Apparent

Apparently, I’m the only one that decided to be available to work on our project today. But, since I don’t have the authority to assign myself new tasks I was left tweaking several already completed tasks. On the way out yesterday, one of the project leads asked me if I could this, this, and this. She was clearly asking me to do it so she didn’t have to. Do they think me stupid? I can tell when I’m being given a shit assignment. lol I totally didn’t mind though. It took minutes to complete each one.

Apparently, I’m also the only one that kept notes about the day to day usage vs who was whining about what. So now everyone wants MY notes to brush up on. lol And to be clear here, I’m not bitching, I’m just being a dork. I like this sort of stuff so I’m content.

Apparently, I can keep a lot in my head off of one or two line item notes. Each line turned into 2 & 3 paragraphs of text when I started cleaning up my notes and condensing them into cohesive thoughts. What started as maybe 20 lines of notes ended up spread out over 24 paragraphs of documentation. Everyone keeps saying, ‘oh my god, how did you keep up with all that while it was going on?‘  Uh, um…well I listened for one. Two, since I already know the code, tech, and the purpose as a user I can pretty much tell you everything that needs to be accomplished and how to do it. Me thinks maybe I should be the project manager…

Apparently, the powers that be above me decided it was too much to ask us to clone and edit command codes from the old system to the new one. This was one of the parts I was eagerly looking forward to. I’m bummed they actually convinced the developer to do it for free.

Apparently, it’s Friday and I’m ready to get the hell out of here!

Have a good weekend all.

Survived v2.0

Ugh. So I have almost survived week two of my new day shift. I am seriously beginning to wonder if I’ll ever adapt. It’s been two weeks and my natural rhythm still hasn’t caught up. My sleep pattern has settled a bit so at least I’m getting to bed and asleep on time. I still seem to be almost exhausted by the time I get home at night. Wednesday this week I didn’t have an overly busy day at work but I was simply tired all day. I managed to get a good workout in but by the time I got home I could barely lift my eyes to eat and get Cooper settled. I finally let myself go to sleep around 10:30 and I passed out! Me, asleep at 10:30 pm!

The project has gotten off to a very slow start. It seems the project managers weren’t really prepared, had no idea what to expect, and are still catching up. It is incredibly frustrating to sit in a room with developers, IT employees from 3 depts, 2 project managers, and 2 other operations personal besides myself and feel like I’m the only one really getting it. And having to go over the same stuff several times because key personnel don’t always attend, certainly hasn’t helped keeps things moving along. Naturally, there are some politics involved, which I have absolutely no patience for.

Today was the first day we actually got down to doing some of the nuts & bolts stuff. Much of the work has to be done in certain orders as one system depends on another and you have to build the systems w/no dependencies first, blah blah blah…  We’ve already covered several key issues that would have affected the users adversely. I’m still excited about the project, just grumpy over the delays. Tomorrow is probably gonna be a wash as well but I have several things to review.

I’m hoping I don’t blow half the upcoming weekend recovering like I did last weekend. I blew the whole day last Saturday just trying to chill and recharge.

Survived

I survived my first week on the new schedule. Well, sort of. I’m completely run down today. I’d planned to schedule a bunch of stuff to do but I just don’t have it in me right now. So today is gonna be a lot of down time and sitting in front of the tv watching movies and catching up on tivo.

The biggest struggle has just been my schedule. I fought all week long to get up in a timely fashion and be on time. This week was super important as the developer/training team from the company was there teaching us how to change, set, and read system metrics for the software. The next few weeks are just the local team doing work and review. And to give you an idea of the scope, this effects not only the dispatchers but all of the police, fire, and parking/traffic employees who use the system. That is thousands of people and thousands of vehicles and equipment. Anyway, I’m getting off topic, I’m hoping next week I’ll be a little better with the schedule. I’m hopeful as today, the one day I wanted and could sleep in, I promptly woke up at a little after 8am and couldn’t go back to sleep. There is hope I guess that I am and will adjust.

