Author: Moby

Contented Bliss

Somedays are just too nice to complain. I got a great sleep on the new mattress. (Lindsey Wagner was right! You really do get a more “restful” sleep on a good mattress. *giggle*)

The stomach is almost 100% again. I was still a tiny bit quesy yesterday. My energy wasn’t on par w/normal either. Today, I’m feeling like my old self again. Course, no rest for the wicked. I’m off to work early as I’m due to instruct a class.

About the old journal post, I got a lot of questions why I thought moving back to TX was a good idea. Well, mainly because I didn’t know many people in Boulder/Denver. I felt isolated. This only added to my loneliness at the time. I don’t think I was capable of seeing the truth of the situation consciously. However, my subconscious mind it seemed was working overtime to protect me. The next old journal entry will be a hard one to post. It’s a bit raw. I was beginning to feel desperate. I promised to post “as-is” w/o any tinkering and I will. But that doesn’t make it any easier. Even today, I’m almost always moved to tears reading it.

Ok, duty calls…the madness continues.

Old Journals – 1.16.97

As promised, here is another journal from way back when. Not much had changed since the first except the desire to move home had intensified. It was obvious I felt alone. I felt trapped by my life and helpless at times to change it. I’d focused my energies on getting back to Texas. I just knew if I could get home everything would be all right again. (Not really the case but perception is 9/10 of reality they say.) The poem references a new friend I’d made. His name was Aubry. We lost touch a couple of years after I moved away but I still miss him in my life. He was the one thing that kept me sane thru my despair.

1.16.97
It’s been 15 days since I last wrote here. Not a whole lot new to tell. I am working out again. I haven’t done much metaphysical work lately. I guess my exercise is work enough. At least I’m doing something. I have been really really busy. I’ve come to realize I want to move back home. I miss everything! I talked to Steve today. NHP doesn’t have any positions right now. He is going to send me a paper on Sunday so I can look around with other companies. I came across a poem today that I kinda like. Here goes…
Continue reading Old Journals – 1.16.97

Hallelujah!

“This house is clean!” Ok the house isn’t but I’m feeling much better. As expected, after my bout w/Satan and my quick choice to exercise him, I’m back on the mend. Still a little quesy but oh so much better overall. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes.

I did get a new mattress yesterday. I wanted a Spring Air but they are so damn pricey I couldn’t afford it. Instead I opted for a Simmons Beauty Rest. The firm version w/a plush top. It is truly amazing what a good mattress can do for your sleep. I slept thru the whole night w/o waking up tossing/turning once. I woke up feeling very refreshed and w/o the usual stiffness. My debt had to take a hit but that’s ok. I knew it was coming, I’d just been putting it off. I went thru Sleeptrain here in SF. I think they are a chain. When I called, the guy was way more friendly than some of the other vendors I’d already spoken with. He went overboard making sure I understood the difference between types and brands. And they delivered free of charge the same day! You can’t beat that w/a stick!

Oh! My phone came yesterday too. After Kenucky Tim came over and brought me some soup, I felt good enough to trek off to get some errands done. (The domestic chores are still waiting for me. Ugh!) It put me in a good mood though. I came home and started tinkering w/it of course. Tim was like “ok, I can see I’m not wanted anymore” and split. Bless his heart, he was such a saint for bringing me food. He walked 10 blocks to do it too. He also cleaned up my apt a bit. (Besides being a big baby, I’m hella messy when I get sick. Dishes, clothes everywhere!)

Today, I’m taking it easy. I’m going to the gym but taking it easy. I think I’ll just do some light cardio. Don’t wanna over do it. Sadly, I still have chores to do. (No, I’m not procrastinating, why do you say that? :P) I have another busy week coming up so can’t afford not to put’em off. *sigh*

Get Thee Behind Me Satan…

So my muggy mood turned into the night from hell. I think I got salmonella or food poisoning. My back had been bothering me all day and then my stomach started acting up. I came home, took a nap, and woke up to a high fever and projectile vomit. I often tease people “I got demons all in me.” Well last night, I think it was true.

Having had a horrible case of salmonella poisoning quite a few years ago, I think it left me some antibodies. Instead of getting full blown sick w/all the fatigue and vomiting for days (sometimes weeks) on end, I get sick, throw it all up, and then improve rapidly. I’m just guessing here but I’m grateful. One thing is for sure, I don’t wanna go thru another night like last night.

Add to that, I have shittiest lumpiest mattress known to man. I had to get up and come sleep on the couch. I’ve been putting off buying a new mattress. Not anymore! Once I’m a tad more recovered (yeah I know it’s not good grammar), I’m getting my ass over to the mattress store, TODAY! Actually, Kentucky Tim is bringing me some soup. He needs to get some errands done too. Maybe that’ll motivate me to get off my ass.

