Category: cranky

Trust

In a slightly less exciting rant and not meant to damper the thrill I have from my tattoo, I discovered this weekend, and not for the first time, someone I trusted has been running their mouth about my business.  Business they were instructed was private and only shared in confidence.  Serves me right for reaching out to someone I saw in pain and deciding to share part of myself. 

Well, lesson learned. [1]And needless to say, they won’t get a 2nd opportunity

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The irony here is for a long time I didn’t see myself as an overly moral or ethical person.  Never having the benefit of strong family ties as a child, I had to teach myself right from wrong.  All things considered, I’ve accomplished that goal to my satisfaction. [2]Of course, there is always room for improvement.  And while my own brand of morals may not be the norm, they keep me on the path I have chosen in this life.  I guess the point of my ramble here  is I’m more disappointed than angry.  Disappointed that integrity seems to be a catch phrase for most guys these days.  I’m also disappointed in someone who obviously cares more about their next drinking buddy than true friendship.

Or, it could be I’m just getting old and crotchety.  I mean my 38th birthday is fast approaching. *ducking*   

References

References
↑1 And needless to say, they won’t get a 2nd opportunity
↑2 Of course, there is always room for improvement.

Ho-hum

I haven’t really been inspired to blog much lately.  Even my twittering has waned.  After getting yet another round of emails asking “are you ok?”  I figured I should at least post an update.

Nothing is really wrong, [1]well other than being a 2nd class citizen in the eyes of the law again. I’ve just been busy.  Work has been crazy.  My union duties are extremely busy right now.  The other day I had so much union related stuff going on, I only sat on channel for about 45mins the whole day.  I’m not complaining as I usually get results.  Plus, I am actively working to make my place of employment better. 

I’ve also been heavily involved in playing Gears of War 2.  I freaking love that game.  I beat the campaign level once already and am really enjoying the online play.  If you have an 360, you should try it even if you don’t normally go for FPS (first person shooter) games. 

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The Prop 8 scandal still smarts.  I will admit to being rather sad lately over the whole ordeal.  I’ve attended several rallies and sit-ins.  And while it feels good, I just feel like rallies don’t accomplish much after the fact.  Where were all these people when our rights got taken away?  I’ve also donated all I can at this point.  I’ve pushed my finances as far as I’m willing.  I’ve already forgone riding gear, my holiday overtime pay and money for personal holiday gifts this year.  I can’t afford to give anymore right now.  I know I sound pissy but I’ve done my part.  I’m certainly not giving up but we all have limits. 

I’m curious about the whole “amendment process”.  I’d love to start an amendment to ban divorce in California.  Or maybe we could ban marriage all-together.  Or how about we ban Mormons?  How very “christian” of you to force your beliefs on others. Don’t like the idea of marrying a gay person?  Well then don’t do it you ignorant hate-mongering fuckers!  That’s ok, you’ll get yours in the end.  I have no doubts in that. 

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I’ve been hitting the gym consistently.  I’m back up to a full routine.  Still haven’t hit my original limits but slow and steady.  I’ve been good at incorporating cardio into my routines and I’m getting used to it now. 

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I had a date last week.  It was a medic who was doing his Medic cert back when I was doing my EMT cert.  We used to run into each other at the hospitals and chatted often.  Anyway, long boring story short, it did not go well.  One, he was clearly husband shopping.  Two, he had some internalized homophobia.  Neither of which I am inclined to put up with.  The final straw was when he indicated the whole Prop 8 scandal had very little to do with him.

I think he was more disappointed than I was. heehee  His face fell several times in the course of our conversations.  It was clear he expected me to be of a similar mind-set since we worked in related fields.  I almost felt sorry for him.  Almost. 

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I’ve taken my daily journals private again as they aren’t very nice right now. 

References

References
↑1 well other than being a 2nd class citizen in the eyes of the law again.

Grumble, Grumble, Grumble

Today was a test of my patience. Nothing really awful but several unfortunate happenings found me in a particularly foul mood. A mood which seemed to only worsen as they day went by.

First, I get spurned at the gym by a hottie I’ve been oggling. Not the end of the world but a kick to id.

Then, I find someone has backed into my bike and cracked the side fin. Thankfully, the same fin that has been scratched before. I think they might have actually knocked it over as I discovered later my low beam headlight was out.

Lost my favorite shirt. It could be in the laundry but I don’t think so. I haven’t worn it lately. My own fault, I know.

Work starts off slow. An incident in policy occurs between myself and a field unit. It was a huge safety issue for the field unit. I called him on it and his reply was completely out of line, I made a complaint and management did nothing. I’m not sure why that surprised me. They don’t give a rats ass about us. Anything outside their immediate bubble of responsibility is shunned and avoided at all cost.

Of course, I get a barrage of cranky callers who are insolent and nasty. I almost cursed one lady out. I told another she needed to grow up. Not very civil servant like behavior to say the least.

