Dear Kid v2.0

I swear I didn’t plan my last post and this one together. lol I do find it extremely ironic though. Anyway…

I stumbled over this post by chance via a friend on Google+ a few days ago. I highly encourage you to go read it and come back. Seriously, go read it. You can scroll down to about the 60 comment mark and then again around 150 comments for my rather long replies. [1]PS I’d ask that if you do comment over there, please refrain from being ugly or rude. You can also see how my comment is quickly dismissed as I’m hating on him.

I wasn’t bothered that his “letter” shined a light on our shortcomings and failures. He touches on some very real problems within the gay community. What bothered me was the glaring over-generalizations and implications behind his speech. He marginalized all of us because of his own failures. In essence, because he couldn’t cope with being gay, he decided being gay can’t be healthy. Because his coming out wasn’t everything he expected, he fell into bad habits, and his sex wasn’t as exciting as porn he equates being gay as a failure. [2]Yes, he actually compared his sex life to porn. He goes on to insult all of the couples out there who have been together for decades by implying they don’t exist. Normally, I would just ignore it and move on but his attempts to use half-truths and misrepresentations to prey on folks who might stumble upon his site got to me.

I make no secret about my struggle with compulsive behavior over the years. Nor do I hold myself out to be some holier-than-thou who is above all the petty failings that plague our community. But the difference between the author and myself is I chose to embrace what I am, the good and the bad. I work to strengthen the good while continuing to work on the bad. I accept the community I live in is not perfect. I recognize that while we are all responsible for our choices many of us have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. I no longer search for role models to emulate. Instead, I try to be the type of man I’d like to date. I do not give myself over to his God to solve my problems. I choose to change and better myself.

At the end of the letter you get the sense the author has exchanged one coping mechanism for another. His attempt to make life all better by coming out failed so he has absolved himself of any responsibility by putting it in god’s hands. And now because it’s magically a god issue he can avoid accepting responsibility. Convenient wouldn’t you say? As I said in my comment, I feel sorry for him. I hope that he finds peace within himself.

I also decided to write my own version of his letter.

Dear Gay Kid v2.0:

Congratulations for finally being able to admit to yourself and others that you are gay. I applaud your tremendous courage and welcome you with open arms. You are not alone. You join a community as broad and diverse as humanity itself. We come from all walks of life: male, female, black, white, asian, christian, muslim, agnostic, etc. Know that you are worthy of love and respect. Your inalienable right to be is not up for debate and never ever let anyone tell your differently.

Unfortunately, we do not yet live in a world of total acceptance. You may find life harder and more challenging for your honesty. Coming out is not a fix-all for your life or problems. It is but one step of many you will take. Along the way you will encounter those who deny and fear you. You may even encounter some who wish to do you harm out of their own ignorance. You see, they do not understand, and anything not understood is often feared. Some will hate you because they recognize a tiny part of you in themselves. In that recognition you will represent a target for their pain.

Others will be blinded by religious dogma. They are locked in a pattern of denial based on a lifetime of rhetoric. To admit you were born gay would be to admit their religion, written by man, is flawed. And that is something they cannot fathom. Even worse, some will attempt to use lies, half-truths, misrepresentations, and your own doubts against you. If you are a person of faith, it can be a source of great support, but do not be misled. Seek truth and answers on your own. The answers will speak for themselves.

In times of doubt you’ll wonder, ‘Why me? Why can’t I be like every one else?’ What I can tell you is it will always come back to a fundamental choice. You can deny who you are and spend your life reinforcing that denial, or you can accept it. It is here I am reminded of the words of Benjamin Franklin, “On the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it.” In simpler terms, even though perfection is a goal we will never reach, we are better for our attempts to reach it.

Because we are born different, part of our struggle must be to rise above the fears and ignorance of those who do not understand us. We must strive not to fall prey to the mistakes of those who came before us. By living openly & honestly we show the world how small our differences really are. And finally, through our struggles we make the world better not only for ourselves but those who come after us.

I wish you the very best!

Moby

References

References
↑1 PS I’d ask that if you do comment over there, please refrain from being ugly or rude.
↑2 Yes, he actually compared his sex life to porn.

See

I was re-watching a movie called Devil the other day and I was struck by one of the points in the story line. If you have’t seen it, almost the entire movie is shot from inside an elevator. It might sound a bit boring but its quite entertaining if you like the genre. Very suspenseful. Anyway, The devil brings this group of individuals together because he wants to claim one of their souls. The twist is that they are all bad individuals or have done bad things, whether intentional or not. As the story unfolds you discover they seem to be intertwined in relevant ways.