Some things have had to give to make it possible though. I’ve barely even touched Facebook, twitter, or google this week. lol To be honest, I don’t even miss it. I popped in a couple times in moments of down time but otherwise, the interwebs have had to go on w/o me this past week. Even emails and text messages suffered. I get up, go to work, come home an spend quality time with Cooper, gym, a little down time, bed, and repeat.

I can say I made it to the gym every day I was supposed to this week! Granted my intensity suffered a bit but I went and worked out. And it could be a part of why I’m so drained today but I need to keep on a schedule otherwise I’ll end up blowing it off too often. And we can’t have that now can we!? And having not blown off the week schedule, I can move today’s normal workout to tomorrow w/o skipping anything.

As to the project itself, now that I have an idea of the project workload I can tell ya I have my work cut out for me. There is a lot of data entry that will need to happen on top of all the system changes that have to be uncovered, vetted, and possibly enacted into policy for our dept(s). Beforehand, I was thinking there was no way this would take 5 months. Now I’m not sure if that is a long enough. lol Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited and enjoy the work. This will effect us for at least a decade an having a chance to mold our software in advance to fit our needs is awesome. On top of that, I just like having my fingers in the pie, so to speak. And of course, my inner geek is thrilled to learn about the inner workings of not only the software but all the pieces of hardware and other systems that integrate and/or connect to our system. I find it completely fascinating. So far, no complaints on the project itself.

Anyway, don’t be sad/mad if my blog posts become sparse for awhile. Lord knows I always have something to rant about. But until I adapt better to the schedule, I have to prioritize real life over cyber life.

Wish me luck.

Glute

I managed to strain my left glute muscle at the gym the other day. In case you missed it, that would be my left buttock. lol

How the hell does one strain such a thing? I was doing lunges on the smith machine, which is one of my favorite routines. Sadly my glutes weren’t having it. On set 2 when I got a sharp spasm in my left glute. I stopped immediately. And I’m sure I looked like man possessed limping around the gym trying to rub a charlie horse out of my ass cheek.

Needless to say, I skipped the rest of my glute workout. I’ll give’em a week off and come back strong next week. Here’s hoping it’s all better by then.

Contained

Continuing in the reflection from my last rant, I’m pondering if my independence is sometimes a hindrance to my dating life. I’ve had several folks comment off-hand recently about my independence. One night after dinner and conversation with a friend about breakups, he commented that I was very self-contained. This got the old noodle working and it stuck with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not worried that I’m not involved enough or giving enough w/potential bf’s or on dates. Not even  remotely.  No, I wonder if my ‘containment’ as it were could be the reason some guys feel intimidated or are afraid to approach me. I still can’t wrap my head around anyone thinking I could be intimidating. But more than a few people over the years have mentioned it to me. I still get surprised when anyone tells me they always wanted to say hi but were afraid to. So whether I intend it or not, there is obviously something to it. Even if it is a projection from the other person, something has to be triggering it. So now I’m wondering if my independence is part of that.

My friend, for the most part, was right. I am very self-contained. Growing up the way I did, I learned very early to take care of myself. Having few inhibitions, I also have no problems doing things solo. Pretty much anything I want to do, I can do alone if it strikes my fancy. I just don’t see a reason to avoid doing something I want to do because there is no one available at the time to do it with me.

Then you mix in that I’m not overly out in the community here, I wonder if the two combined give an appearance of aloofness. Let me back up a bit. I was very involved with the gay community when I first moved here. This gave me exposure to many of the long term gay residents here in SF.  I know many of them in varying degrees. Add in the gym, my motorcycle group, and yes even my shenanigans over the last 12 years and it becomes impossible not to get to know or know of a lot of the locals. Then there is also my odd work schedule. Because I usually work swing shift, I can’t always do many of the events or social gatherings that a lot of the locals attend. Fast forward to the present, I’m beginning to get the sense that I’m known by many but rarely seen. I wonder if this contributes to this sort of faux picture of me being aloof or unapproachable?