To top it off, I read some posts on an employee forum whining about how victimized they are and how the [Union] chapter was doing nothing. Well that just set me on fire. I bust my ass to defend my coworkers. I don’t get paid for it and it eats up a lot of free time. And frankly, I’m good at it. [1]not arrogance just confidence in my abilities I’ve gotten numerous punishments overturned and/or reduced. Management knows if I’m involved they better have their ducks in a row or I’m gonna have a field day tearing it apart. Anyway, I wrote a very scathing reply, thought better of it, edited most of the bitterness out.

I’m home now. My mood is foul, my bed is empty, my libidio is up, and I’m not a happy camper. Thankfully, I’m starting a 3 day weekend.

References

References
↑1 not arrogance just confidence in my abilities

Grumpy Bumpy

Having one of those days…

Last night on the way home this stupid 811 (drunk) bitch walks right out in front of me.  I shit you not.  I’m not an expert rider by any means but I did manage not to hit her.  Only because the car next to me drove up onto the sidewalk which left me room to maneuver.  I managed not to drop the bike either.  Of course, nothing brings out my inner hick faster than stupidity.  I promptly parked my bike in traffic threw down my helmet and started spewing a string of curse words that would make a sailor’s mom turn red. [1]I was actually scared because even at 45mph, if I had hit her, she would have probably died.  It was the fright that had me so upset.  Her "companion" turns and starts cussing back so a 418 (verbal) breaks out.  I’m like, "bring it [insert string of obscenities]".  I call work as they are getting into a vehicle to drive away.  Naturally, the drunk one is driving.  They got all of 4 blocks before being pulled over by a black & white.  That’s called karma mother fuckers.

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I could not fall asleep last night to save my life.  I figured I’d take the opportunity to finish off Darkness on the Xbox.  I finished the game but still couldn’t sleep.  I tossed and turned the whole night.  Thankfully, it is my off day from the gym.  I get so irritated when I can’t get a good workout in.  Anyway, my buddy Frank was asking if something was on my mind.  *mental checklist*  Nope, mind is empty at the moment.  I’m chalking it up to too much caffeine.  I’m sure I’ll fall right to sleep tonight.  After a day of cranky citizens at work, I’m sure to be in chipper spirits later. hehehe

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And as if all that wasn’t bad enough, I got an email from one of my regular playbuddies this morning.  He woke up a couple days ago with a "drippy-drippy" so I had to run down to the clinic to get screened.  I don’t have any symptoms but I take my sexual health very seriously. [2]They treated me anyway since I was considered 1st line exposure blah blah blah. Nice of them.  But, that means no nookie for 7 days. Fuck me! How will I survive!  Of course, I get to send out two lovely emails to my most recent encounters.  Yes, that includes the fuzzy man from the previous post.  @#$%!  Oh, and the maids did come back, BTW.  I was already headed off to work but when I got home the apartment had been cleaned.  I know I shouldn’t giggle but I can’t help it.  I can only imagine what they told their husbands. 

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My day is off to a fine start, can’t ya tell?  As TFA would say, ‘it is what it is so deal with it‘.  Into every whore’s life a little rain must fall.  I guess life is saying to me, "TAG bitch, you’re it"!  lolol 

References

References
↑1 I was actually scared because even at 45mph, if I had hit her, she would have probably died.  It was the fright that had me so upset.
↑2 They treated me anyway since I was considered 1st line exposure blah blah blah. Nice of them.  But, that means no nookie for 7 days. Fuck me! How will I survive!

i-whatever

Is anyone else tired of hearing about the iphone?  Whoopee, so what you are buying a 2nd generation phone that should have been a 1st generation phone.  I’ll grant you it’s ‘purdy.  It still only does half the shit my Wing does. [1]Shhhh, don’t tell Adam, they went out and got one each today.  I was absolutely shocked (read tickled pink) when I read today Apple deliberately limited sales thru shitty Cingular  ‘the new AT&T’ stores.  For a company that totes their iphone as "the best new invention of the millennium", they sure are going to a lot of effort.  One would think a product that good would sell itself.  I’m just sayin’.

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The 4-day weekend is coming to a close.  I didn’t do a thing.  Probably a good thing as I wasn’t overly chipper at wasting a long weekend.  Surprisingly, all of my other friends were busy. (Doesn’t it always work out that way? lol)

Friday was a blur.  I did get a few chores done.  Beyond that, most of the day was spent catching up on Tivo and playing Darkness on the 360. 

Saturday, I drug myself out of the house to go see Hellboy II.  Overall, I enjoyed it.  The CGI and cinematography was excellent.  I ended up running into Roblog, Chuck and their friend Jeff.  They, like fools, sat with me.  The movie started late so we amused ourselves by geeking out and torturing Chuck in the process.  Anyway, if you liked the first one you’ll like this one.  The only part I didn’t like was the comedic banter.  They added a tad too much in my opinion.  It took away from the plot development. 

