Oy, I’m a bit tired today. Last night was the first final for the BCC. They had 11 contestants! OMG! it was fun but waaaaaay long! I didn’t get home till just before 2:00am. At least it’s friday.
I’ve been neglecting the blog as of late. Not out of some profound life enjoyment, mainly just busy w/work. I’ve also been neglecting my gym time and starting Monday on a brand new routine. (where have I heard that before?)
Looks to be a busy weekend….details later.
How is that for a play on words? *g*
The ex and I got together to swap out some furniture early Sunday. (ok, early for me which is noonish) It was pretty uneventful up until we discovered my bed frame isn’t a full/queen hybrid as I’d thought. So the mattress provided by the ex didn’t fit. For the moment, I’m reduced to having a boxspring/mattress on the floor until we can get together again to swap out the rest of his stuff w/another frame for me. He was very kind enough to donate a frame. I am grateful.
Sunday seems to be turning into a regular blogging session for a small gang of buddies. This past Sunday was no exception. Later in the day, I found myself in the Castro at Le Bon Gateau hanging out w/Mostovic, Norm, Tim, and Bobby. The latter two of the group don’t blog. I think we did more talking than blogging this time. That said, a fun time was had by all. I forgot to take pics. On a side rant, Tim has decided he wants me to create a new sub-blog just for him so he could blog about my blog. I’m still confused over that one but I thought I’d share it. *note – his prozaic prescription is low – could be the reason*
Afterwards, Mostovic and I went off by ourselves and had great discussion about God. It was great having an adult conversation about faith w/o someone ending up angry. So few folks can discuss religion w/o getting pissy. I think most folks are used to just following what they’ve always been told vs actually having any sort of in-depth knowledge of their faith. So anytime, that is questioned, they feel theatened and lash out. But I digress. Our conversation was about the core difference between our beliefs – the purpose behind the creation of humanity, the duality of the flesh/spirit, etc. I won’t bore you w/the details as that is a post unto itself. My only failing is I wasn’t able to articulate my thoughts into speech as easily as I understood them. Probably because I don’t read up on religion much anymore and am a bit rusty in the terminology. (who da thunk it, me speechless?) However, Mostovic seemed to be in the same boat, albeit not as bad as me. We spent about 3 hours just talking and listening to each other. It was the most enjoyable theological conversation I’ve ever had in my entire life.
Before we knew it, closing time was upon us and we had to bail! We ran into T from the BCC and had a late night meal together. Afterwards, I went home to watch my tivo shows! Not a bad way to spend the weekend.
Real quick as I’m at work. The weekend was uneventful but fun. I was originally scheduled to go to a play on Sat. night but due to scheduling problems w/Mostovic and I, it wasn’t in the cards. So instead, we had a nice dinner at a new Thai place on Polk St. Afterwards, we hung out at my place and watched Godzilla (The new version w/Matthew Broderick). Go ahead and laugh but I am a huge Godzilla fan. Mostovic said he wanted to see it so, of course, I had to accommodate his wishes.
Sunday was a whole new ball of wax, jwill write more later.
I hate Monday’s. Especially after having such a great weekend. However, Monday has arrived and with it comes responsibility. blech!
I did manage to drag my lazy carcass into the gym only to remember halfway thru it I had a Union meeting today and was late. So mid work out (triceps) I had to break and head to work. The meeting went well w/the exception of one Supervisor who only focuses on his needs. Naturally, he is applying to fill the empty managers position. *but I’m not bitter*
Work was uneventful today. Boring if such a thing were possible.
The feeling of enjoyment from the weekend is still w/me. Which is odd as work usually zaps it right out of me. I just had such a relaxing weekend goofing and blogging w/mostovic that I’m in glow mode. *giggle* Norm snapped this shot of us blogging together in the Castro.
Great Pic, thanks N!
SCANDAL!
I just met the ex’s new beau for the first time! I’m tempted to insert something caddy here but what would be the point. I’m loathe to admit it but he seemed like a nice guy. Personable and friendly. I could tell they were a bit nervous but I guess that was expected under the circumstances. That said, I find I harbor no resentments toward him. He had nothing to do w/the breakup so no sense projecting my issues onto him. (Well, none that I am aware of anyway) The ex seems to be happy w/him so no need for me to pass judgement. If it works, good for him. If not….well, I’ve been true to my own principles thru the whole ordeal so my conscience clear.
I was a bit surprised at myself. I thought I might be upset or annoyed at meeting him. Neither of which happened. I’ll admit, I had a quick pang of jealousy but then I remembered everything that happened thru the break up and since and that disappeared in a flash. The truth is, as painful as the breakup was for me, I think it was for the best. Knowing all the things I know now I guess I have a better perspective of it. As for the ex and his new beau, I wish them all the best.
karma-1 / bitch-0
*forest gump voice* “…and dats all I have to say about dat”
I couldn’t help myself. I was blogrolling and discovered are you effin’ kidding me who had a link to the create your own SouthPark character website.
