Giving Up

After an argument today with the bf (or ex-bf I should say), it has become very clear to me he has no desire to reconcile and never has. With that in mind, I have given up any hope of salvaging our 3 1/2 year relationship. Most of my anger last night was over this very revelation. I must confess I’m still mystified as to why he doesn’t even care to try. Today, his only feeble attempt at a reason was “we’ve grown apart.” In the breadth of the last year, we’ve somehow grown apart. I could insert some really mean things here but what’s the point? It won’t change anything and really wouldn’t make me feel any better either.

I also discovered he is rather annoyed that I post my feelings on this blog. Several of our mutual friends, along w/a gaggle of nosey watchdogs, read it and run back to him wanting details. I make no apologies for the way I feel. I’ve said nothing here that I haven’t told him face to face. Is he afraid people will judge him based solely on my comments? If so, that’s his problem. This is my way of working thru the pain and disappointment of being discarded like yesterdays trash. I’ve been there for him thru thick and thin. I encouraged him when he was down and I applauded him when he was up. This is what I get in return. [1]Do I sound bitter here? I think so too After the way he so casually dismissed the life we had together, I’m not even sure I could take him back now.

The only thing left to do now is put it behind me, pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on.

References

References
1 Do I sound bitter here? I think so too

Bad Day

I’m not even sure how to start this one. I’m annoyed enough I could break something. As pathetic as it sounds, I discovered today that several of my ex-partner’s friends keep checking my blog in the sole attempt to report back on my “comments” regarding our split. The stupidity of said people is overwhelming considering I monitor my blog traffic IP addresses and my blog is public. On top of that, my ex seems to think I’m stupid enough to not hear about if from people we know. Not to mention everything on my blog, I’ve said to his face. But enough on that.

So here is a comment for you nosy pests. Yeah we split up. Feel better now? Just itching to swoop in and take my place? My advice to you is go for it!

Me, Oh So Long Ago

Being a typical vain fag, I’m a member of several online gay muscle sites. I’ve gotten alot of requests from guys wanting to know what I looked like before I started working out.

Well folks, seeing is believing! The pic below is me circa 1990. This is me before I knew what working out was all about. (It was also me when I HAD hair).

Moby Circa 1990
As you can see, I’ve changed quite a bit since then. My goal was never to be huge, just bigger. I didn’t actually start working out in earnest until early 2000. I’ve never been one to work out so I could impress others. I got tired of being so damn skinny a good gust a wind could blow me away. Now don’t get me wrong, I like the attention I get now that I’m bigger. That said, when I started working out for my reasons, I stuck w/it. Its become a part of my life that I can’t go without. I don’t live for the gym but I go often.

On a related note, I got the chance to experiment w/a low impact steroid about a year ago after recovering from a bad case of food poisoning. By low impact I mean a pill version w/limited side-effects. While it did give me a really good pump, I found that my sex drive increased exponentially. And while this may sound like a good thing, let me explain. I’ve always had a strong libido. If you know me, you know I ain’t lyin’. So after about 2 weeks, it got to the point where I could not focus on a single task without thinking about sex. When I could get it, where, from who, how often, etc. After a while, it began to affect my daily routine and my job. I know what your thinking…”I’d kill for that” right? Wrong! When it starts affecting your life on a fundamental level, its time to quit. And quit I did.

Afterwards, I did manage to keep a little of the bulk I had gained but not much. What goes up must come down. The same is true for the body. While I peaked performance on the drug, I went thru a dip after coming off of it. My desire for sex evaporated. For the first time in my life, I knew what it meant to not be in the mood. I also couldn’t muster the same amount of energy to workout. I’d go for days w/o even going to the gym. After about 2 weeks I leveled out to normal again. I can only imagine what the stronger injectable versions would do to you. Yikes!

So the long and short of it is simple. I’m proof positive anyone can workout and improve their appearance. Its no always easy but, if it was everyone would do it.

Thats my story officer and I’m sticking to it!

British Airways Sucks Ass!

I’m destined to just stay on my horse this week.

You’d think an airline that’s 1 step away from being bankrupt would be a little more gracious to its paying customers regardless of who their sleeping with. However, British Airlines has decided to harass to of its paying passengers by asking them to “not kiss” on their flights. Now I ask you, how ignunt is that?

The Not so Happy Cheney’s

Apparently, all is not peaches in the Cheney Household. Ms Cheney took offense to some of the comments made my John Kerry during the debate.

I think the Cheney’s secretly support their daughter and have had their hands tied by a twisted conservative administration. Her startling absence from most functions only adds to this belief.

If they had any moral backbone, they would come out publicly in support of their daughter. Of course, we know thats not gonna happen…Oh well, one can dream.

Thanks to Dunner

So I’m scrolling thru some of my favorite blogs and I stumble across dunners blog about a pharmacist in Nowhereville who decides because of his religion – he is NOT going to refill a woman’s birth control prescription. THIS is what the future will be like for everyone if GW BUSH gets re-elected to another term. The Bushwacked Administration, as I like to call’em, are steadfastly eroding all the protections and rights that we’ve worked hard for over the last 20 years. Take a gander at his blog and read for yourself.

On a separate rant…For all the closed minded individuals out there, here is some disappointing news I’m afraid. Another study that shows that being “gay” is not a choice. Hide behind fear and ignunce while you can, your days of propagating hatred are coming to an end!