Category: dating

2014

I don’t have any big resolutions this year. As always, I strive to be better than I am, to learn and grow from my mistakes. I will continue that approach in 2014. But that is more of a philosophy than a resolution. Tied into that is to spend less time on social media and more time on the things that matter. And by less time, I don’t mean avoiding as much as using it as the tool it was meant to be.

Having The Pup in my life has given me a somewhat new outlook on things. My love for him continues to grow. We are still in the fresh-new love, as I call it, phase. The kind where you can’t wait to spend every moment together. Your whole day is just a distraction till you get home to him. That sort of love. hehehe I’m confident we’ll reach the long-abiding love phase but I am really enjoying the now. I hope to hold onto it even as our love matures. I continue to look forward to our future together.

There will be some changes in my life in the coming year. As I finish up the project at work in <strike> late March </strike> early May, I’ll be moving back to normal operations. I’ve decided to stay on a day-shift. I had to give up my full weekend slot though. Seniority on day-shift is still high and getting a weekend slot on what we refer to as ‘straight days’ is not an easy task. Even as I move into 13 years on the job, getting a premium day slot is difficult. I do have a partial weekend so it’s fine and I’m switching so I can spend more time with The Pup.

The finances will continue to be a big focus. I want to cut my debt load in half this year, at the very least. It may mean forgoing some frivilous fun stuff but hey, that’s life right? Seriously though, I hate forking over so much money for debt every month. I know I’ve said in the past I’d never go into debt again and this wasn’t really shopping or wasteful spending, but it is a total pain. I’ve canceled two of my three cards. [1]I say canceled, one was in default. lol I will not be applying for a new one. Frankly, I just don’t need that much credit. I try to live within my means and having too much credit discourages that. Thankfully, I had it when I needed it but I hope to never be in such a situation again.

Having a partner and a roomie who pay rent is certainly helping on the finance front. hehehe The roomie will be with us for most of this year. Things are a little comfy but overall still easy and no strain to manage. Even with overlapping schedules it has worked out pretty decent so far. Home life is calm and happy, just how I like it. Whether we are bouncing to the Eagle for beer-bust, lounging on the sofa, or just hanging at Starbucks, the comfort is addicting.

My goals for the coming year are to get back into a solid gym routine. Having a new partner certainly distracts one from such things. lol But it is time to get serious again and start pushing myself. I still have that 210 goal to reach. Beyond that, there isn’t much I can ask for. Life is treating me good and I hope it lasts. I’m not greedy and many of the things I’ve always want in life I now have. I am truly grateful for that.

Of course, I’ll keep blathering away here. I’m always tinkering with the code and blog.

References

References
↑1 I say canceled, one was in default. lol

2013

Well, 2013 turned out to be an amazing here for me. It was a time for personal reflection on past mistakes. It was a time of emotional and financial recovery. It was also a time of joy and happiness.

The year started rather ho-hum. Nothing bad or good, just rather uneventful. I switched shifts at work for a software project. This put me on day shift, which I lamented repeatedly. Ironically, the timing of my assignment was instrumental, even if I didn’t recognize it at the time.

As time went by the year just got better and better.

There is, of course, my beloved Cooper. He always brings me joy. His unconditional love is a constant light in my life. I will never understand how anyone could abandon such a wonderful animal. Being a special needs dog only makes me love him that much more.

Of course, unless you never read my madness, there was my meeting The Pup. Knowing each other online for years, this was our first year to meet in person. I believe that life brought him to me. The coincidences and alignment of occurrences were all too obvious to ignore. My time on the project gave me a lot of flexibility to visit back and forth while he was still living in Phoenix. I truly believe I was meant to be with him. He has taught me the meaning of true love and what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. I eagerly anticipate our future together. I simply cannot imagine my life without him.

My finances came together and are well under control again. I’m still carrying a debt load but knowing I’m on top it takes a huge stress off of me. It will take a couple years to get it down to what I want but getting a consolidation loan most definitely helped. The interest was slightly higher than what I wanted but I can apply for a refinance in a year so I’m pleased.

As always, I struggle to be better than I am. It is not a NY resolution as much as an approach to life in general. The struggle continues. This past year didn’t test me as much as reaffirm my growth in this area.

I won’t miss 2013 as much as look back on it fondly. I am excited to greet 2014.

