Author: Moby

WWMD v3.1

So this month’s What Would Moby Do is much less risqué. lol  Actually, I find this question comes up a lot and is a doozy for newbies to the world of gay.  It is also a two part-er, hence the 3.1.

Q: How do you meet people for friendship?

A:  There are a variety of ways to meet new people.  Bars, online, social gatherings, volunteering, etc can all be venues based on where you live. [1]Living in a remote or small town might mean having to trek to the closest big city. 

Make an effort.  Don’t show up somewhere and just expect others to magically engage you in conversation.  You don’t have to be the life of the party, little nudges go a long way though.  Be yourself, be honest.  Let go of any unrealistic expectations of what or who you should or shouldn’t be.  No one likes a phony and it often takes way too much effort to maintain such a facade. 

Volunteering is a great way to not only meet people but you get to do a good deed.  Find gay related charities or organizations in your area.  It doesn’t have to be a lifetime commitment but it should be something you can relate to or enjoy.  Play the “newbie” angle.  Use it as an excuse to introduce yourself to others.  You’d be surprised how many people will reach out and try to make you feel welcome. 

Join a social group that involves hobbies or activities you enjoy.  Same as volunteering, you get to meet new people and work that “newbie” status! lol  This can go hand in hand w/online social sites.  There are plenty to choose from.  Chances are high any hobby you pick there will be a social site dedicated to it.  If you take the online route, take the time to fill out your profiles with your info, likes, dislikes, goals, hobbies, etc.  Like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it.  I keep a master word (text works just as well) file with all of my profile data in it.  I can easily copy and paste it if I find myself joining a new or different site. 

Continue reading WWMD v3.1

References

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↑1 Living in a remote or small town might mean having to trek to the closest big city.

Rewind & Review

still chugging along

First, a big thank you to everyone for the kind words and support. I’m not upset or angry as much as disappointed. I liked him so of course it stung a little. Even though I think his method was a bit callous, I appreciate him saying up front he wasn’t interested. It saved both of us a lot of unnecessary drama later.

brettcajun made an interesting comment I feel bears review. His point about self-analysis was very astute, with one minor modification. This was not about what I did wrong. And while I did spend some time going over what transpired, I meant what I said and said what I meant. I regret nothing.

Not always being the most introspective person, it has taken me years to develop a strong sense of self and I have learned to value that. I am somewhat proud to say, now more than ever, I recognize in myself what it is I do and do not have to offer potential partners. I am learning to value that as well. On the other side of the coin, I also have a firm idea what is I want and need from someone else. And frankly, I am not willing to forgo that just to have a partner. [1]been there, done that, still have the t-shirt

So yeah, I’m a little miffed things didn’t go better but ultimately, it is for the best.

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↑1 been there, done that, still have the t-shirt

Dear Moby

Well, I’m 3 for 3 in losses for dating this year. lol 

I just got a “Dear Moby” letter.  The irony is I hadn’t even finished the post about how we met. How’s that for a kick in the rubber pants?

Readers digest version: I’ve seen said guy around since I first moved here.  We would always do a double take when we saw each other.  However the timing always seemed to be off.  Then there were the 3+ years I was with the ex.  Fast forward a few more years, we start seeing each other around again.One particular time I stop to say hi, we exchange info but he had started dating someone.

Fast forward again to 2 weeks ago.  He says hello to me at Starbucks and seems to want to connect.  We have a coffee date last weekend.  I got the impression things went really well. He even invited me to go line-dancing after the Easter holiday.  

Today, I get a rather ambiguously worded email. [1]So very personal of him Basically, “its not you, its me” sort of shtick.  While I might have been born at night, I was not born last night.  I can clearly read between the lines.  And considering how long its taken us to actually spend any length of time together, I’m not really upset.  My real gripe is I wish he would have been more of a man about it. I’d respect him a whole lot more for having enough personal integrity to just tell me he didn’t think we were a good match. 

Oh well, as Wanda (from In Living Color) would say, “gurl, I dun burned up another one!”

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↑1 So very personal of him

Found Me

I just had to share. I was looking the search stats for my blog this month and I’m always amazed at how weird some of the searches turn out to be.

Apparently, the search phrase “steam room pimples” brought 10 people to my blog in the past month.

Who da thunk it?

Surprised

blog

I got a very nice surprise at the post office today.  An anonymous reader sent me this t-shirt.  It was a very nice gift and I am very appreciative.  You didn’t have to be anonymous though. [1]It was obviously someone on my xmas list as they wouldn’t have my PO box otherwise.

back

The irony here is I recently ordered a custom shirt online.  This one is much better than my version. lol  I wore it today and got several smiles and laughs about it. 

So whoever you are, thank you very much for such a nice gift. I am very flattered.

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↑1 It was obviously someone on my xmas list as they wouldn’t have my PO box otherwise.

Hack

I hacked one of my old plug-ins and finally got it to work with the new template. This just means my categories are back as a link, up top. The blogroll will be back shortly as well. I also added a new log-in feature directly to the home page. This hopefully simplifies the login process as well as giving visual clues to users to know when they are actually logged in or not. [1]Are you logged in? You should be. *EG*

The great thing about WP 2.7 is it is much more widget and hook friendly. The bad news is it is much harder to do manual hacks. There are pros and cons to be both approaches but I like tinkering with the code.

Someone complained the links to the old blog were broken but they look fine to me. I’ve tried a variety of browsers and can’t seem to get a failed link. If you experience trouble, email me.

