Moby Files: Blog – Page 64 – Blogging to bring the 'real' to reality!

Better

The growing number of gay teen suicides lately has been deeply disturbing. Those who hate us, emboldened by the vocal nutjobs in the media, find license to continue their hate and even worse, do real harm. They see the freaks on tv and think it’s ok. It is not ok and every single one of us has an obligation to speak out and say so.

While I was fortunate enough to not be bullied that often in school, I did experience it. It wasn’t so much because I was obviously gay but because I was different. Up until I left home, my parents made me wear my hair like Elvis (for lack of a better description). I guess at this point said hairstyle was considered out of style and I got lots of teasing over it. Of course, being poor didn’t help. I was also rather skinny and almost frail at this point in my life. My first real experience was in junior high. My last day of 7th grade a rather obnoxious bully named Corrie snuck up behind me and sucker-punched in the face with his fist. He’d often called me all kinds of names including the F-word. I doubt he really thought I was gay, he just saw me as weak and easy-prey. I folded like a sack of potatoes as it was out of the blue and I didn’t even see him. Everyone around me was equally shocked, even kids who weren’t really keen on me were upset. He thought he got away with it clean but first day of the next school year, they expelled him for a month. At my 10-year re-union I had hoped to encounter him. One, I had beefed up and also had experience and a new-found confidence. I actually went half-expecting to get into a fight with him. Win or lose, he was going to know it was not ok to ever bully me again. He didn’t show. I found out later on he’d been in/out of jail for random crap. One only knows where he is now or if he is even still alive. There were a few other times in my life but for the most part I was lucky in that regard.

My own brush with suicide was based on years of mental-abuse from family and a final kick in the head by the loss of my first love. There was no one there to help me, no one to turn to, and certainly no one to tell me things would improve. While I wasn’t bullied that much, the pain was very real. Call it grace, God, or just dumb luck, I decided against a very permanent solution and moved on with my life. I’ve never forgotten how it made me feel though. The sense of despair and helplessness was awful and it robbed the mind of reason. When you get like that, you begin to look for an escape any way you can. Sadly, suicide often seems like the only way out. I’m living proof that it’s not. It does get better. And while that doesn’t mean life is gonna be all roses and pretty flowers, you do move past it. You discover the world is more than just that confined moment of agony.

I had a kid named Brad reach out to me on my blog some years ago after I had shared my story here. He told me that my post had changed his mind about killing himself and gave him courage to continue on his life. I’ve never heard from him since but it gave me so much joy to know telling my story helped someone else.

I’m happy the say the local police department here did an It Get’s Better video recently. Several of my friends were in it and I couldn’t be prouder. It may seem trivial or even expected coming from a progressive city like SF but I don’t think so. When a law-enforcement agency sends a message of acceptance to our LGBT youth, it is sends a powerful message of hope.

[youtube_sc url=”http://youtu.be/6RMunYfzlGs” autohide=”1″]

The point of my ramble today is this. Good or bad, share your story with friends, family, coworkers, and even random strangers if the opportunity arises. It may not be horrific at all but that doesn’t mean your insight can’t help someone else. You never know when someone might be listening or reading. Don’t hide behind indifference. To do so discredits all those who have come before us and will come after us.

DINO’s

DINO is an acronym for Dogs In Need Of Space. I was reading an article a while back from a well-known dog-walker, who is also a blogger, weighing in on the subject. The article went a little viral and was reported on by the local Examiner. I guess I was on the fence because some of the rants I could agree with, others I couldn’t.

The first point I agreed with. Regardless of how cute, cuddly, or adorable an animal looks you should never just assume it is docile and approach it as such. Even if you own a dog(s), you should still check with a strange dog’s owner first. If you don’t check, don’t get your knickers in a twist when the dog snaps at you, or worse, bites your dumb ass for trying to pet it. Dogs can react, sometimes violently, when they feel threatened. Case and point, Spike was a very docile lovable animal. I never saw him snap at anyone until a nasty smelling homeless guy tried to pet him unannounced once day. Spike reared around, bared his teeth, and snapped at him. He clearly wasn’t trying to bite as much as send a message. I was surprised as the guy was. I then snapped at the guy and told him to stay his stinking ass away from my dog and he should never try to pet a strange dog. He reeked from like 4 feet away. I had to scold Spike as well because he couldn’t be allowed to do that but inside I was tickled pink. lol The point is that even the most docile breeds have their bad days or bad dogs, not to mention you have no idea how well (or not) the animal has been treated/trained.