Moved

In case you missed all my jubilations on Google and FB, The Pup is here! I couldn’t be happier. I have a permanent grin on my face and I ain’t even about to pretend otherwise. hehehe The support from our respective group of friends has been awesome as well.

The move itself went off w/very little complication. In fact, it was one of the easiest moves I’ve ever done. The Pup had most of the heavy work done before I arrived in Phoenix. The only thing left was to finish the packing, pick up the truck and drive away. And it flowed just like that. No issues, no drama, no unexpected problems. He is also very fortunate to have two very good friends who dropped everything to help him in every way possible. The debt of gratitude is immense. He is truly fortunate to have such good friends.

The drive was an arduous 13-hour ordeal. Beyond that unavoidable aspect, it went off without a hitch. We left late morning, drove straight thru with stops for food and gas, and arrived at 12:30am in SF. [1]That strip of I-5 to Hwy 152 is extremely dull and boring. It it easy to forget that outside most of the big cities California is mostly farm land. Driving from LA to SF will remind you of that very quickly!

Anyway, so many little but important things gave way to this happening. My gut tells me this was meant to be and I can’t find a good reason to doubt it. hehehe  Like our relationship, everything just sort of tumbled into place. My being on a work project gave me a lot of scheduling flexibility I would not have otherwise had. His job transfer came out of the blue at a time when we really didn’t expect to find it. The move going so incredibly smooth and uneventful was just a finishing touch.

This week he is adjusting to his life here and his new job. He got a transfer so is already working. Sadly, he isn’t overly impressed with his new location. On the flip side, he has wanted to move into other things so we only need to get him thru the holidays and he can start looking for other opportunities. Just having employment will take so much stress off of us both though. (No, he does not want to enter my field of work.)

I’m so excited about our future together I can barely contain myself. I find I am eagerly excited to get home every day now just to see him. I know, I’m being all mushy but whatevs. I luvs him and ain’t afraid to show it.

He has said several times, “It doesn’t feel real yet.” In some ways, it doesn’t feel real for me either. The idea of having pretty much everything I’ve ever asked for is quite new to me. It feels a little surreal. I think a few weeks of settling into a schedule and a nice rhythm together will help it sink in for both of us.

References

References
↑1 That strip of I-5 to Hwy 152 is extremely dull and boring.

Split

I’ve been intrigued by some of the fallout over gay divorces lately. I surmised as we reached for equality many would brush aside or not even realize what that equal footing really meant. Now we see the down side of it, in other words divorce.

Many rushed forward to say those wonderful two words w/o truly considering what it meant. Sadly, some are discovering the unpleasant down side now. Gone are the days of DPs that can be dissolved with a simple signature on the dotted line. Welcome to the bitter brawls over assets and custody of children and pets. You no longer have the luxury of just splitting up and going opposite directions anymore. And I won’t even comment on the indignant outrage many have expressed over it. Welcome to true equality. It’s called community property because that’s how the divorce court sees it. okuuur?

And don’t get me wrong, I support our right to get married 100%. That will never change. Being equal under the law is a fundamental right. The fact we are still fighting for it in many states is an embarrassment to humanity. But now that we are finally obtaining that goal, we must take stock in what that truly means. We cannot be special but equal, only equal.

I’ve always been a big believer in levels of commitment in the legal form. And I think this is true of straight couples as well. Start out with a DP which bestows next of kin rights to your partner w/o necessarily committing to communal assets/debt. This gives you both time to test the waters to see if this is for the long haul. Then when you really think it will survive, go for the full enchilada of Marriage. To me, that would make total sense but I am not sure that will happen.

I think what will happen is you will see many cities and states do away completely with DP registries. We, like straights, will have two options, single or married. California so far hasn’t done anything. Living in SF, I currently have three options. City DP, State DP, or Marriage. The city DP gives you insurance and next of kin rights but requires no communal property. The State DP gives you pretty much the rights of marriage including communal property. The State DP also gave you joint filing on your State income taxes. Now that Marriage is legal once again in Cali, there may be no real need for the State DP anymore. The only difference I could see is if you didn’t want federal recognition, then it would be of benefit.

