hehehe Even though I haven’t had Taco Bell in forever, I still call it my TB gut.

I routinely fluctuate about 15 lbs but after a hard gym routine for the last few months, I’m back to my leaner self. I keep telling myself to keep going but my desire for delicious food often ruins it.

That said, I’m been using a meal delivery service and the meals are healthy. While it is a bit pricey, it has helped my diet significantly. I’ve been thru Freshly, FlexPro, Fresh N’Lean, and now I’m on to Factor 75. Freshly was the best of the group but the meal selection is limited when you order the max 12 meals a week. If they rotated out meals more often I’d still be with them. FlexPro was a bit generic. Not bad, but for the price I felt like I wasn’t getting my money’s worth. Fresh N’Lean started out great but then they started putting some sort of vinegar or pickling agent in the veggies for every dish and it just got to be too much. I don’t think they realize when you vacuum seal the food, that flavor seeped into the rest of the meal.1 Factor 75 was recommended by the guy at my Vitamin shoppe. I’m having the same problem with them I had with Freshly but they at least rotate a few different meals more often. I’ll probably rotate back to Freshly eventually. There is no contract so you can switch or cancel anytime you want.

Anyway, the meals have been good for my waistline. I can tell my body is detoxing form all the carbs because I’m constantly craving sweets or pasta these days. I’m one of those guys who can eat fatty foods no problem. I eat carbs and my ass expands exponentially. heehee I blame my Southern roots.

So not bad for a almost 49 year old fella, eh? I mean I could be leaner or bigger but I think I’m doing pretty good. I took off from the gym this past week for our trip and I miss it. Shawn and I were joking recently as he mentioned the same thing. Time to get back at it. Maybe I’ll even get a few baby abs.

Hope springs eternal…

  1. I did tell them when I left but I doubt anything changed. I got the generic response. []

Bias

If you know me, you know I talk about personal bias a lot. Everyone has biases. It is a natural process as humans grow. As our morals (or lack thereof) are shaped thru our environment and our brains learn to label things, bias is inevitable. But, we also have something called logical reasoning. This allows us to recognize and potentially overcome our biases when they are wrong or misguided. That is, if we chose to examine our feelings or try to separate our bias from facts.

In society today, bias rules supreme on social media. IMO it is one of the single largest failings of “social media”. It has allowed people to isolate themselves from opposing opinions or anyone who disagrees with xyz topic. It also allows folks to reach out and find others who think in similar terms, which only serves to reinforce one’s bias.

Sadly, this has lead us to the ‘fake news’ era and a flat out unwillingness of people to believe facts. Don’t even get me started on the never ending fake sites that pop up alleging malicious acts or crimes against persons they are against. The rise in anti-intellectualism stems from an unwillingness to let go or overcome one’s own bias.

And this brings me to my rant today. You can’t call yourself a moral, christian, or even a good person when you ignore facts in favor of bias. When you simply decide “I do not believe that” in favor of bias, then you are not in fact a moral, christian, or even a good person. Faith in an idea, person, or even religion should be dependent on denying truth. As a moral or ethical person, you should care about truth above biases, even your own. More importantly, you should be willing to challenge your own bias to see if it is grounded in fact or fiction.

Aging

Well color me surprised, I got several welcome back emails after my last post. lol Thanks to those who responded. I honestly didn’t think anyone still visited the site. However, I forgot about my RSS feed and the email push. Duh!

Anyway, I’m always touched when folks read here. It’s pretty bland these days as I’ve resisted discussing current events. I don’t want the blog to turn into a bitch fest so I’ll have to really think it over. Lawd knows I have an opinion on most current events. Social media is so toxic these days I may open the blog up to more topics. I miss it.

A reader did follow up about my age post and I figured I’d update on what I meant. I have definitely noticed my age these last few years. It started around 46 but the following year seemed to really be the dividing line. I’m fast approaching ‘ancient’1 I’m just a year and a few months away! Oh dear, how will I cope? The same as always.

To the question put to me, I have noticed why some older guys tend to resent the gay community as I age. Many of these things don’t phase me but I can see how it can turn ugly fast. The one I get most tickled over is when young guys hit me up on ‘certain apps’ and then get bitter when I either don’t respond or politely decline. Many times the trending retort is something along the lines of” your old anyway” or “your bald and old“.  One guy went so far as to setup a fake profile to try and harass me. He would send me messages like, “what’s up chubs” or “how you doing gramps“.  It was hysterical. The less I reacted the more he tried to get me upset. I finally took pity and let him know his attempts to hurt or anger me had failed and he had my compassion. If your life is so bad you need to resort to such antics, you truly have my sympathy. The profile disappeared after that. When he sees me on the streets now, his sneers have turned to just ignoring me. Either way, not my problem.

On the flip side, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little when someone I’m into declines and I get the impression it’s due to age. But sting vs tantrum are very different feelings. I accept the fact it will happen and so it makes handling it much easier….usually.

And that is how I approach some of the more negative aspects of aging in the gay community. I get it, we’re very carnally driven and as we age the desire remains while our attraction from others wanes. This can lead to some painful conflicts. I think it really falls back on how much you accept and love yourself. If you haven’t tackled those demons, then aging can be very hard and even isolating when you’re single. I adore my Shawn but if things went south, I’d never hold onto him out of fear of being alone. Been there, done that and no thanks. Fortunately, we’re doing good. It helps that I care more for his happiness than whether we are together or not. I love him dearly but I’d never want us to stay together and be miserable just so we aren’t “single.”

I have more funny examples but I feel like I’m rambling. I’m sure I’ll share them later.

