Category: humor

Cartman Meets His Match

I couldn’t help myself. I was blogrolling and discovered are you effin’ kidding me who had a link to the create your own SouthPark character website.

Ladies and Gentleman, hobo’s and tramps, crossed-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants. I present to you the newest South Park character:

Wilton Mobius Nelson III (meaning I made three attempts before I got one I liked)

aka Mober

Mober

His purpose: Protect Kenny
His superpower: Can blow the balls off any mofo who gets in his way
His anathema: Ignunce

Friends of A Feather

My dearest friend Tim sent me this email this morning and instructed me to share it will all of you, my dear dear readers. He apparently got it from one of you, and he sends his thanks.

Found this by searching through some of the contacts on your blog – so you have no one to blame but yourself

Monday, March 21, 2005
What are you reading?
Via Fragmentary Blue:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

OK, I knew you were busy so I have posted the three sentences for you, you just copy them and put them on your blog because I knew which book would be closest to you, here are the sentences

See Dick Run

Run Dick Run

Dick is a good runner

You are more than welcome.

Tim

Ahhh, the love of good friends. *mental note – remove Tim from the Xmas card list*

😛

Confuscious Say….

…man you fart in church have his one p(h)ew. *g*

Ok, so I’m plodding away thru the php code and slowly grasping the dynamics of it. My new design is going to require some heavy rewrites of the code so it probably won’t be up this week. I’m sticking w/the default design until I switch over. So far, I’m of the mindset PHP is OVERLY complex however, I’m still a newbie at it. I realize it offers some great modularity however, it seems the same could be accomplished w/xhtml and my mysql. Don’t quote me.

I am feeling better today finally. I think I’m finally on the mend. I don’t plan on doing anything this weekend to jepordize that either.

Judge Jack

I’m still felling icky today but thankfully I’ve been spared the high fevers everyone else seems to be getting w/this crap.

Trying to keep my mind on other things I stumbled across this headline from the Sf Chronicle. Remember the Jack’n Judge? You know the guy using a pump to masterbate under his bench during cases. Looks like his career came and went but is now possibly facing criminal charges.

“We’re certainly saddened by the thought that the prosecutor filed charges,” said Clark Brewster, Thompson’s attorney. “We thought all this was dealt with when he resigned. We didn’t feel like anything that was alleged rose to the level of criminal charges.”

Investigators later collected carpet samples, Thompson’s robes and the chair from behind the bench, and found semen, according to court records.

Foster told authorities she saw Thompson use the device almost daily during the August 2003 murder trial of Kurt Vomberg, a man accused of shaking a toddler to death. The case ended in a hung jury. The whooshing sound could be heard on Foster’s audiotape of the trial.

When jurors at the trial asked the judge about the sound, Thompson said he hadn’t heard it, but would listen for it.

Last time I checked, masturbating in public was still a crime in all 50 states.

Random Giggles, Ooohs, and Aaaahs!

You HAVE to skip over and read Homer’s Ode to the Nipple!

For all my scifi nuts, Steven Spielberg is directing the remake of Orsin Wells’ War of the Worlds! Can you believe it? WOW’s was one of the first scifi movies I saw growing up. Always thought it was well made for its time. I hope they deliver on the remake. Course, w/old Spiely in the directors chair, its bound to be over the top! The trailers can be seen in a bit larger format here. I soo es’cited!

Crazy – Quiz

So I’m just home from being a very bad boy (don’t ask) and I’m catching up on my blogrolling. I stopped by Roblog and discover his quiz. So I skip on over and take one myself. Here’s where I rated.

You are a SECF –Sober Emotional Constructive Follower.
This makes you a Hippie
You are passionate about your causes and steadfast in your commitments. Once you’ve made up your mind, no one can convince you otherwise. Your politics are left-leaning, and your lifestyle choices decidedly temperate and chaste.
You do tremendous work when focused, but usually you operate somewhat distracted. You blow hot and cold, and while you normally endeavor on the side of goodness and truth, you have a massive mean streak which is not to be taken lightly. You don’t get mad, you get even.

Please don’t get even with this web site. Of the 90117 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 10.4% are this type.