Anyway, my rant isn’t so much about the story line but part of the theory one of the lead characters proposed as a resolution. How do you make someone see themselves for who & what they really are? For you few enduring readers, you know this ties in nicely with one of my fundamental approaches to my blog; to see myself more objectively. [1]I certainly do a decent job of it at times but we all reflect on reality based on our own wants, desires, prejudices, etc. Thru many years of self-examination I like to think I have gotten better at seeing parts of myself more objectively. But how does one produce this on a larger scale? Think for a moment how many real world problems we could solve with this. And not just in our personal lives but in life in general.

In the movie the main character, being faced with imminent damnation, is finally given to see himself for who he is and what he has done. His redemption comes from the objective realization that he has committed a great wrong, whether intentional or not, and must atone for it if he homes to become a better person.

My question here is this the only way we can push people into seeing w/o the blinders? Is imminent destruction or death the only real way to remove the barriers we put before ourselves. I think back on my father before he passed. He waited till he was on his death bed to tell me he was sorry for the awful things he did to me during my coming out. Granted I think he’d realized his faults years before but he waited until the last possible moment to seek forgiveness. Maybe it sounds silly but the more I think on it the more I think this could/would fundamentally change our world.

Sadly, I don’t have a practical answer or solution to put forward. In my own life, it came from realizing a basic unhappiness in myself and struggling to understand it. This led to the pursuit of examining my id and all it’s many demons. I think this also reflects on why I try so hard to be fair-minded and equal in my thought patterns.

References

References
↑1 I certainly do a decent job of it at times but we all reflect on reality based on our own wants, desires, prejudices, etc.

Q & A

I often get questions by email on a variety of subjects. I try to reply when I can but I don’t always get the time. I thought I’d post a few recent ones that sort of made me laugh. I’ve included my reply, where applicable. Enjoy!

 

Q. Why are you gay? God created Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve. [1]Typos corrected.

A. Dear anonymous commenter. Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, you are using an out-dated version of Human v1.0. Please upgrade to our more enlightened and educated Human v2.0. This should solve your problems.

 

Q. Why do you still blog. Blogging is old news.

A. Because I can.

 

Q. Why are you not more manly like that guy Brett.

A. *After recovering from fit of laughter*. If your IP didn’t resolve to 4 states away, I’d accuse you of BEING Brett. Since you aren’t, we have a different view of what makes a man manly.

 

Q. Will you marry me?

A. Yes, just as soon as I win the lotto jackpot.

 

Q. How big is your c*ck?

A.

 

Q.  I never see any of your private posts, did you discontinue them?

A. Having checked your comment, you aren’t logged in. You have to be logged in first. I also haven’t been doing that many of them. I’ve started again.

 

Q. Where did you rescue Little Cooper?

A. Northern California Bulldog Rescue. If you don’t live in the area, you can google your own area. There are a plethora of sites online the specialize in bulldog rescue.

References

References
↑1 Typos corrected.

Return

Well, it’s been a week of fun and mayhem with Trev and Mikey. Now it’s Monday and time to return to reality. lol It was great seeing both of them. We had a blast! The picture links to an album that includes a few shots I took over the course of our week together.

Pride was fun. The boys arrived the day before. I didn’t snap that many pics as I had forgotten to charge my phone battery the night before and was running low on juice. The boys opted for stadium seating but even then we could only sit still for a couple hours before moving on to the fair. Pride night we went to a Tea dance party at Ruby Skye. I’d never been inside and the place was gorgeous. The music was pretty good as well. [1]Dance music with actual words!  They opted for another later party but Mr Moby was tuckered out and headed home. I’m such a lightweight.

Having not ever been here together before, the boys wanted to do the typical tourist stuff (The things I do for friends. lol j/k). As much as I usually hate doing touristy stuff, I had fun. It was very bearable mostly because we did everything during the week when most folks are working. 

Alcatraz was our first stop during the week of post Pride festivities. I hadn’t been since right after I moved to SF and it was totally different. I guess over the years they’ve changed how the tours go. I thought I was gonna be bored but to my surprise, I wasn’t at all. The gardens were in full bloom and the weather was warm w/o being hot.