There has been some talk at the City level of doing away with the local DP registry. It hasn’t come to fruition yet but it would not surprise me. I hope that they don’t though. I hope they keep them separate to continue to give people a choice. Like many things in life, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Regardless of whatever your options are in your city, town, or state, take the time to really think things thru. Do a little googling and educate yourself. Gay or straight, asking for a pre-nup doesn’t mean your love or commitment is any less real. It does mean that you are taking a precaution in case things don’t end with a happy ever after. Fairy tales were meant to inspire not to delude. Being in love is a wonderful feeling [1]don’t I know it!, but don’t let it overwhelm your decision making skills. And for the record, you can dissolve a pre-nup at anytime you wish. You can even build a time-limit clause into it.

And to answer your burning question, no the Pup and I are not at that stage yet. I certainly hope the day will come but we aren’t there yet. He pretty much owns me anyway but that’s a whole other type of contract. hehehe

References

References
↑1 don’t I know it!

In

You knew it was coming…another post about the Pup! lol  Yeah, I’m gonna gush a little again.

Lately, more than a couple friends have referred to me as being “all-in” with the new Pup. They’ve commented on how happy I seem, how very eager I am, and also how much more open I am in public/social forums about my feelings. And they are right, I have been. I’ve been very expressive on and offline about how I feel. On the flip side, I have personally been a little worried of overwhelming him with all my expression. [1]Yes darlings, I can be overbearing and/or intense at times. I know, color you surprised!

I have been asking myself why exactly that is. Part of me is just very expressive and it is natural for me to show it. On top of that, blogging has taught me to be introspective and has sharpened my ability to articulate my feelings and emotions more eloquently. Then you mix in something so fundamentally new to me and you’re bound to see me express it. But is that all? Is that the only reasons? I’m not so sure.

In less than two shorts weeks, my beloved Pup will be here with me full time. Yeah, you read it hoes, full time! lolol He’s making the move to SF and I couldn’t be happier. So yeah, I express it a lot, to him and the world. In 7 short months, he has shown me what being in love with the right man for the right reasons can feel like. Some could consider that kind of fast and maybe it is. But having such a deep yet oddly simple connection, I don’t feel a need to be overly cautious. It feels more right than any LTR I’ve ever been in.

Having learned my lessons from previous LTRs, I think I might be overly sensitive about him moving here. I’ve gone out of my way to make sure he has a safety net. God forbid, if something were to happen he has his home in Phoenix to go back to. He originally wanted to sell it and I was very against that. I also insisted he have a transfer or job in place before he moved. Having been thru it before, I can tell you the financial stress can be disastrous for a budding LTR. A move is stressful enough w/o adding a job search into the mix. And don’t get me wrong, these weren’t all my ideas. We discussed and agreed to them together. The point is having learned from past mistakes and loving him so much, I’d never want him to fell trapped, stuck, or resentful.

On top of that, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m in love with the right man at the right time for the right reasons. I have zero doubt. Zero. I have yet to ignore or push away a reg flag. That is certainly something I’ve never really been able to say to myself before.  We exist as our imperfect selves and we both seem to just resonate with the other. We are not perfect but I like to think we are perfect for each other. And this is not to turn it into something mythical or put it on a pedestal. I fully admit I am not perfect. I make mistakes and I’m sure he and I will have strife at some point. I am only describing the differences between previous relationships and this one.

And while I do not fear for our relationship, if for some unknown reason it didn’t work out, I would not have a single regret. I’m not settling. I’m not accepting behaviors thinking I can ‘handle them’ because I understand the motivations behind it. I am not pushing for the LTR out of loneliness. I am, for lack of a better description, wholly in love with a man whom loves me back just the same. I am truly grateful that for whatever reason he saw in me what he needed and wanted and went for it, even when I was on the brink of ending it all. [2]A story for another day but would have been the biggest mistake of my life. There is no way I could regret what I have with him, ever.

And even as I gush away here on my blog, I know that he is ok with it. He often tells me he doesn’t feel as expressive as I am. (Which makes him normal! lol) But when he does express himself, it is perfect (for me). He manages to convey so much in much fewer words than I. Maybe I should take a que from him? …Shut it! :p lol Ok seriously, he has assured me I have yet to make him feel overwhelmed, pressured, rushed, or even daunted.

So yeah, I’m all in on this one. I”m not holding anything back. No doubt, no regrets, no compromises on what I need or want. Does that make the potential for hurt that much greater? Sure it does. But the reward is so much more and absolutely worth it IMHO. And I’d be an idiot to let fear ruin the most wonderful thing in my life.