Ladies and Gentleman, hobo’s and tramps, crossed-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants. I present to you the newest South Park character:
Wilton Mobius Nelson III (meaning I made three attempts before I got one I liked)
aka Mober
His purpose: Protect Kenny
His superpower: Can blow the balls off any mofo who gets in his way
His anathema: Ignunce
I took this personality test from Republic of T’s blog. I’m completely the opposite of him it seems.
My results.
| ENFJ- The Teacher Your Type is 100% Extroverted, 12% Observant, 6% Logical and 50% Structured |
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Your type is known as the teacher, or the educating mentor. You also belong to the larger group, called idealists. You tend to bring out the best in other people. You lead without seeming to do so. People are naturally drawn to you. You expect the very best from people which takes the form of enthusiastic encouragement which is so charming that people try their best not to disappoint you. You share your personality type with 3% of the population. You need to feel a deep and meaningful connection to your romantic partners, and go to great lengths to understand and please your mate. Harmony is vitally important to you, and you often put others’ needs before your own. You have a pretty thin skin and are easily hurt. Although you strive for harmony, when your values or ethics are violated, you can be very emotional, confrontational, and even punishing. However, you are very insightful about the underlying cause of conflicts, and an excellent communicator, so you have the tools to bring about a quick and peaceful resolution as long as you can keep control of your facilities. You want to be appreciated for your thoughtfulness and compassion. You need your partner to make a real effort to get to know you. Above all, you need to be able to express your feelings and have them taken seriously. Your group summary: idealists (NF) Your type summary: ENFJ |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Quick and Dirty Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid |
Check out his blog to see how he did. How did you score?
I somehow managed to misplace my scooter over the weekend. Don’t ask me why but for some odd reason I left it at work and didn’t remember it.
I’m headed downstairs to hop on it and I discover it is not there. I originally thought I might have left in the Castro. TH called right when I was scrambling to find it. He happened to be in the Castro and did a quick scan to see if I had left it here. Nope. So, I called work thinking it might have been towed. Nope. Now, I’m starting to think it was stolen.
Who would want to steal this?
Thinking I met have left it AT work I walked over and sure enough there it was. I’m insured so I wasn’t overly worried. TH and I got a tickle out of maybe my scooter was w/his lost camera and they’d turn up together.
Yesterdays rant was a bit draining on me but I’m glad I posted it. It was the last tragedy of my childhood and it gives you a great insight into why I am the way I am now.
I enjoyed this past weekend! I spent a huge chunk of it doing the thing I love most…relaxing and hanging out w/friends. TH and I spent the day Saturday over at San Benita’s Light House on the mainland. The day was sunny and windy and as it turns out the wind got to high and we couldn’t actually cross the small bridge over to the lighthouse. However, we did take some good pics and enjoyed the scenic views. We spent the later part of the afternoon down on black sands beach having a light lunch and good conversation. I so wish we hadn’t lost the great pics we’d taken. Oh well, we’ll just have to get together again and take more.
TH and I had a talk about our budding relationship and where we both stood. Not surprisingly, we were both in agreement that we liked spending time w/each other but, anything serious wouldn’t be wise at this point. It only served to make the day better. Spending time w/TH has made me feel things I wasn’t sure I could feel again. For that I am sincerely grateful to him.
The bad news is we were so wrapped up in good conversation, we somehow managed to lose TH’s new camera. I had forgotten to bring mine as usual. So all the good pics we took were lost along w/his very nice camera. I felt horrible about that and proceeded to do my very best to keep him “preoccupied”. I think I did a pretty good job. *g*
Skipping around a bit, I ran into Tim this past Friday on the subway. He is always whining that I don’t pay him enough attention here so I snapped off a shot of him for all of you. Here he is in all his glory fresh off the subway.
Tim is from big ole Kentucky and we met “per chance” at the gym when I was still at Gold’s. Being from the South, he is a total character just like me. He is currently going to school to be an attorney. (I know, but we won’t hold that against him)
Sunday, I spent most of the day lounging about. (Thats code for being lazy) Sunday, evening I had dinner w/a couple of guys from work. Rich & Dave. Both are cops and have been together for I believe 12 years now.
They make for really good friends and I am lucky to have them in my life. They got to meet TH and thought very highly of him. I haven’t seen them as of late w/my schedule being so wack. It was good to catch up.
All in all, it was a good weekend. The weather was nice up until last night and the company was even better. Now, if I can just survive another week at work.
This is a heavy rant today in that I’m digging into painful memories that have been buried for some time. It is a bit long and if you are hoping for something funny, you might skip me today.
The blogosphere is just abuzz w/the news over the death of Pope John Paul (whatever # he is). For clarity, I am NOT a practicing “christian”. I’m sure that wasn’t hard to figure out if you are regular reader. Because of so many extreme radicals under the umbrella that is christianity, I’ve come to detest the very term itself. From my perspective, its become a term of oppression and hate used to control the masses using ignorance and fear.