Next on our journey was Muir Woods (the big redwood trees). I never get tired of seeing the redwoods. Such massive trees and so few left. We snapped a few pics to show the sheer size of the enormous plants. We took a tour bus group up. The driver driveled on constantly with tedious details but we tuned him out. lol Naturally, we sat in the back of the bus! The weather was warm and sunny so it was a very nice trip. On the way back we stopped off in Sausalito. We took the opportunity to grab a quick bite to eat while the rest of the tour group was sight-seeing. We had fish & chips at a place on the strip. 

The next day was a slow unscripted trip to the Wharf on Pier 39. This place is tourist central and I usually avoid it like the plague. Again, being the middle of the week helped. We did the whole experience and took the cable car from the hood all the way down. I figured it we were gonna be tourists might as well go whole-hog. We saw the seals, checked the shops, had some delicious clam chowder, and just walked the area. We had considered taking the trolley car home but the line was easily an hour wait. No thanks.

Our last big day of planned festivities was a trip up to Napa to visit wine country and partake in some wine-tasting. Again the weather was great albeit a tiny bit on the hot side. Napa is gorgeous this time of year. Our tour included 4 vineyards with a tour and wine-tasting session at each. In a nutshell, the Robert Mondovi Vineyard was the best. The Andretti Vineyard [2]yes, the same as the race car driver was the worst. The staff  were rude, snobbish, and the wines were awful. I do not recommend it at all. The Ménage a Trios Vineyard gets a special mention for having the best wines.  Needless to say, we got a little tipsy. The pic above was taken at the Franciscan, our last stop on the tour before heading home.

We also went out a few nights during the week for cocktails. lol We got totally sloshed at 440 one night. The bartender knew me and kept giving us drinks and shots. Needless to say, we had fun. Of course, we had have some late night pizza slices to soak up all the booze. Lord, I’ll need to invest in some cardio for a couple weeks.

So it was a good vacation. It was good to see the boys and having them here really cheered me up. I didn’t realize how much I missed them. We all promised to not let it go so long next time before we see each other. On a side note, Cooper loved all the extra attention. Sadly, he started peeing on the carpet again. We had a couple come-to-jesus conversations and he is back on the path. Today, it’s back to gym and work. After all, one can only avoid reality for so long. lol

References

References
↑1 Dance music with actual words!
↑2 yes, the same as the race car driver

Vs

I’ve mentioned a few times I am a multi-OS household. My laptop is PC, my smartphone is Android, and my tablet is Apple.

My rant today is about the respective app stores. They are certainly NOT created equal and I am not overly happy with the iOS market. If like me, you use both OS’s you’ll understand what I mean about the ecosystems being very different. On the Apple side, you see less free apps and more paid apps. On the Android side, you have a variety of both but often have a choice of a free (ad-supported) version vs a paid (ad-free) version. Both have their pros and cons.

For me, I prefer the Android ecosystem hands down. Primarily because there are many more demo versions of software I like/use. If I like it, I can pay for the full version. Or at the very least, if I purchase a paid only app, at least I can get a no hassle refund.

On the Apple side, there are far fewer demo or free apps. That wouldn’t bother me so much if they offered a convenient refund option like Android. While Apple does have a refund option, it is overly cumbersome and not always guaranteed. I’ve been thru 5 refund requests now and only 2 were refunded. On Android, I have 15 mins to test a paid app, if I don’t like it or it doesn’t function properly I can uninstall for a full refund. It’s all automatic, no grief, no hassle.

I can also dispel the myth that paid apps on Apple are better quality than many of the same “free” apps on Android. While it may sometimes be true, it is certainly not a guarantee. Four of the five apps mentioned above were because of functionality problems. While Apple has the advantage on the consistency of hardware specifications being the same, all apps are not created equal. I’ve found plenty that don’t work as advertised or are just poorly designed. Add that into the refund policy above, and you begin to see some mounting frustration. At least on the Android side, I have an easier time trying apps until I find one that works and/or that I like.

It is no secret I am a bigger fan of Android as an OS but Apple is still the leader in hardware and design when it comes to tablets. The iPad is beautifully designed, fully functional, versatile, and has an exceptional battery life. I love mine and am very happy with it overall. [1]Considering it was free, I ain’t bitching that hard! lol That said, Android hardware developers are fast catching up and I’d bet money within a year, you’ll see Android based tablets that are on par with the iPad. Either way, I wish Apple would climb down off their high-horse just a bit and take some cues from Android on how to make their user experience more enjoyable.