Actually, the more I think on it, the more I believe all of this together plays a big part of it. I’m dumbfounded that I could have missed it for so long. Obviously, they don’t read my blog! lol If they did, they’d see how completely open and approachable I am. All joking aside though, I’m still pondering this. I may need to beat it here some more in the future…

Late

When did late night tv turn from infomercials to BS made for tv movies about god? Seriously, there were no less than 3 on cable the other night. One was a bunch of what-if scenarios thinly woven into a plot. I watched two scenarios out of sheer sick fascination before I turned it off.

Sorry, but I don’t do the right thing because of what an allegedly all-powerful yet oddly hypocritical and petty being might do to me after I die. No, I do the right thing because it is the right thing to do.

Nor do I need to blame my short-comings and failures on mythical demons, spirits, sin, etc. I accept my mistakes and try to learn/build from them.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go manually work out some demons.

/rant

 

Surprised

Interesting share today.

I rant into a guy on the street the other day that I’ve had a crush on for some time. We always see each other at the gym, exchange glances and smiles.  I heard he had a partner so I never pursued it further. I run into him while walking Cooper one day and we stop to exchange pleasantries and formally introduce ourselves. There were some obvious sparks passing between us instantly. He was very sweet and charming. We talked for a bit before I confessed how handsome I thought he was. He returned the sentiment with a big smile. I asked if he was single. To his credit, he stated he was but that he was dating someone. With that news, I mentioned that I would normally give my number but wouldn’t because I didn’t want to intrude into his current situation.

He was visibly surprised and appreciative of my candor and unwillingness to put my own needs before respect. He told me outright he appreciated the respect. He got bonus points for loving Cooper immediately. lol Anyway, we continued to chat and flirt harmlessly for a bit more before going our separate ways. As we departed, he mentioned to me that if things didn’t work out he would very much like to reach out to me. I stated that would be very ok with me.

I got to thinking. How many other guys would have done the same? How many of you reading would have done the same? Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not inferring anything inappropriate or negative here. I’m sincerely curious if others would see it the same way I did. Some believe, ‘all is fair in love and war‘. And while I don’t necessarily cater to that belief, I’m not saying it is wrong or right. I’ve always admitted I’m an odd bird. I’m wired very different from a lot of people and I’m cool with that. And had my interest only been carnal, I wouldn’t have had a problem as long as that was allowed on his part. [1]I’ve always seen the distinction between love and sex, so if you read me often this shouldn’t come as a surprise.

From my perspective, it would have been rude or disrespectful to try and muscle in on someone else’s potential partner. While not at a partner level, it was pretty obvious it was more than casual dating. To try and insert myself in a romantic sense just felt wrong to me. I’ve never been able to date more than one guy at a time. Dating [2]not a date but serious continuous dating to me implies intimacy and potential for more and I have never been able to split my affections like that. I know other guys who seem to have no problem managing multiple suitors and see no conflict with it. I’m not saying they are wrong, nor am I judging them. I’m just saying it is not for me, and conversely I wouldn’t do it to someone else.

References

References
↑1 I’ve always seen the distinction between love and sex, so if you read me often this shouldn’t come as a surprise.
↑2 not a date but serious continuous dating

Comments

I’m not sure why some folks think they can’t disagree with me on my blog. I guess many carry over the failed experiences from other sites. Either way, I’ve had a few instances lately about whether a person felt comfortable leaving comments here so I feel compelled to speak up. One person even stopped me on the street to tell me their opinion after expressing a fear of posting on my blog.

I welcome comments, even if you disagree with me. My expectations are simple. Agree, disagree, or not care and comment as long as you are respectful. We can argue till we are both blue in the face. And we can do so w/o resorting to personal attacks.

For the most part, it is rarely a problem. I am not a news/media site and yes my rules are non-negotiable, but they are simple, fair, and most importantly, applied equally. I can count on one hand the number of non-spam comments I’ve deleted over the years. The only exception would be the crazie fundies who randomly descend with threats and condemnation. I’ve actually taken to forwarding death threats, however harmless in reality, to PD. [1]You’d be surprised how many of these idiots send emails thru their work accounts or work servers. LOL The rest of the haters’ comments are deleted outright from the queue.
And truthfully, if they expressed an opinion w/o vitriol and name-calling, even their comments would get thru. Sadly, that is so rarely the case.