References

References
↑1 Yes darlings, I can be overbearing and/or intense at times. I know, color you surprised!
↑2 A story for another day but would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

Fear

As far as I’ve come, I still battle with insecurities from time to time. Such is life as we all struggle with our demons. Ironically, it is something I’ve never really felt before.

Having struggled practically since birth, I unfortunately get a little suspicious when things seem to really be going my way. lol Yeah, that sounds a little jaded but I never said I wasn’t. Anyway, I keep worrying that something will happen with The Pup and it will all abruptly end. *sigh* I know it’s stupid but there it is. That’s why I said it was irrational. lol  Yes, it could be conditioning from previous trauma. Yes, it could just be my own insecurities. I get all that. But knowing it doesn’t just make it go away. But fear not dear reader. [1]See what I did there? LOL  I have found something that does in fact make it “go away.”

As previously mentioned, to know beyond a doubt that he feels like I do is an incredibly powerful feeling. I won’t lie it overwhelms me at times. [2]I’m a big ole softy inside and my emotions do get the better of me at times. It gives me a sense of comfort and contentment I’ve never felt. I’m also finding it gives me an added sense of confidence. Having never had that feeling, I think it is natural to become possessive and protective of said feeling. lol I never want it to end. I want it to last for the rest of my life. Again, this is an avenue where fear sneaks in; fear of losing that feeling.

I dare say I deserve to be happy. I’ve paid my dues and then some in life. I must have been awful in one of my previous lives because the payback in this one has been major!  But life isn’t about fair and even. While I like to think the universe is about balance, an every day life doesn’t always balance out. I need to remember that just because I had an awful start doesn’t guarantee a happy ending. I wish it weren’t true but it is. And so here again a fear can sneak in.

I refuse to let all these little fears rule me. They might have in the past but not anymore. I can be prey to them but not a victim. Life isn’t about fair, it is about living to the fullest and having enough wisdom to take advantage of any opportunities that come along. That’s how I see my new relationship with The Pup. It is an opportunity for me to make myself (and hopefully him) happy. I plan to pursue that opportunity as long as it exists. If that means the rest of my life, I’m ready. Game, set, MATCH!

I love you Pup. And given the opportunity, I’ll spend the rest of my life with you.

References

References
↑1 See what I did there? LOL
↑2 I’m a big ole softy inside and my emotions do get the better of me at times.

One

Well, I guess it was inevitable. I’ve gotten several questions on whether The Pup and I were planning to be in a monogamous LTR. I’m not sure why exactly it was a reoccurring question but whatevs. lol  One person’s implication was that if I really wanted it to work then I should be willing to give up being open. I guess all my gushing here and elsewhere has led some to think I’ve abandoned my previous rants in favor of this new relationship. If you read with any regularity you should know the answer to that question is no. If anything, my breaking my own rules has been the bane of my previous LTRs. lol  A huge part of why The Pup and I are getting along so well is because I haven’t abandoned what I want. To be perfectly frank, this was just as easy for us to assimilate as everything else has been between us. [1]ok, I’m bragging a little here. I just can’t get over how much he and I seem to agree on things so easily.

I support anyone’s right to be in a MLTR (Monogamous LTR)) but it is not for me and it is not something I want. I’d rather stay single than lock myself into something I don’t want. Yes, it is flexible and not an all or nothing agreement. Yes, it is important enough to me that I wouldn’t enter into an LTR with a restriction I didn’t want. If we weren’t on the same page then we wouldn’t be truly compatible.

Lawd knows, I’ve ranted here a plethora of times regarding my thoughts on the issue. We as gay men and women have the unique opportunity to set our own rules and standards. We are not bound by institutionalized traditions based on gender-discordant [2]my new term for straight couples relationships. While we can follow in their footsteps, we aren’t bound to. A subtle but important distinction. And the point of my rant today is The Pup and I are of one mind on the subject. It works for us. But because it works for us doesn’t mean that I insist that it works for everyone.That would be as equally foolish as those who insist monogamy is for everyone.

Many seem to think I’m against monogamy when I’m not. Just don’t expect me not to point out flaws in the rather common yet failed logic often used to justify the monogamous-only approach. I support it when it is based on a fundamental desire vs insecurities and a form of control.

