Author: Moby

Preview

Today has been a blur up till now.  I got up late so of course I was running. [1]I’m absolutely beginning to hate my current schedule.  I made it to the gym thankfully.  While there, I noticed they put in the replacement steam room door.  It has to set overnight so I’m sure tomorrow the steam room will be standing room only. heehee 

Speaking of the gym, one of my two new future ex-husbands totally shot me down.  I was chatting him up and finally asked if he wanted to grab a bite sometime.  He said no.  *sniffle*  I guess the honeymoon is over.  I was chatting up another gym bud and he told me the guy is only into slim young smooth Asian boys.  I don’t fit any of that description.  Oh well, next!  The other future ex is a bust too.  I know that w/o even trying.  He is friendly but I’ve watched and he only flirts w/the big muscle boys.  I’m surprised he doesn’t work out more at the Brannan Gold’s where they all congregate. 

 

Poser

 

I finally got my hooves clipped and polished.  I’ve been blowing it off lately because of my schedule.  The girl I like is off the same days I am so makes it difficult.  She was so excited to see me. lol  She made me smile by noticing my muscles have increased a bit.  I totally could have kissed her.

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Pride is almost upon us.  As I was driving home from work tonight the Castro was overflowing.  I expect this year will be especially festive what with the recent gay rights ruling here in Cali.  And it should be.  It is high time we get some equality.  I’m looking forward to pride this year more than usual. 

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Oh, are you logged in?  You should be. 

References

References
↑1 I’m absolutely beginning to hate my current schedule.

Random Thoughts…

Stuff popping into my head lately.  I dunno either. 

It is hard being in love w/someone who can’t love you back.

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Facebook "is the devil!"

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I think I prefer someone ugly on the outside vs ugly on the inside.

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No, it is not ok to let your offspring run uncontrollably all over a restaurant and then get upset when someone else tells your brats to behave.

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No, it is not ok to throw your nasty filthy disgusting cigarette butts on the ground because you are too lazy to walk 2 feet to deposit it in a trash receptacle.

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If you break a medic gurney because of your weight, it might be time to go on a diet.  Just a thought oinker.

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Honesty is the new black.

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I’m really sorry my "lifestyle choice" is a threat to your marriage.  Sucks to be you though.

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Ooh, that feels good, do it again!

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A missed opportunity is like being shit on by a bird. 

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Yes, I know I’m going to hell for being gay but I thought all sins were equal in God’s eyes you big cocksucking hypocrite?

Back At It



Feeling better?

Originally uploaded by ibod8x5


I’m back in the saddle, so to speak. Today was my first day back at the gym. I’m still sniffling a little but all of the chest congestion is gone. I took it easy today and only got about half my normal work out in. My energy isn’t 100% yet so easing myself back into it. Nothing worse than getting better and then inadvertently sabotaging it w/too much physical exertion.

Speaking of the gym, I have not one but two new future ex-husbands. heehee One guy either just switched gyms or just moved here because I’ve never seen him before. He must have a similar schedule because I see him almost daily now. He doesn’t really give me any eye contact but that never stops me from drooling.

OH! I totally forgot. Adam/Brad saw “the hammer!” You can ask them how big it is.

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In other news, it is hot as hell here. A whopping 80 degrees! It is a veritable heat wave. Actually, it is in the low 70’s today which is much more bearable. I was chatting with my buddy Frank from Urswine Addiction and he mentioned it was 111 in Phoenix yesterday. Holy hell! I would literally dry up and blow away. AND, he works outside. He is a braver man than me. Course, all that physical labor has him looking all buff. There are worse fates.

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Even better, it is Friday and I’m back on my regular schedule for it. Speaking of, it is almost that time. Crap, time to go. TGIF boys (and girl). Have a whore-ific weekend.

Balance

Today was the last day of my teaching gig at work.  Thankfully, I’m back on my regular shift tomorrow and its Friday. 

Thanks to everyone who sent well-wishes.  I’m not quite sure if I have a cold, flu, or just a nasty sinus infection.  Whatever it is, it seems to be moving pretty quickly.  Yesterday I was absolutely miserable.  Today, I’m feeling a tad better. [1]The libido and my appetite are returning with a vengeance.   Still coughing/sneezing a bit but feeling better overall.  I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll be almost good as new again.  Of course, it didn’t help having to get up early all this week to teach class.  I could have at least lost some weight but didn’t lose even 1 pound.  Damn it!