 

  1. if you’ve ever read here you’ll know I lovingly refer to reaching 50 in gay years as ancient. []

Back At It?

I mentioned it before but after Cooper passed away the desire to blog just sort of left me. I mean I’d been drifting away for awhile before that but Cooper’s death just hit me so hard and I didn’t really feel it anymore.

But, I find myself really missing it. I miss rambling on here. And a shocker for any of long time readers left, a few of my old demons have surfaced lately and I’m trying my best to deal with them constructively. Rambling away here has always helped me do that.

I looked at my site stats the other day and was a bit surprised how many of my old posts still get non-bot views. Who da thunk it? My google rank has plummeted but that is to be expected.

In new news, I’ve been grappling with my age lately. Not in a bad way just noticing things, specifically on how I’m viewed/treated by others. I have plenty of thoughts to share on it. So hopefully, I’m back at it here. Time will tell I guess.

Hope springs eternal…

Daisy Mae

Daisy Mae Rescue

Please welcome my new baby girl Daisy Mae Rescue to the family! She is a 2 year old bully who was surrendered by her previous elderly owners as they couldn’t take care of her. As you can see, she is beautiful. And just the sweetest thing. Bullies have so many similar traits but they always have their own unique personalities and quirks. Unlike Cooper’s more forthright energy and eagerness for attention, she is a little more subtle and gentle.

I found her thru the same site I found Cooper, the NCBR1. The primary contact actually remembered me and Cooper. We had a wonderful chat and even the intern remembered him. I was so touched.

When Cooper passed away I knew I’d eventually rescue another one. I just needed time to heal. Of course, I didn’t expect the big whammy they hit me with. While the site contact and I were texting, she sent me Daisy’s date of birth. Are you ready for this? Daisy was born the same month/day as Cooper. She was two weeks older than when I picked up Cooper. It was eerie and exhilarating at the same time. Of course, when I got the text I just burst into tears. I think Shawn knew I was sold on her at that point but I really did keep an open mind. Cooper came along before I met Shawn and I wanted this dog to be ours, not just mine. I wanted to make sure he was sold as much as I was.

We’d originally planned to go see two other dogs but the site contact emailed me about Daisy just coming into their care. She wasn’t even on the website yet. They sent me pics of her so I knew what she looked like. Anyway, we stopped in Vacaville to see the first bully. Shawn had sort of been leaning toward this one but he turned out not to be a good fit. He was a bit of a brute, but more worryingly, he’d been in foster for months and he already felt at home. He was with about 6 other dogs as well. He definitely would have felt like he was being separated again. I think he was older than the 3 years they estimated him at. He was also overly possessive about toys. This presented a red flag for us with Toby. Overall, he just wasn’t the best fit.

After nightmare traffic, we finally made it up to Folsom. We were now scheduled to see two dogs, Summer and Daisy. Summer was super sweet and hyper. Her energy reminded me so much of Cooper, as he was a little dynamo when I first met him. She was recovering from a severe Demodex infestation but it didn’t diminish her energy at all, which made her even more adorable. She was tiny for a bulldog. She was barely larger than Toby, my roomie’s Frenchie. Her energy would have been a challenge for sure but she was adorable and friendly. Truth be told if I had room, I would have brought them both home. But, I could only pick one.

Daisy was brought out and right away I knew I wanted her. And she charmed us both. She went right up to Shawn and asked to be petted. It was so adorable. She gently hopped up and put her paws in his lap requesting attention. She was so sweet and eager for us to love on her. Shawn was sold and I knew we were going to get her. We decided she was the best fit and brought her home!

She is adjusting very well and has only a few bad manners. Being barely an adult, she needs some structure. She is a chewer and we’ve already have some episodes of her chewing on stuff she shouldn’t; namely the furniture. lolol I took the week off to help her bond to her new home and day three really saw her blossom. She came out of her shell and really showed off her personality. Even better, her and Toby are like best friends. They play so well together and just really get a long great.

She is just now beginning to realize her life as a princess is beginning. We’re working on her manners and expect her to be a pure joy for years to come. So far, no health problems at all. She is young, vibrant, and very lovable.

  1. Northern California Bulldog Rescue []

Snap

There are days where I see what humans are doing to this planet and I think to myself, “ya know, maybe Thanos had the right idea?” Then I realize we’d still be stuck with half the stupid people and I just shake my head.

If you told me 20 years ago we’d still be disparaging people over the color of their skin or calling vaccines sorcery I wouldn’t have believed you. Sadly, that is where we are today in 2019.

Our selfishness will be our undoing.

Not Gone

I don’t blame ya for thinking I ‘be done’ abandoned the blog. Cooper’s death hit me really hard. I was depressed afterwards. I spent most of my time eating and working with the occasional video game binge in there. I’m still completely heartbroken he is gone. I miss him so much.

I’ve reached a point where I get thru the days without crying…mostly. I still have days where I just can’t shake the loneliness. But, I am getting better. It’s coming up on 2 months since he passed. I will adopt/rescue another wonderful bully again. I want to grieve and heal first. When the time comes, I will know it. Anyway, I the desire to blog or even keep up with the blog totally left me when he passed. I even considered closing it down. I think that was mostly the depression speaking.

In less depressing and actually exciting news, Shawn and I just celebrated our 6th year together. Lawd only knows how he puts up with me? I still love him as much as I did in the beginning and am grateful he does indeed put up with me. Hehehe We had dinner at Firewood Cafe (which is closing soon) in the hood where we had our first meal together. Shawn is (and has been for a while now) my longest relationship. I guess there is something to be said for that.

So yeah, I’m still here.