From my own experiences, the worst DINO’s are often the ones where the owner encourages its bad behavior because he/she thinks it’s cute. Dogs can have varied temperments based on their breed as well as upbringing. With a wealth of info at your fingertips via a quick Google search, it is silly not to spend a modicum of time learning about your dog. The biggest mistake I see is when owners project their own thinking onto their dog. Dogs think like dogs not humans. No matter how cute they are, a dog will often try to establish dominance and/or protect what they perceive as their space and/or owner. While the owner might think this is admirable, he/she is setting the dog up for a lifetime of confrontation and problems. The dog should be taught it is not the pack leader and must abide by the rules. The more this is reinforced the happier it and you will be.

As a responsible dog owner, you have to also know the limits of your dog. If your dog is not friendly to humans or other dogs, do not put the dog in situations where it is forced to react. While this is not always avoidable, it can be anticipated and handled w/o a lot of fuss. And here is where I diverge from the article author’s point of view. The author implied everyone should know not all dogs are friendly. I disagree. As mentioned above, you should use a little common sense when approaching a strange animal, but not everyone has experience w/pets. Some people grow up w/o ever having had any pets. Always assumming others know to ask first is not a realistic expectation, especially if your dog is a DINO. Right or wrong etiquette wise, under the law if your dog attacks someone, you are liable under both civil and criminal statutes. And for [insert deity of choice here] sake, don’t tie it up and leave it alone in public spaces if it is the least bit aggressive. As its owner, you can be charged with a crime if the dog does damage to public property or worse, bites someone. Even if the bite doesn’t break the skin, the dog could be removed from your care, permanently in a worst case scenario. (And yes, in my line of work I’ve seen it happen.)

Another example of stupidity is when owners drag their dogs everywhere, including indoor spaces, and proceed to get their knickers in a twist when people naturally want to pet their dog. As an example, a guy used to bring his puppy into Bearbucks ^[1]Starbucks in the gaborhood every day. The puppy was cute/cuddly and very friendly. The owner would get annoyed at everyone who tried to pet his dog. He even had the nerve to bring a note one day and post it next to the dog while it was sitting out looking for attention. Even worse, he would complain to the employees about it! They finally got tired of his perpetual whining and asked him not to bring the dog back inside. The moral: If you put your dog in a situation where he is surrounded by people, you are an idiot for thinking no one will want to pet him.

When people act out like this they also abuse a business’s trust in them to manage their dog indoors. This makes it hard for all pet owners. A little common sense goes along way. On a side rant, if a business asks you not to bring your dog in, be respectful and don’t bring it in. Your thoughts on the matter are irrelevant as it is not your business. They have every right to not allow pets. Just like you have the option to not do business there. Throwing a fit and being a bully just makes you look like an ass.

As for Cooper, he is a very friendly dog, even too friendly. He will go up to virtually anyone for attention. Being a puppy and still learning rules, he can get very rambunctious. ^[2]Oddly, he still gets super hyper when company is over vs being much tamer outdoors. That being said, even in his short time with me he is learning what is acceptable and not. I want him to grow up to be a friendly, happy, and well-behaved doggie. When encountering other dogs Cooper immediately wants to play and will make a bee-line for the other dog. I ask other dog owners before he gets too close to see how they feel. If their dog is friendly, we let them interact. If not, we do not. It’s as simple as that. So far, Cooper hasn’t shown much of an aggressive side. Well, let me rephrase that. He doesn’t try to start trouble with other dogs and most often even when another dog becomes aggressive, he just looks on. He certainly seems able to defend himself but I wouldn’t call that aggressive.