I had an interesting conversation w/TH as he is bit more religious than I. And when I use the term religious I mean he seems to be educated about religion and follows the tenets of the faith vs a fundamental approach. He has my utmost respect for being able to see past the nonsense. Anyway, we had a conversation about the death of the pope. He made a compelling case for the pope however, I still think he was an evil man. Out of fairness, I never once heard the pope condone violence against anyone. However, being as educated about religion as he claims to have been, he had to know a lot of the so called ‘faith’ he taught was based on fallacy and misinterpretation. This is why I think he is was evil. Again for perspective, I see evil not as demonic but as doing great harm.
If someone as lowly and simple as myself can discover fundamental differences in interpretation due to translation errors (whether by purpose or simple mistake), someone as educated as the pope must know that large parts of his ‘teachings’ are false. As hard as I try, I can’t shake that belief.
This brings up memories of my past. I believe I’ve touched god twice in my life. I say god because it was the most powerful feeling I ever felt and the joy I got from that moment is still w/me even today. I’m getting ahead of myself though. Lets back up a bit.
I spent a good chunk of my adolescent life trying to discover god. I went to every church around in an attempt to find god. I ran the gambit from the very charismatic to the mundane and ritualized. I never once found god in any church. I did find a lot of hypocrisy and procrastination. I did eventually find what I believe to be god but it was never in a church or prayer. I found god in my darkest hour on this Earth.
Even to this day the power of it still brings me to tears. To understand the pain I was in you should probably read the history one and two if you haven’t so far. (links are in the old blog as it didn’t transfer over so well when I switched to WordPress)
*I copied this from an old written journal and edited it for brevity. The original post was 9 pages long.*
A few weeks before my high school graduation at 9:30pm central time, M and I were riding home from the store and we were hit head on by a drunk driver. The car (a T-bird trans-am) went off the road and rolled I don’t know how many times down a hill. M was thrown from the car and it rolled over him. I, on the otherhand, was wearing my seat belt and it was probably the only thing that saved my life. The bad side was the car landed upside down and I was trapped. The heat from the exhaust started a grass fire which quickly spread all the way around the car. In hindsight, the fire probably saved my life as it was a back road, dark, and the driver of the other didn’t stop. The fire began to spread around the car and soon it was apparent I was going to die if something didn’t happen. As fate would have it, someone did see the fire and came to investigate. Two burly truckers helped to pull me from the car and to safety. It was at this point I remembered M had been thrown and began to search for him. He was lying not 50 feet from me. I am not ashamed to admit I crawled every inch of the way on my hands and knees to get to him. The truckers barely took notice as they had no idea anyone else was involved and were completely distracted trying to put out the fire. M was barely alive as the car had crushed most of his internal organs. I managed to pull him into my arms and the last thing he said to me was “I love you”. He died after that.
Most would assume that this would be heartbreaking but I felt nothing but love at the time. After being abandoned by everyone who ever should have loved me, here was one soul who used his last breath to tell me he loved me. How could I not feel unconditional unceremonious love? That moment is burned into my mind as if it were a brand. To this day, I can still smell the fire and smoke thinking about it.
It wasn’t until later that the pain hit. Physically, I came thru the ordeal w/just minor scratches and bruises. Having nowhere to send me, the hospital kept me overnight. I had to be sedated due to waking up in uncontrollable screams from nightmares. I kept reliving the moment over and over in my dreams. That sedation turned into a 6 month ordeal. I lost my will to live and refused to eat, speak, or even get out of bed.
*skipping a huge chunk here*
After another 6 months of learning how to speak and walk again, a friend offered me a place to live in a seaport town away from home and all the painful memories. I jumped at the chance. I showed up on the beach at 3:30am almost a year to the date that M died. I was so overcome w/grief I didn’t know what to do. I contemplated suicide at that moment. I walked out onto the beach and began to wonder what would happen if I just kept walking? Who would miss me? Would anyone even care? The water so blue and warm looked so inviting. As if it could wrap me in it’s warm embrace and slowly take away all my pain. By this point, I was crying so uncontrollably I couldn’t even stand up. I fell back on the beach just bawling w/such raw uncensored emotion. Pain, anguish, fear, worthlessness all washed over me in waves so hard I began to vomit. Finally, at one point I just lay back exhausted. It was at this dark moment I found god. Not by looking above or reaching out for him but by looking into myself. There it was all this time just waiting for me to reach for it. A part of my soul I didn’t consciously know even existed. Words cannot even come close to explaining the moment. It was as if someone had taken the very fount of Joy itself and ripped it open in my heart. That is the only way I can describe it and make sense. Once again I found my body gripped in the vice of powerful emotion. But this time instead of being pain it was pure joy. I found myself looking up into the sky w/the coming of morning laughing uncontrollably. I’m sure if anyone had been watching they would have though I was a person possessed. I don’t know how long I lay there just basking in the glow that suffused (spelling?) me. But I did finally get up! I got up and I moved on w/my life. All this while, that joy stayed w/me and is still w/me today. Sometimes not so obvious but when I need it most, I find it again.
That my friends is my god.