I haven’t been to the gym once this week.  I feel fat even though I know I’m not (Missing the gym always makes me feel guilty, like a hooker in church).  There is always next week I guess.  The break might be a good thing.  I’m wondering if pushing myself so hard at the gym contributed to my abrupt snot fest. [2]That or too much naughtiness at bb’s 

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I got an interesting job offer this week.  It would be a short-term gig and my current employment would continue uninterrupted.   I know that sounds confusing.  "Lemme esplain."  There is a clause in our MOU that would allow me to become a Union Rep. for the Union (not for my individual chapter) for 3 months.  I would actually represent my department and 2 others.  It would be a very good experience for me.  The possible down side would be problems transitioning back into my current position.  My current rep. says it is all covered but I know how sneaky the management team is within my dept.  I could envision them trying to force me out of my seniority.  If I can’t get an iron-clad written agreement from the City DHR people, I won’t take it. 

The upside is I would learn a lot more about the inner workings of my Union, by-laws, labor laws, etc.  It would give me an incredible advantage when I came back as a Steward for my local chapter.  I would also be a 9 to 5’er for the duration.  I’m not too excited about getting up that early however, I could flex my hours to come in a tad later. It is still all very iffy at the moment but I’m curious to see how it will work out. 

References

References
↑1 The libido and my appetite are returning with a vengeance.
↑2 That or too much naughtiness at bb’s

Hack

Someone has repeatedly been trying to hack my calendar site.  I got a notice from my ISP a couple months back regarding an intrusion attempt on my calendar’s RSS feed.  I disabled that.  Today, I discovered a new ics file loaded into my calendar directory.  It was incorrectly formatted so the program wouldn’t run it.  However, a quick perusal of the base file showed a redirect command.  I googled the redirect site and it came back as a trojan.

Annoyed with the apparent software vulnerabilities, I nixed the entire program.  I did export my data file into Gcal (google’s version) beforehand.  As fates would have it, there is a nifty plug in for Thunderbird that lets me update and modify the Gcal version just as easily as I did my original.

Not than anyone really cares about my schedule…

Weekend

The weekend hasn’t been bad so far.  Uneventful overall.  Saturday, I stat around all day being lazy as usual.  I did make it out to sushi w/Adam & Brad.  They caught me up on all the days sight-seeing activities.  Apparently, they were none too impressed w/some of the snootier neighborhoods here.  Not that I can blame’em really.

Afterwards, we sat around at my place and geeked out online.  Poor things have been w/o internet since they got here so I was happy to share mine.  It was funny.  Brad’s flipping channels while Adam and I are both sitting w/our laptops out surfing and catching up online.  A veritable geek bonanza. lol

I sat around updating flickr and surfing online. [1]I didn’t realize how many pics I had.  I’ve only uploading about half of my total inventory so far.  The desire for food finally drove me outdoors.  I stopped by Firewood and was shamelessly flirting with a scruffy fucker till his lover walked in.  He could tell I was less than amused at being mislead.  Of course, I didn’t have to respond but still.  It felt duplicitous. 

Later, I had a get together and then a nice dinner w/one of my regulars.  He always wears me out.  *whew*

Oh btw, skip the Happening.  What a total waste of time.  It was awful enough I almost got up and walked out. 

References

References
↑1 I didn’t realize how many pics I had.  I’ve only uploading about half of my total inventory so far.

Community

I’m on my horse this week so I figured I’d keep it rolling.  I’ve blogged on this before but as always, the thought processes are ever-evolving.  Actually, I was reminded after having a flame war on twitter last night. [1]Ok, not really, we were just talking. But everyone does so love a good cat fight.  I’m referring to the word in the sense of the gay community. 

I hear all the time, "I’m not into the gay scene" or "I don’t really feel a part of the gay community".  Even better, "I just have nothing in common with those people."  Wha-wha-what?  Forgetting for a moment these statements are completely subjective, I have a newsflash for ya.  IF YOU ARE GAY, that makes you connected.  Does that mean you have to identify with everyone?  No.  Does that mean it should consume you?  Of course not.  Does being straight make all straight people cohesive?  Then why should we think that being gay will unite us all together?

