me – Page 70 – Moby Files: Blog

Get Thee Behind Me Satan…

So my muggy mood turned into the night from hell. I think I got salmonella or food poisoning. My back had been bothering me all day and then my stomach started acting up. I came home, took a nap, and woke up to a high fever and projectile vomit. I often tease people “I got demons all in me.” Well last night, I think it was true.

Having had a horrible case of salmonella poisoning quite a few years ago, I think it left me some antibodies. Instead of getting full blown sick w/all the fatigue and vomiting for days (sometimes weeks) on end, I get sick, throw it all up, and then improve rapidly. I’m just guessing here but I’m grateful. One thing is for sure, I don’t wanna go thru another night like last night.

Add to that, I have shittiest lumpiest mattress known to man. I had to get up and come sleep on the couch. I’ve been putting off buying a new mattress. Not anymore! Once I’m a tad more recovered (yeah I know it’s not good grammar), I’m getting my ass over to the mattress store, TODAY! Actually, Kentucky Tim is bringing me some soup. He needs to get some errands done too. Maybe that’ll motivate me to get off my ass.

Wish me luck.

A Past Not Forgotten

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my father’s death. For those of you long term readers, you know that his passing while sad was not overly traumatic for me. It did bring up many unresolved issues for me. Some of which I was able to resolve at the time. My father and I weren’t close considering our history. However, in the end, we did reach a sort of understanding and mutual respect for each other. One might even say love.

I look back today not w/sadness or regret. Nothing that was done can be undone. And while at times, I still resent the unnecessary hardships inflicted upon me by my family, I am grateful as well. Those hardships have helped mold me into the person I am today. Humility really is a good teacher. I never understood that as I child. As an adult, it is all too clear.

In slightly less depressing news, today is my Friday. I was only moderately bad last night. Home and in bed by 3:00am. This moring, I had a conversation w/someone which left me in very good spirits.

Kiss & Tell…

*another long winded rant, lord you are asking for it today. grab a sandwich*

Well, I’m flattered so many guys are interested in my love (or lust) life. I was taken aback by the flood of emails (and posts). *g* I was in such a good mood today I didn’t even mind the one very nasty email I got.

First, thank you sincerely to all the well-wishers. You solidify my optimistic belief in the kindness and compassion of humanity. (Being from the South, kindness is a biggie in my book.) Since I have yet to meet said person, I don’t plan on preemptively ruining it by blabbering my (and his) “biz-ness” all over my blog. I’m sure you can respect that even if you’re chomping at the bit to know. Like I said before. . . All good things ~~cum all over~~ come to those who wait.

I was really struck by the number of emails asking “what type of guy I’m hoping to land?” That’s not an easy question to answer. Especially, when I’m not hoping to land anyone. I’m open to a relationship however, I think ‘searching’ for one puts too much pressure on the interaction. And, I’m still growing as a person so it is really hard for me to answer w/any finality.

Continue reading Kiss & Tell…

Mirror Mirror

I couldn’t think of of a catchier title, cut me some slack. And I’m feeling a bit long-winded so grab a cup a joe.

Events as of late seem to be conspiring to make me take an outside view of myself. Let me preface with this statement. I’ve been kinda popular in the past two weeks. Guys have been crawling out of the woodwork. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m liking it. The point is these events have forced me to re-examine my self-image.

Encounter 1 involved a guy I’ve seen around town for years. Continue reading Mirror Mirror

Old Journals – 1.1.97

Everyone was so supportive, I thought I’d go for it. Over the coming month, I’ll probably post from several old journals. They are very scattered as I hadn’t really developed the skill for it nor the habit of writing consistently. However, that’s not really the point.