As for other people, while I don’t mind people petting Cooper, I try to encourage folks to ask first. I certainly don’t get pissy about it if they don’t, especially if he is inside a public place with me. I find a polite encouragement goes along way though. I guess the moral here is both sides should exercise a little common sense but neither should assume the other knows the rules. Ironic how that could apply to a variety of other scenarios. lol

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↑1	Starbucks
↑2	Oddly, he still gets super hyper when company is over vs being much tamer outdoors.

Game On

I am so looking forward to this game. The first one didn’t get much press but it was a very fun game. If you’re a nerdy console gamer like me that enjoys a game that’s fun to play, this is a good one to have. In the first one, the story isn’t overly complex but it gives you a decent history as it unfolds. It had a few bugs in that it was too dark on some scenes and the monologues were boring as hell and couldn’t be skipped. But the game play was fun. If you’re like me and you enjoy FPS ^[1]first person shooter games w/more than just army nonsense, then this one is worth checking out. Well the first one was. I haven’t played part 2 yet but it’s been getting good reviews.

Like blogging, I come and go on gaming. Free time tends to be limited these days so just finding time to get lost in a game is challenging enough. lol I gauge a games worth on how many times I play thru it end to end. If I play it once and put it down, then it might have been ok but not phenomenal. If I’m willing to play thru it on increasing difficulty modes or just like replaying over and over, then it’s a keeper.

Anyway, I’ve always been a fan of scifi/horror/fantasy games. I know everyone else is big on war and sports games but I need more than speed or just different scenes to shoot opponents. I like a game with good visual layouts, music that fits the game play, and ease of use. The latter can be harder than you think. Every game developer seems to wanna ‘reinvent’ the game world which can often start with large expectations and small outcomes. You also have to have a feel for the game developer. Some companies turn out crap over and over until they find a hit. Some actually spend a lot of effort really focusing on how gamers play the game. The later often turn out to be big hits. I’m a huge fan of the Gears of War franchise. The third one seemed a little rushed but it was still good. The God of War games were awesome too. Both had great game fly, difficulty but not too difficult, and wonderful visual/audio scenes. I wish they’d come out with another Ratchet & Clank game. It was one of my all time favorite games. lol I played each one over and over and over.

Anyway, rather than wasting money I don’t have on buying all these, I use gamefly.com. It’s like Netflix for video games. I can play a game as long as I like and send it back when I’m done or I can buy it at a reduced rate. I used to buy 5-8 games a year and that shit adds up. Now I play twice that many and only buy the ones I really like.

For you nerds, I’ve got Infamous 2, Darkness II, and Portal 2 all up next in queue. My username/gamertag for Xbox 360 and PS3 is the same as my twitter handle.

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↑1	first person shooter

Snapshots

So I’m still having issues w/my xmlrpc file on the server it seems. My last post uploaded w/o the attached picture so I deleted it. Of course, I forgot that some of you are signed up for automatic notifications when I update. Ooops!

Anyway, here is the previous mentioned pic along with a couple others. Little Cooper is growing like a weed and isn’t so little anymore. hehehe I guess I don’t have to worry about his previous issues stunting his growth.

Here he is curled up sleeping right on top of me. He’ll sometimes lay his head or legs next to me but rarely does he crawl up on top of me and just camp out. lol

Here he is laying next to me on the bed while I’m watching reruns of Farscape on Netflix.

Snoozing

And here he is just sleeping up a storm on the sofa. lol

Banned

Someone got banned by my spam blocker today. lol Apparently, his IP address was being used to hammer my admin account in an attempt to crack my blog. tsk, tsk! heehee I’ve removed the ban as I know it wasn’t him but I’m tickled it was his IP address. ^[1]A prime example of why you should never use your default admin account in WordPress.

As a reminder, if you find you can’t access le blog, email me and I’ll look into it. A good first-step is to try to access it from a different location or internet connection. Spammers often hijack open wifi points and/or unsuspecting users and use their computers to do all their dirty work. I see it time and time again sadly. While few sites are truly hack-proof, a few precautions go along way to keep out the bad guys.