Hopefully that should clear up any confusion on the subject. Smile

References

References
↑1 ok, I’m bragging a little here. I just can’t get over how much he and I seem to agree on things so easily.
↑2 my new term for straight couples

Werd

Everyone has been chomping at the bit for some updates on The Pup and I. Things are going exceedingly well. Actually, they are going better than I ever could have expected! In fact, we’ve even shared the L-word. hehehe

Truthfully, I couldn’t be more in love if I tried. It’s been just over 5 months now and if you’d told me I would feel this way back then I would have shrugged it off. We both started out ‘knowing‘ it wasn’t going anywhere at the time because we lived apart. My roomie teases me a bit about it because I was emphatic that it ‘wasn’t going anywhere.‘  Well, I guess I was wrong, to my delight. (You should log in btw)

I can’t even begin to explain how our connection feels to me. And while I said previously I wasn’t gonna spit out a bunch of platitudes this time around, I can say there have been many firsts in our growing relationship. At 42 years old one might say I’m a little jaded and I’ve definitely been around the block, so to be able to say their have been ‘firsts’ should tell you what a big deal it is for me.

As eluded to previously, we just fit together so incredibly well. We mesh so easily and w/o any effort. Never in my life have I had that with anyone. Of course, I’ve had compatibilities before but this goes deeper than I’ve ever experienced. It just flows between us. I’m not doing it justice in words. It feels so different that it feels like my first time in many ways. I know that probably sounds a bit cheesy but it does. I feel like a kid discovering a love connection for the first time.

The biggest and most compelling thing for me is when I look into his eyes. In his eyes I see the love that I feel shining back out at me. Yes, I said shining because that’s how it feels. I’ve had partners that I believed loved me but deep in my soul I never felt they were truly IN love with me. Big difference. And to be fair, maybe they were and it was my own doubts that kept me from knowing/seeing it. I fully admit it could have been just as much my hangups. Anyway, even when The Pup and I are apart now, I feel it. I feel that he loves me as much as I love him and it is an incredible feeling. To see what I feel reflected back at me is such an incredible thing. Sometimes it is overwhelming and I get all emotional. I know surprise right? I’m not gonna say ‘he’s the one‘ because I’ve said that before. Honestly, having said it before I feel like it would diminish how I really feel. But this one is different. That’s all I can say.

He describes it to me as being best friends as well as partners. Ironically, I’ve never really felt like any of my previous exes were my best friend. lol Of course, I’ve been friends with my exes while we were together yet, I never felt like any of them were my best friends. Actually, I tend to be closer to several of them now that we apart. TFA and I are very close now, closer than we ever were when we were together. [1]Speaking of, you better call me Mr! :p   Apple guy and I are also closer in many ways now. I still care for him and want him happy. I am often his sounding board. Primarily I think because he knows I’m under no obligation to tell him what he wants to hear vs what I think the truth really is. But I digress, I tend to agree with The Pup in that we are besties as well as partners.

So, I’m totally 100% unequivocally in love. After Apple guy I’d kind of given up on the idea honestly. I enjoy being single so it wasn’t a bad thing. But, to have this thing with The Pup sneak in on me in the most unobtrusive way and be so incredibly new and different from anything before has been amazeballs! And yes, to answer the question on many lips, he is moving here. He was already leaning this way before we met but now it’s for sure. [2]I always seem to import my boyfriends. I think that might be a post for another day.

The funnies part of this is we’ve known each other online for years. I think we originally discovered each other Twitter. Anyway, we interacted a bit but it was never anything really persistent. He totally shot me down on more than one occasion when I tried to flirt with him too! *sounds of plane diving and crashing* Ok, to be fair, we did discuss it and from his perspective, we lived apart and had zero chance of doing anything so why bother. But yeah, he totally just scraped me off a few times.

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 Speaking of, you better call me Mr! :p
↑2 I always seem to import my boyfriends. I think that might be a post for another day.

Best

Well it looks like another GHHD #2 [1]Gay High Holy Day has come and gone. I can honestly say it was one of the best weekends of my life. And the fact it was Up Your Alley (Dore) fair had absolutely zero to do with it.

The Pup was in town to visit me and needless to say we had an unbelievably awesome weekend together. If you follow me on any of the social networking sites you know I’ve been gushing a bit about my handsome man. Well get ready because I’m about to gush some more.