Lord knows, I am opinionated. And if you hope to change my mind on a subject, you need to back it up with facts and/or reason, not name-calling, faux indignation, etc. Unlike a certain blogger we know, I don’t cultivate the appearance of support here by selectively managing the comments that come thru. I encourage different pov’s as I can learn from them.

I’ve always gotten more emails than comments in relation to posts on my blog. I have friends who are private and just like to discuss their opinions with me behind the scenes. I also have “lurkers”, guys who read but never or rarely comment, who will email me from time to time as well. In all of these emails, I’ve never had one be rude or disrespectful. If you can do it in private, no reason you can’t do it publicly either.

So, if you’re in doubt about whether you should make a comment, now ya know. 🙂

References

References
↑1 You’d be surprised how many of these idiots send emails thru their work accounts or work servers. LOL

Bits

I bit the holy hell out of my tongue the other day. And I was eating chili of all things at the time! How the hell I managed that is beyond me! lol I must have caught it at just the right angle because it’s not what one would consider a normal bite either. It’s a gash about 1/4 of an inch long and it seems pretty deep. Twenty four hours later and the spot was still very tender and sore. And it hurt like a bitch!

To make matters worse, I had a “date” scheduled, which I had to promptly cancel. I don’t know about you but there are plenty of activities that require my face to be involved and I was unwilling to forgo them. It was a major disappointment to say the least. He was equally disappointed. I sent him a pic of the damage so he wouldn’t think I was flaking. And it gets better! The very next day I caught Mr. Happy in my zipper while at the gym. It didn’t break the skin but it did leave a nice dark dime-sized bruise! Being out-of-service from both ends was a frustrating experience to say the least.

Anyway, I will survive. I’m on vacation this week from work. When I get back I’ll be on the new detail I mentioned. I pity the vendor that first week as I adjust. And even worse, the first week is 8-4 instead of 9-5! aaack! I don’t have any plans for the down time other than Cooper. I don’t know if I’ mentioned it but I planned a cruise with my bestie’s in November. I am so in need of a vacation away. But since I still need to make some cash first, I decided not to go anywhere this next week. I’ll probably take Cooper to the beach tomorrow. I might take him in a zip car up the coast for a bit. He loves going “bye-bye.” I also need to catch up on a few chores, file taxes, and video games. The latter not really being a need as much as a want. hehehe

*

Everyone has been asking about the pup I mentioned in the rebound post. And I appreciate all the advice I got by comments and email. So many of you had a wealth of advice. I felt truly honored that so many of you took time out to share. To clarify a bit, I really was interested in him. I think I may have implied I wasn’t. It was the intensity of some of my feelings that were based in insecurity not my general interest. Anyway, for a variety of reasons we’ve decided to step back and just be friends. And yes, I really do plan on being friends. We hadn’t yet reached a level of intensity that would have made that impossible or improbable so I think it is going to be fine. We actually hung out after we had the talk and it was ok. We may revisit it again in the future but for now, it’s not in the cards.

And that’s that. lol Actually, I’m not at all sad. I am disappointed obviously, but not sad. I learned something from it and I think that is the point. I think he did too. And I continue to make myself available to opportunities to date as they come up. Nothing currently working but ask me again tomorrow.

Dirty

And it’s nothing like what you’re thinking. Get out of my gutter already! hehehe

No, I’m referring to my dust-bowl of an apartment. It is no secret I hate doing household chores. Don’t get me wrong, the day to day stuff is no problem. Between the roomie and I, the bulk gets done. It’s the dusting, wiping, and randomly needed cleaning that I fail at so miserably. Some of the less-used surfaces routinely develop a nice coat of dust. Ugh!

I’m caught up enough financially I can start looking for maid service again. For some reason, I can’t reach my old crew and I sure wish I could find them. They were perfect.

Cleaning services aren’t that pricey compared to previous years. And while it will be a slight drain on my wallet, the well-being I get from knowing the apt is getting cleaned and dusted regularly will off-set that in a major way! Any locals reading this, if you know a good crew, I’m taking recommendations. Preferably a mom/pop style vs big company.