References

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↑1 Are you logged in? You should be. *EG*

Doh!

I have a little confession to make.  I sorta met someone recently.  No, not the beefy guy. Actually, I met this guy before the beefy guy but only off and on and mostly in the carnal sense. While on the beefy side as well, he has more of a humpy corn fed look. [1]Not to mention, an ass so plump and juicy it would make you sit up and beg.  I’m sure I don’t need to fill in the details.  I’ll just say we seemed to be a good “fit”.  And with the beefy guy out of the picture, corn fed boy has been a nice distraction, to say the least.

We’ve spent about 5 nights together off/on over the last 2 weeks. I know, shame on me for not spilling the beans earlier.  With everything else as of late, I just didn’t get around to blabbing about it, sue me.  Plus, as I said, things weren’t serious.  However, I was beginning to get the impression things might take a more serious route.  Well that is until tonight.  After a very hot couple rounds of sex, he tells me he has been seeing someone else and has to stop playing around with me. WTF?  I guess things are getting a little more serious with the other guy.  Talk about a kick in the teeth. 

I can handle him choosing the other guy over me, but his total selfish approach hit me a bit wrong. To add insult to injury, I had invited him to a party with me tonight. [2]Rob, sorry I didn’t make it.  Obviously, that didn’t happen. My mood was a bit soured so I ended up sitting at home polishing off a box of girl scout cookies, a chicken/cheese bagel, and two cups of pudding.

I’m over it now.  The good news is I’ll make it to the gym nice and early tomorrow to work off the billion calories I consumed tonight. 

As the ever famous Hateful Helen would say, “NEXT!”

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↑1 Not to mention, an ass so plump and juicy it would make you sit up and beg.
↑2 Rob, sorry I didn’t make it.

Color Me Crazy

As if the drama last night wasn’t enough, I got called a ‘crazy racist’ online today because I wasn’t attracted to a guy sexually. Not the first time and probably not the last. Here is our conversation.

Him: Nice profile and pics, wanna come f*ck me?

Me: Hey bud, I appreciate the offer but not really a match for me. Happy Hunting.

Him: Why don’t you just admit your crazy racist ass-hole. You make me sick. [1]I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.

Me: Wait. Because, I’m not attracted to you, I’m a racist asshole? And first you want me to fuck you but then I make you sick? Which is it? I could have just hit the delete button like a lot of guys on here. I took the time to politely say, “no thanks” and I’m the asshole? So, in that vein of thought, what I should have said is, “no thanks, your fugly”. Would that have been better? Do me a favor, don’t project your inability to handle rejection onto me.

Him: *I got a follow up reply but I deleted it without opening it.*

Like I said, I could have handled it better by just ignoring his pissy email. That’s my shit and I own it, moving on. Keeping in mind here, there are no racial references for or against anywhere in any of my profile(s). This leap of logic on his part was unfounded and completely out of line.

*

So, to beat this horse properly we first need to identify several important but often lost distinctions. First, there is the very real existence of racism. Right behind that comes ignorance/indifference. And bringing up the rear (pun intended) is physical attraction (or not) to certain physical traits common to one race or another.

I am not so foolish to think racism is gone in America. Quite the contrary, some of the nasty fallout over our new president shows it is still very much alive. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Forgetting for a moment the races are blending more and more with every generation, dismissing a whole section of society based solely on their race is offensive and can be classified as racism.

In relation to the gay community, I don’t think it is out and out racism as much as ignorance. [2]I am not excusing it, just stating an observation. I can’t tell you how often I see profiles with “not into Blacks or Asians.” You may not intend to be offensive but that is exactly what you are doing by making such statements. Imagine how you’d feel reading a profile of someone you found attractive and they dismissed your entire existence based on your race. I particularly love how some guys try to apologize at the same time for saying such things. If you have to apologize perhaps you shouldn’t say it. How about you just leave it out. Nothing compels you to reply, meet, or hookup with anyone you don’t wish to. Why add such inflammatory language to your profile? [3]Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Of course, when it comes to sex you can’t force physical attraction or the lack thereof. Attraction, like our sexuality, is not always a quantifiable behavior. For the purpose of this rant, I am referring specifically to attraction and race. And herein lies the most important distinction I feel is often lost on so many. Not being attracted to a physical trait(s) common to one race or another is not racism. From my own observations, I think this is often the real root of the matter but given the ignorance mentioned above, the line quickly becomes blurred. Want a sure fire way to know? Its quite simple. If you really have no racial hang-ups, you will find that there are always exceptions to your attraction (or lack) to a particular race.

For myself, I rarely think in term of absolutes so saying I’m not into a whole race would be a lie. I have my range and it commonly crosses the races. I’ll also admit there are some physical traits common to some races I am not attracted to. And while this is a racial issue it is only in the sense of physical attraction. However, that is never an absolute either. I don’t give a rats ass what color your skin is, if I like what you have to offer and you flop it in front of me, I’m gonna taste it. Or, if I don’t, I won’t.

References

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↑1 I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.
↑2 I am not excusing it, just stating an observation.
↑3 Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Tragedy

In case you haven’t heard, 3 police officers were shot/killed today in Oakland.  One other officer is in very grave condition.  I can’t express the shame, sadness, and anger rolling through at the moment.  The suspect was also shot and killed. 

I need to stop now before I say things I will regret.