A good chunk of it is dead on but part if it is off. The title line is pretty close. I’ve always been odd this way. I tend to follow when I’m not sure of myself. Once I am, I take over and lead all the way. The first sentence is dead on me. The second sentence is close. I tend to be confident in my “rightness” until proven otherwise. Once you prove me wrong or in error, I will acquiesce. The third sentence is dead on except for the chaste part. Boy, they couldn’t have been more wrong! lololol The next two sentences are pretty accurate up until the massive mean streak. I do have a mean streak but by no means massive and I rarely get even. Closer to the mark would be, I lash out at those who hurt me and I have a sharp tongue that I’m not afraid to use.

Odd Day / “Edu-macated

Ever have one of those days where things just don’t go right? Yesterday was like that. It wasn’t a bad day per say. Things just seemed out of kilter. My schedule, normal tasks, errands,etc just got ‘messed up’. To sum it all up, I somehow managed to head off to work w/o wearing any undies. . .

Oh and to the dear kind soul who decided to anonymously write to me about my grammar (or lack thereof), I write that way on purpose silly. I know, I know, I’m probably not as edu-macated as you are.

Huk’ed on fonix wurkd 4 me. Try doing a spell check on that one, bi-atch!

Itty Bitty Details

Forgetting the depressing stuff for a moment, I’ve noticed I have this horrible habit of giving out extraneous details during conversation. For example, I’m having lunch today w/some friends in the Castro and I needed to go to the restroom to wash my hands. Instead of just saying “pardon me for a moment“, I had to give out all the details. “Excuse me, I need to run to use the bathroom and wash my hands.” Like they really cared WHY I was going. And not an hour later I did it again. We were walking by Walgreens and I’m like “I need to run into Walgreens real quick as I need to pick up some face cream and finger nail clippers”. I’m sure they could care less exactly what I needed. I can’t help but giggle here.

While I don’t necessarily consider this a character flaw per say, it can be annoying habit. I think part of it stems from the fact I am unconsciously a very open person. Unlike a lot of people, I don’t automatically erect personal barriers when around other people whether it be friend or stranger. I only do so when given a reason. Most people pick up on this and respond in one of two ways. They either tend to open up a bit more on their own or completely shut down.

Going psychotherapist for a moment, I’m sure it has something to do w/my childhood traumas. Well cancel the page for Dr. Phil, I think I figured that one out all by myself. Maybe the traumas added to my already open id, who knows. As far back as I can remember, I’ve had the same openness to me. Even as a child. (Thankfully, no one bad was around to take advantage of it) As an adult, it taught me some painful lessons about trusting too soon and being gullible. Lessons that probably would have been avoided had I been just a tad bit more cautious. Tell my friend Eric this story, he agrees all too readily it’s a character flaw. I choose not to see it that way. I think my openness adds to my overall appeal and value it. For all the times its hurt me, it has helped me four or five times that much in good things.

Embarrassing Moment?

You decide. I’m having lunch today in the Castro and I bump into a guy who I’ve…um…uh…known intimately shall we say. So anyway, he is with a trio of much older fellows. He discreetly tried to acknowledge my presence w/o alerting his companions. A move I always find amusing. So, I first began to think one of the trio was his boyfriend, his much OLDER boyfriend. Well, I was way wrong. They proceed to sit down behind me and have conversation. Of course, I could hear every word. Turns out, my ‘acquaintance’ was a porn star. He was with some ‘biz’ associates discussing his next movie. Now, I’m not big into porn per say. (No, really! I swear) I own 2 porn movies, both of which are on VHS. (side note, I haven’t owned a VCR since late 2002) Let me explain, its not that I don’t enjoy porn. If I see two (or more) hot guys going at and I’m not involved….friends, I’m not excited, I’m BITTER! I’d much rather be there. So, needless to say, I’m not always up on the who’s who of porn. [1]Tim, this post is just for you. Ring every bit of jealousy and enjoyment out of it that you can, by the way, what are we doing Thursday night?

As I’m leaving, I can’t help but sneak a glance around to see and sure enough he gives me the eye again. I’ll admit curiosity got the better of me and I googled gay porn and found a picture of him. His stage name is Chris Steele. I haven’t a clue how famous he is but he has made quite a few movies. I guess thats just another day in the life of a shamless huzzy living in SF.

References

References
↑1 Tim, this post is just for you. Ring every bit of jealousy and enjoyment out of it that you can, by the way, what are we doing Thursday night?