Don’t randomly open links/files in emails that you weren’t expecting, even if it is from someone you know. If you use Chrome, they do a good job of blocking malware sites but it’s never 100% foolproof.

Don’t fall for “your account as been locked or suspended, here click on this link and verify your info…” scams. You can do like I do and manually type the link into your location field of your browser of choice. That way you know you aren’t being spoofed.

On a follow up to that, most email clients allow hover functions. Meaning if you hover the mouse over a link it shows a tiny pop up window that displays the actual link. If it is different, in any way from the one displayed, don’t click it.

When you aren’t using your computer/laptop, shut it down . The old adage about ruining your pc by turning it off/on too much is really nonsense. You’d have to do this a 100 times more than the average user to really cause a problem.

At the end of the day, do like my Maw-maw always said, “believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see.” In other words, if it sounds suspicious don’t just click it like an idiot. lolol

Oh, and welcome back Brett.

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↑1	A prime example of why you should never use your default admin account in WordPress.

Better

It might seem trivial but I’ve been so proud of little Cooper over the last couple weeks. We’ve been having issues with his potty training over the last couple months. He would often pee (and sometimes pooh) on the carpet when we weren’t around. We crate him at night and when we aren’t home to help curb his "accidents." Most dogs won’t pee where the sleep or in a confined space except as a last resort. Well, little Cooper just pees anyway and then stands in it till we get up and let him out. Naturally, not a pleasant experience. He tried barking a few times but after some "negative" reinforcement, he knocked that off. lol

Anyway, he has been doing really well lately. He hasn’t had a single episode in almost 2 weeks now. Even better, the other day I couldn’t get home from work on my lunch until several hours after his usual break. ^[1]My lunch is at a different time every day and sometimes it is very late into my shift. Of course, I’m freaked out that he would pee in his crate and I’d have to clean not only his crate but him when I get home. Imagine my surprise to find he held onto it like a good little trooper. Normally, when I come home on lunch I play with him and give him love’en. I took him out right away this time. I could tell he really had to go because he will usually wait at the top of each stairwell (en route to the backyard) for me to catch up. This time he ran all the way to the bottom and waited for me to get there. Needless to say, he did his business and life went on.

Anyway, I’ve been so proud of him. I’m cautiously optimistic that he is on the path to being a well house-trained doggie. We’ve been letting him out of the cage more and more at a time to test the waters. It’s too soon to know for sure but so far so good.

🙂

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↑1	My lunch is at a different time every day and sometimes it is very late into my shift.

Birth’ed

Well, it’s official boys and gurls. Yours truly is 41 years old. ^[1]Or, 39.95 + tax Strange, as I don’t feel 41. Well, that’s half true. Age and wisdom has certainly given me some perspective. Not to mention, the grey is slowly creeping its way down my body. lol That said, I still don’t feel it. It’s hard to explain. I guess you can say I’ve held only my youthful outlook on things.

I don’t make a big fuss over my birthdays. I guess when I get to an age that is uncommon then I can make a bit to-do over it. Until then, I try to spend quality time with friends. This weekend I’m catching the new Underworld with a group and then Boys for Balls (charity bowling event). It promises to be a fun weekend.

I’m still very optimistic about the future and look forward to life. That is a good thing IMHO.

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↑1	Or, 39.95 + tax

Tran?

Would someone mind telling me when the word tranny became offensive? I’m not being sarcastic here, I’m honestly confused. Most of my life-long exposure to the word has been inside the community and in a simple descriptive slang. I’ve asked the few I know ^[1]including a FTM coworker and not a single one had a problem with the word in general. They also seemed a bit perplexed as to why it is suddenly only meant in the derogatory sense. If they don’t have a problem with it, why then do the groups that claim to represent us have such an issue with it?

I bring it up today as there’s been quite a bruhaha in social media outlets as of late, specifically gay media outlets. And the outrage and moral hand-ringing seems to be over people from within the LGBT community using the word in a clearly positive sense. I’d be a little more understanding if it was coming from some yahoo w/no brain spouting off out of ignorance. But from within our community? I’m confused.