Wish me luck.

Muggy II / Drivel

I made it to the gym but my energy tanked right away so only got a half-ass workout in. My mood is as muggy as the weather today. I think I’m just worn out from my exertions as of late. Busy busy busy. Finding out my ride along for tomorrow got cancelled again didn’t help.

A buddy from work called me to see if I would co-sign a loan for him. That would be a big negative! One, I’m still recovering from my own debts incurred during the last relationship. Two, said friend tends to invite a large amount of drama into his life. Be it immaturity or blind stupidity, either way not my problem. Three, I have a distinct feeling there is more to the story than I’m hearing. *I may have been born at night but it wasn’t last night.*

Notice the Moby-ism on the left. Not sure who coined the phrase but I’ve taken it to heart throughout my life and it serves me well.

My new phone/pda hasn’t come yet. I’m anxious as all hell for it to show up. I’ve been so busy the Tivo is almost full. Maybe tonight I can catch up while I’m being tortured by domestic chores from hell! (I must have been rich in my previous life because I detest house work!) I’ll be so glad when I when the lotto so I can hire a houseboy. *mental note – play lotto*

I got a tickle out of the overwhelming response to my “dying to now” question. hehehe. May have to do that one again. I have tons of those little buggers floating around in my head.

OH! I almost forgot, I’m planning a little surprise for the blog. However, a new piece of hardware is required. It hasn’t shown up yet either. I got an email from Amazon saying it was delayed. Bumm-diddly.

Ok, I’m off to bend eager minds to my will.

Muggy

It’s raining like a mofo out right now. So much for my glorious plans to soak up some sun over my weekend.

Oh well, off to the gym. Have to instruct a class later otherwise, it’s chore city for me today. Blech!

A Past Not Forgotten

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my father’s death. For those of you long term readers, you know that his passing while sad was not overly traumatic for me. It did bring up many unresolved issues for me. Some of which I was able to resolve at the time. My father and I weren’t close considering our history. However, in the end, we did reach a sort of understanding and mutual respect for each other. One might even say love.

I look back today not w/sadness or regret. Nothing that was done can be undone. And while at times, I still resent the unnecessary hardships inflicted upon me by my family, I am grateful as well. Those hardships have helped mold me into the person I am today. Humility really is a good teacher. I never understood that as I child. As an adult, it is all too clear.

In slightly less depressing news, today is my Friday. I was only moderately bad last night. Home and in bed by 3:00am. This moring, I had a conversation w/someone which left me in very good spirits.

New Readers

Lately, I’ve had a noticeable increase in my readership. Not my clicks but actual readers. I’m flattered so many folks like my rantings. I’ve tried to keep the blog “honest” so to speak in that I’ve always wanted it to become an extension of me and a reflection of my growth as a person.

With the exception of kristaki, I’m often very leary of my co-workers learning about my blog. I’m not ashamed, I just don’t want any unneccesary conflicts. I’m very professional at work, even when I’m goofing off and being a cornball. I offered my link to a female co-worker this week. Someone I’d originally made assumptions about based on her appearance. Not bad mind you, just incorrect. She is a very nice woman whom I’ve grown to respect a lot. I’m pretty sure our lives are on different paths but that’s not really a surprise. And whether she actually decides to read or not isn’t important. Having gotten to know her a bit, I feel like she is worth the risk. She is always very kind, overly considerate, and easy to work with. She has improved in her job skills tremendously since starting just 2 short years ago.

I’m sure my blog will be a bit racy for her and may even be a little bit TMI at times. However, I am confident that won’t matter and feel like she would benefit from my madness.

Kiss & Tell…

*another long winded rant, lord you are asking for it today. grab a sandwich*

Well, I’m flattered so many guys are interested in my love (or lust) life. I was taken aback by the flood of emails (and posts). *g* I was in such a good mood today I didn’t even mind the one very nasty email I got.

First, thank you sincerely to all the well-wishers. You solidify my optimistic belief in the kindness and compassion of humanity. (Being from the South, kindness is a biggie in my book.) Since I have yet to meet said person, I don’t plan on preemptively ruining it by blabbering my (and his) “biz-ness” all over my blog. I’m sure you can respect that even if you’re chomping at the bit to know. Like I said before. . . All good things cum all over come to those who wait.

I was really struck by the number of emails asking “what type of guy I’m hoping to land?” That’s not an easy question to answer. Especially, when I’m not hoping to land anyone. I’m open to a relationship however, I think ‘searching’ for one puts too much pressure on the interaction. And, I’m still growing as a person so it is really hard for me to answer w/any finality.

Continue reading Kiss & Tell…