Webster has several definitions for the word community but the one I find most applicable is as follows:

n: a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society. [2]http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/community

So we have a defining characteristic that makes us a community in this sense.  However, as mentioned, the word has several other meanings.  And herein lies the distinction lost, IMHO. [3]I originally listed out every definition and then re-thought it.  Just click the damn lick above already.  Whether thru simple misunderstanding or misapplication, we have begun to assume the wrong definition of "community" to describe ourselves.  Maybe because we want to belong but don’t feel like we do.  Boy, am I an expert on that one.  I would argue that most of the LGBT community doesn’t really identify with any of the more visible sub-cultures or stereotypes.  But because the latter tend to be more visible, we incorrectly assume a lack of connection.  There are other factors that come into play however, for the sake of brevity we’ll stick to the topic at hand. (I do so love to hear myself talk don’t I?)

Where does that leave us?  Well, you can continue to distance yourself out of fear or you can decide that you are not a victim.  I know, I know it is easier to play the victim when you feel cut off and alone.  Been there, done that, still have the Tshirt.  Here is another newsflash for ya.  No one can make you feel inferior w/o your permission.  And, hiding behind ineffectual coping mechanisms is not the answer either.   Happiness is not a guarantee.  It is up to you to get off your butt and pursue it.  It doesn’t take courage or bravery or any of that other shit.  All it takes is effort. 

Let go of the outside-looking-in mentality and join the rest of the community in celebration of life and the struggle for our freedoms. 

References

References
↑1 Ok, not really, we were just talking. But everyone does so love a good cat fight.
↑2 http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/community
↑3 I originally listed out every definition and then re-thought it.  Just click the damn lick above already.

Kudos

I thought I’d take a break from the random hate mail I get and post a nice one.  I’ve taken the author’s info out for privacy.

Periodically I peruse through BIGMUSCLE (I’m not on there anymore) to see if I can find out a little more about the guys here in SF. I’m from NY and here via Southern California. I still live and work between here and San Diego. Since moving to California I have always felt out of my element. I often question myself and wonder if I am becoming jaded or if I’m just completely out of touch.Deep down I know that although many of my thoughts about the gay "community" are not the popular consensus…I’m really right on the mark.

  This morning I read "Points to Ponder" on your profile page and your three statements put to words much of what I think in my head and cannot summarize so eloquently. I smiled and was validated. Thank you for that. Everything you say in your profile is a perfect example of what being a "man" is all about.Its quite contrary to what so many gay men think a man is-The muscles,the hair,the clothes…the "group" that they belong to.Its seems as though you have taken responsibility for yourself and have taken the steps to be aware.If more men here had your attitude I would probably be more tempted to stay.Just wanted to thank you for making my day a little more interesting. I wish you all the best….I suspect you deserve only that.

I’ve already replied to the author w/my thanks.  The irony was his email was exactly what I needed as well.  You see, I sometimes wonder if it is just easier to be dysfunctional.  That way I wouldn’t feel so isolated at times.  I often refer to my belief that a lot of gay men [1]or folks in general fall into destructive habits out of an acute need to belong.  We all have an innate need to feel connected or to belong.  Whether we consciously recognize the desire isn’t so important for the topic of this post.  I think it is stronger or more pronounced for gay men because of the stigma of growing up gay and 2nd class citizens.  I know in my own case it has been a crippling force in my life that I still battle with.  Anyway, I needed a little confirmation that I wasn’t alone in my desire to rise above.  Just a simple little email is all it took.   

References

References
↑1 or folks in general

Ooopsie!

I’m at the showers in the gym today.  Two of the employees are inside working on the steam room door (which is glass).  Of course, being the steam room was closed the entire area was deserted except for me.  Anyway, the duo seems to be trying to adjust the door as the bottom is scraping the floor a tad bit. 

I’m watching in earnest thinking to myself, "this is not gonna end well."  Sure enough, not even 5 minutes later the door shatters into a million pieces.  I was a little dumb-founded.  Even as I’m thinking it, I hadn’t quite wrapped my head around the actual idea they would break the door.  lol   Being tempered glass, they both came away with just a few minor abrasions.