Today, I expected to wait around most of the day waiting on Comcast again. [2]They had to come back out to fix the problem they were supposed to fix last time. Imagine my surprise when they showed up on time.  I made it to the gym and got a good arm workout in.  The only other noteworthy occurrence was a hottie who normally ignores me said hello.  It was kinda odd.  The guy almost always seems to avoid me.  Of course, afterwards I wondered what exactly had changed.  Drove me nuts. 

Tomorrow, I’m supposed to meet w/the tattoo guy to talk about my new tattoo.  I’m almost finished with the design.  I need some ideas from him for filler hence, the meeting.  This guy is probably fed up with me by now but he hides it well. lol 

How was your weekend?

References

References
↑1 Shhhh, don’t tell Adam, they went out and got one each today.
↑2 They had to come back out to fix the problem they were supposed to fix last time.

Ouch Goes the Tongue

I can always tell when I’m on the verge of getting sick as my emotions go all bouncy bouncy. I’ve been feeling a little down the last few days. I’ve cut back on my gym time and been getting my ass to bed early. It has helped. Last night I took an Ambien and slept very soundly. This morning I still was feeling a little tired and someone said something to me and it just hit me the wrong way. I almost burst into tears. Twenty minutes later I was completely over it and not at all upset. [1]I think I’m PMS’ing. For guys it stands for Pansy Man Syndrome.

After a bigger than usual breakfast and then sushi with the roomie, I was feeling a lot better. The nagging itch in my throat is gone so hopefully I’m on the mend. I sure as hell hope so as I’m flying out to San Diego in a couple days to see TFA.

I did get a little good news today. My new replacement Xbox is arriving on Monday. It was actually due to arrive today but the stupid UPS guy didn’t show up so had to reschedule. Considering I’ll be out of town, the additional delay won’t kill me. I can’t wait to get back into playing Bioshock. I finished Ratched & Clank on the PS3 for the 2nd time so it couldn’t have come at a better time. *g*

Not much else to ramble about. My brain is feeling very empty at the moment.

**Update** Looks like he might be coming up to SF instead. The flights are all full from his trip back abroad and he would have trouble getting to SD before I did. I don’t really care. Here, there it’s all good as long I get to see him.

References

References
↑1 I think I’m PMS’ing. For guys it stands for Pansy Man Syndrome.

Still Blech

I feel better today. No sore throat or cough but I still feel icky. I also had NOOOO patience for the clerk today at Firewood in the Castro. Its the lunch time rush and there is a line of about 5 people. Naturally, only one guy was working the register. So, he finally gets to me then stops right after asking me what I wanted and took 2 to go orders. I snapped a curt response when he finally got back to me.

On a good note, I got paid today! My paycheck was more than I anticipated so I’m a step closer to digging myself out of the whole I’m in. Maybe there is hope for my mood after all.

Feeling Better

Well, It’s around 8:45 and I’m feeling better. My sore throat has almost disappeared completely. Just a touch of a cough so I’m hopeful this is the worst of it. *crosses fingers*

I tried to just take it easy and goof off. Went for lunch at Before & After, it was tasty as usual. I did end up going to the movies. I don’t recommend Darkness. Totally sucked! The few scary scenes were ruined by a very unconnected plot. Nothing makes sense till the very end and by that point you are over it. It definitely wasn’t worth the $8.00. And for me to say that, it really sucks!

So, I finally managed to venture out a bit. I made it down to Castro. Of course, as soon as I got here it started raining again. Not as bad as previous days but still yucky. Not to mention, these 3 rather large queens have parked themselves directly behind me while having a non stop tirade of criticisms of the sex ads on Craigs List. Being far from a prude myself, I’m not casting stones. However, 2 hours nonstop of “oh nice cock” and “great ass” and in the same breath, “oh he is a stuck up fag” or “he thinks he is too good for us” gets annoying to say the least. I wanted to say something incredibly tacky/caddy all in one breath but then thought again of my karma and how well its been treating me. I kept my mouth shut! That said, God! I hope I was never that desperate.

*dramatic pause while thinking back thru the years of my life*

Naaaah.

Blech

I’m not feeling well today. I came home last night w/sore throat. Today, the sore throat is just a dull throb but, I’m feeling irritable and cranky so decided to stay home. No gym today either. I find that if I cut back on my exertions up front, I tend to recover a lot quicker. I hope it doesn’t get any worse. I’m fortunate in that I rarely get sick. But when I do, OY vey! And to top it off, I’m a miserable sick person. I turn into a cranky toddler who wants everything now now NOW!

Of course, going out w/a friend drinking last night didn’t help any. However, he seems to have developed a stalker of sorts and needed some advice so how could I say no? *g*

So anyway, there is this little Thai place down the block from me, Before & After. They have the best seafood noodle soup. YUMMY! Maybe afterwards I’ll take in a movie. I still haven’t seen Darkness, White Noise, or National Treasure. None of which have made box office news but that’s never the point of going to a movie. It’s times like these I’m thankful I live in such a densely populated area of the city. Everything is within blocks.

On a side note, my ex finally got a job. (Tell it on the mountains, call down the saints!) He actually starts today.