First of, everyone deserves respect, including the T part of the LGBT umbrella. I’m currently just questioning the methodology. And the idea that I might question it does not mean I am not for transgendered rights. But, before I jump on the “Oh no you dinn’t just say that?” bandwagon, I need more than just a group jumping all over anyone who dares to use the word in any context. If the word has become so bad, why are we just hearing about it now and why aren’t these same agencies educating us in the LGBT community? Jumping all over anyone who uses the word, even when well-meaning, is certainly not the answer.

Words have power, no dispute there, but one should also look at the intent behind the word as much as the word itself. While not diminishing the very real pain a person can feel when spoken to in a degrading way, not every use of a word is derogatory. Frankly, over-reacting to every use of the word also diminishes your effort and gives you the appearance of whining. Our brethern in the black community have co-opted a slang version of the N-word and made it their own. While it can and does still have negative meanings, they are actively taking back the power of its use.

I wonder if our own over use of the word within the LGBT community has spawned its use on a much larger scale. As LGBT folks become more accepted and mainstream, it seems a natural progression that our slang would be picked up by straights. How they use it could be based on intent and/or ignorance. If that is the case and the word is becoming deragatory I could understand all the fuss. I’d also fully support efforts to stop using it. I would never support treating a transgendered person any different than I’d treat anyone else.

I also can’t hep but wonder if it is because we in the LGBT community use it as slang that in its self makes it unacceptable. Sorry, but that would be way beyond political correctness and would push me away from supporting anyone who tried to sell it. I also think it would be extremely counter-productive to the fight for transgendered equality. While being transgendered is fundamentally different than being gay/straight, the right to and the fight for acceptance is the same. Trying to distinguish a separation between us is futile to the outside world. Our focus should be on the acceptance of everyone, regardless of their race, creed, gender, orientation, etc. Otherwise, what’s the point of including the T in the LGBT acronym?

On a tangent of the above, is this a preemptive attempt to prevent the word from becoming derogatory? My understanding of the word tranny is that it has more to do with gender-benders and drag queens than being transgendered. It is very plausible the outside world would miss that very important distinction. Is this the transgendered communities attempt to either distance themselves from the word or prevent it from taking hold as descriptive slang for transgendered folk? I can see the reasoning there but I still think it would be a futile and needless battle. While the LGBT community might pick up on it, the outside world would fail to see the distinction. To me, this also smacks of the all or nothing mentality. History has shown this approach rarely, if ever, succeeds.

IMHO, a united approach is and will always be the best approach for all of us in the fight for equality. I don’t know how many of my readers, if any, are transgendered, but I welcome everyone’s feedback/comments on this issue. I’m not claiming to be right here, just confused.

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↑1	including a FTM coworker

Extra Large

Nothing dirty, get your mind out of my gutter. But you should be logged in if you’re not.

Has anyone noticed that t-shirt sizes seem to be shrinking and pant sizes seem to be growing? WTF is up with that? lol I was recently shopping for a zip-up hoodie and none of the sizes fit me. I had to end up getting an extra-large. While I’m first to admit I’ve put on some muscle in the last 10 years, I’m not that damn big. And for some odd reason, clothing manufacturer’s never seem to make t-shirts the same size across brands. Even when shopping within the same brand, I often find I have to check sizes. It drives me nuts. I’m what I like to call a hybrid shopper. I like to shop but I don’t like wasting tons of time trying on clothes, especially for t-shirts. Once I become familiar with a brand, I like knowing I can grab a shirt I like, hit the checkout, and be done with it.

It is frustrating as hell to try to shop for shirts because you have to try every single freaking shirt on before you buy it. And then hope/pray it doesn’t shrink, even when it’s not supposed to, after you wash it. ^[1]That’s a whole other pet-peeve! Why can’t they do like shoe companies and show a size based on what country the shoe is being sold in? While I still try on shoes before I buy, I never have to jump sizes. A size 10 is always a size 10 (with only a small difference between shoes and boots). Oh and even worse, when you buy cheap shirts, it is just the opposite. You buy a small and it drags your knees! lol

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↑1	That’s a whole other pet-peeve!