References

References
↑1 Considering it was free, I ain’t bitching that hard! lol

Bounce

Ok, gents. I’m getting several registered accounts on my blog with email bounces. I appreciate everyone who has signed up for subscriptions but you need to either use a valid email account or one that isn’t full.

I don’t like deleting accounts but if it continues I will have no choice. I’ll try to contact you, if I can, prior to deletion but I can’t micro-manage le blog so I am asking for your help. Please, puh-lease update your account if your emails invalid or you use an account where it might be full.

Thanks a bunch! 🙂

Hewwo Wowld

My name is Cooper and I am 2 yeaws owd today. Daddy said I couwd log on to his bwog and tawk to you cause I am an aduwt now. [1]in dog years

My daddies wescued me back in Novembew of 2011 and bwought me home to wive with them. I have been so happy since then. I was mawnouwished from not being fed vewy weww by my pwevious ownew. Now I get pwenty of food evewy day and tweats when I am good. When I am bad, I get put in my cage to think about what I have done. That does not happen vewy often though.

My daddy Moby tewws me evewy day how much he wuvs me. He takes me fow wawks, wets me pway in da doggie pawks, and takes me evewywhewe in da neighbowhood. He scwatches my bewwy and gives me wubs when I am begging.

My daddy gets sad sometimes though. He tewws me he misses someone named Spike. Spike must have been a weawwy good doggie for my daddy to miss him so much. He died and went to doggie heaven. I wish I had got to meet him but daddy shows me his pictuwes all da time.

Anyway, daddy says I have a big weekend coming up. He says something about “two big homo’s coming to stay for awhile“. I don’t know what dat means but I hope I get wots of tweats!

Dogs rule!

References

References
↑1 in dog years

Reunion

Two of my long-time friends are arriving in SF on Saturday for GHHD #1 [1]Gay High Holy Day aka Pride and for a week long visit. Having never been in SF all together, I am ecstatic! I just hope the poor city, and Apple guy, survives! I’m sure Cooper will be happy with all the extra attention regardless.

We’ll do Pride this weekend and one of the many dance parties planned as well. Other than 440, I haven’t really been out and ages. Afterwards, I’m sure we’ll be doing all the touristy things I normally abhor. Having been a bit of a homebody as of late, I doubt I’ll mind though. It will be good to see them and enjoy some time together. We were last together in Houston a couple years ago briefly for one of Trevan’s big birthday celebrations. Trevan recently uprooted from Houston and moved himself to Austin for a job that was too good to pass up. Mikey is still in Dallas and I’m way out here.

I honestly can’t think of a better way to spend Pride weekend than with two of my good friends. It didn’t even have to be a holiday weekend for all I care. But since it is, we’ll tear it up and enjoy ourselves. With finances being tight and the distance, I don’t get to see them near as much as I used to. The only thing that would make it better is if they would bring me some Whataburger!

*

Whatever you are doing this Pride weekend, whether you celebrate or not, I hope you have a fun and safe time. Take joy in the good things in your life and take a moment to celebrate that in whatever way you see fit.

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day aka Pride

Current

I’ve been using Google Currents a lot lately for my news addiction. I quite like it. It works much like a desktop application in that the formatting is much smoother. It is very easy on the eyes as it has a very simple clean interface. It works on Android or Apple [1]being a mutli-OS househould has it’s challenges at times. and on phones or tablets.

The one down side is there is currently not way to sort or file your feeds into folders or groups. Everything gets it’s own little tab on the splash screen. While that is nice for a few sites, when you have well over 100 news/blog feeds like I do, that gets cluttered pretty quickly. It also makes getting from feed to feed cumbersome. You can add sites from their predefined list, any rss feed of choice, or you can sync with your existing Google RSS feed.

If you’re looking for a mobile RSS reader, I highly recommend it albeit the caveat above. Best of all, it’s free with no ads!

References

References
↑1 being a mutli-OS househould has it’s challenges at times.

Ya Know…

…you live in San Francisco when:

the homeless have specific requests on the amount of money or type of food they want.

someone says, ‘let’s go to the beach‘ and you grab a hoodie.

you see a naked guy walking down the st and no one even blinks.

your bingo host is a drag queen named Bob.

your pastor is a drag queen named Bob.

you can give directions to anywhere in the City w/o mentioning a freeway.

every hill is a different neighborhood.

you feel like you need a passport to drive over a bridge.