Again, thank you to everyone for the encouragement and support. I got so many emails I don’t think I’ll get to everyone personally. Just know I read every single email and I am grateful for the kind words.
I was angry yesterday. I’m still angry but I’ll get over it. We have so much else to focus on w/o blaming each other. And for those few scathing personal emails sent by the ‘anon’ crowd, well I pity you. How miserable you must be locked in your self-hatred and contempt.
Today, we cleaned out my friends apartment. With the exception of mementos, most of the stuff was junk and we had to throw a lot of it away. His transition thru law school here was only meant to be temporary so he didn’t spend much effort on material stuff. The stuff not thrown out we are donating to Out of the Closet.
I think today was the hardest for my friend’s ex, who is here helping. So many old memories brought to the surface was a bit much for him. My just being there brought him solace I think. For my part, I really just wanted to make sure if my friend did have anything of value it was kept away from his hate-mongering family. We discovered he did have a will but unsure what will come of it. Most of his wordly goods are still in his home back South. I’m sad that his family will probably end up w/much of it. They don’t deserve any of it in my opinion.
I was brought to tears when I discovered a variety of antibiotics in the apartment. Antibiotics that probably would have saved his life if only he’d taken them. I don’t think he really knew what was wrong w/him so it never occurred to him to take them. This hurt me as something so simple but so important was within easy reach. But, I learned a long time ago nothing good can come from the “shoulda coulda woulda” mentality. What’s done is done and I have to move on. All though, I didn’t have the heart to tell his ex. It would have devastated him.
The few items I kept were every day stuff you could pick up at target. Other than a few pictures, I don’t need mementos. He is in my heart and head and he is w/me always. If I’m lucky, I’ll find his soul again one day.
Another friend is putting together a small memorial service later in the week. Nothing fancy, just a gathering of his friends to celebrate his life. Or, at least that’s what I’m hoping for. I made it clear I was not up for a cry fest where everyone gets ridiculously hysterical. That is not what he would have wanted and it never benefits anyone.
This will be the last discussion about my friend’s death on the blog. People laugh at me sometimes when I talk about my blogging experiences. The blog has so enriched my life I really can’t see myself w/o it now. You complete strangers. You constantly renew my faith in the good of humanity. I thank you.
Moby