Things between us are working out in ways I could never have imagined. This weekend, it seems, any doubts for both of us have been removed. I am not sure I can properly put into words how I felt and the bonding we experienced. The exceptional part is none of it is based on me trying to fit him into any predefined ideas of what he should be. I let him just be himself and he does the same for me. We seem to just exist together and mesh in ways I never thought possible. I don’t have a better way to explain it beyond it just feels different. The ease and depth of our connection seems to only feed on itself every time we are together.

I’m trying to capture the best way to explain why I see things as being different with The Pup. The biggest difference is I don’t feel like I’m compromising to make things work. Every time I meet someone new I always seem to make allowances for behaviors or attitudes that don’t necessarily align with mine. After all compromising is a big part of a successful relationship. Unfortunately, I seem to get my compromises mixed up at times and compromise in ways that puts me at a disadvantage. I often will recognize where a behavior stems from and while I don’t accept the behavior, I accept the act because of it’s trigger. This creates a situation where I enable said behavior by not putting my foot down. And this has led to more than one failed LTR for me. It has always been one of my big mistakes in relationships.

This time around I haven’t done that once. Not even a little. The meshing as I describe it happens on a very fundamental level and is bizarrely addictive. The more I get of it, the more I want. lol I digress though.  I’ve always considered myself an odd bird because I’m wired a bit differently from other people. I view things in ways that most seem to miss. So to find someone who sees many things the way I do is extremely endearing and very much a surprise. It creates a comfort zone that I don’t think I’ve ever actually felt with anyone before.

And the fact that I referenced Apple guy as ‘the one’ in a previous post is not lost on me. I actually went back and read many of the posts I wrote about him. And at the time they were true. But this thing with The Pup has blown that out of the water. And while not to trivialize what I had felt for Apple guy, my connection to The Pup is different on a level so basic I can’t seem to put into words. Anyway, I’m not singing platitudes this time around. I’m gonna keep letting it grow and evolve and see where it goes.

I won’t be going into the gory details of the weekend. That is for he and I to share together. I will tell you we had an unbelievably awesome time and I couldn’t be happier right now. And if the now permanent grin on my face is any indication things are looking very good!

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day

Inquire

I got a lot of inquires after my smitten post. I’m glad so many of you are eager to see my love life improve. hehehe It is still very new and I’m not a lesbian so don’t expect wedding bells anytime soon. But we are enjoying where things are headed.

Some of the guesses were cray-cray. Everything from Apple guy to my roomie got thrown in a as guess. lol Someone even asked if I was reuniting with my old roomie that moved to NY. The latter packs a huge amount of irony. I’m sure we’ll come clean soon. We aren’t hiding it as much as just being cautious. It seems we are almost to a point of throwing caution to the wind and just seeing how things. go. Anyway, if you follow me on Facebook, you’ve already seen who it is as he recently updated our status.

On a somewhat related tangent, I had a regular “buddy” get very upset with me over the revelation. Apparently, he had designs on me and was more than a little miffed. I could only explain I didn’t feel that way about him but it didn’t really seem to help. He hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m sure he’ll come around but honestly, not my issue. I’ve always been honest/upfront with him about things.

The connection that the pup (my nickname for him) and I have is interesting. He seems to ‘get’ me in ways I’m not really accustomed to. Without explaining to him, he just seems to understand and even appreciate my view on many things. It is quite refreshing.

On the flip side, I think I’m the first guy he’s ever been connected to who hasn’t put a bunch of restrictions or controls on him. I have no desire to mold him in an image I want, nor am I trying to limit him out of fear. He is his own man and I respect and accept that. If things are to ever get serious between us it would have to be because it was right and it worked, not because he conformed to my way of things or I his. I don’t want a clone or a servant, I want an equal with his own mind. Now his being slightly more submissive in certain ways certainly turns my crank but that is a story for another day!

I told myself after Apple guy no more LTR’s unless I’m 100% sure it is for life. Granted no one could ever be really sure of such a thing, but I’ll be damned if I put myself thru another LTR that ends within 5 years. Nor am I sticking with it out some left over childish need to validate previously conquered inner-demons. Of course, if I had stuck to my own axioms regarding LTRs, the last one would have never happened. So in some ways, I have only myself to blame for it’s colossal failure.

I can’t say for sure where this is headed. Even if it turns out to be dud on the LTR front, I hope to continue being his friend. We’ve both promised each other that we will both work to maintain a friendship if we decide an LTR is not to our mutual benefit. Regardless of our status, he is special to me and I’d like to keep that.

Hope springs eternal…