This one was taken from an old journal entry back in 1997. It was my first real forray into writing down my thoughts. A relationship that I never should have been in had just ended and I was alone, lonely, and miserable. A relationship that I’d moved across three states for,Houston to Boulder. I’d heard about journaling as a form of therapy and thought it might be helpful for me. It is unedited for grammar or content.*

*While writing this entry, I was sitting on a giant boulder overlooking a creek inside a canyan between the Flatirons in Boulder, CO. It was one of my favorite places to go and relax. It was called Dream Canyan.*

1.1.97
This is a journal I have always wanted to start but never have. It’s the first day of the new year. Pat has left for Atlanta & I am still here in Boulder, CO. I really don’t know why I have stayed but, here I am. I really like my job & I guess I ‘m afraid if I leave I wont’ be able to find another job like this one. I am making more now than I ever have before however, it is very expensive to live here. I am barely scraping by. I am thinking of moving to Denver w/Daniel. As roommates go, he is not bad. A slob but not bad. I would, at least, be able to become a part of the gay scene there. Boulder has no scene at all. Something has to change soon. I have given up alot for love on different occasiona & I just am not willing to do it again. I want to focus on my own life & hopefully get it together. I have started working out again. I would like to get my ass in shape. At least, to tone up and be firm. Not to please others but to please myself.
Continue reading Old Journals – 1.1.97

Looking Back

I’m considering publishing some of my old written journals on the blog.

I found one of my old written journals from about 1o years ago the other day while unpacking some boxes. It was around this time I realized my childhood insecurities were crippling me as an adult. To say I was dysfunctional is putting it mildy. I was a mess! Oddly enough, most of my entries were optimistic. Often yearning for a better life, somtimes realistic, sometimes very UNrealistic. I kept waiting for something or more astutely someone to happen to me. I hadn’t yet contemplated the term of self-acceptance. My self-esteem and self-image were so low as to be non-existent. I was very skinny in a muscle bound world of gay men. Skinny w/a big butt. (Well, I thought it was big but, in hindsight, it wasn’t so big.) Throw in a heavy dose of low self-worth courtesy of my stepmother and you have a recipe for the classic dysfunctional adult. Not surprisingly, I lived at the whim of my emotions and desires.

I must admit, I’m a bit apprehensive. It was a time in my life when morals were foreign to me. I did things I’m not proud of. I was self-centered and selfish w/o even realizing it. Course, it’s hard to be moral and self-righteous when you aren’t sure where you next meal is coming from.

If I am to put my money where my mouth is, I should do it. Maybe my mistakes can help someone else.

RSS Feed

I blogged a while back about adding a function to allow people to register for updates to the blog.

Instead of adding another plug-in, I decided to correct the error w/my RSS feed. I intentionally altered the link out of fear sp@m engines would use it. However, I’ve heard very little fallout over such tactics so I corrected it.

If you ever wanted to get the blog via RSS, the link is functional again. (bottom right of the sidebar)

Schedule

I get a lot emails asking about having my schedule online. Specifically, how open I am about it. My usual reply is my life isn’t so exciting I can’t allow outside observance. If anything, you get to see just how monotonous my life is at times.

For inquiring minds, I post it this way out of necessity. Being completely absent-minded at times, it makes for a much more punctual Moby. *g* Using my pda/phone, I can log in anytime from anywhere I get a cell connection to check my schedule if need be.

So there you have it. Not so glamorous huh?

Mini Guns

I had a good arm workout today and having nothing to rant about for a change, I thougt I’d post some shots of my “minis” as I like to call them. My biceps.

Likes?

It could be worse. I could have posted some long winded rant about stupid ass Cheney shooting one of his buddy’s in the face. Ney, too many other more profound bloggers are beating that horse for me.

God, I need some sunshine. . . oh well, at least you know, what you see is what you get.

Morals? Send Out A Search Party

Busy Busy Busy! Oy!

Got quite a few small tasks out of the way over my weekend. Don’t ya hate it when you get so many little tasks that it ends up taking the whole day to take care of’em? blech.

I also had a nice email conversation w/a fellow blogger this morning. That in itself is not newsworthy. I mention it because he said something that totally took me by surprise. He told me he thought I was an incredibly moral person. I was shocked at first because I don’t really see myself that way. Just the opposite in alot of ways actually. Having beat the term itself to death in a previous rant, I see no need to go over that again. But, having never been given a firm moral structure from my parents, I’ve had to seek out my own in life. A task that has been a bit daunting at times. And please don’t confuse my morality w/perfection. I happen to like some of my flaws and have no plans to change’em.

If you read my nonsense w/any regularity, you know that I often ramble about my growing pangs. I guess sometimes it takes an outside perspective to make you see something right in front of your face. I do have morals. And while they may not conform to currently accepted social norm, they serve me well. I call on them every day in one form or another.

Whodda thunk it? Me, moral. Gosh! It boggles the mind.