Ugh! II

Sometimes, I let my mouth run away w/me. Tonight, was case and point. I was catching up on my blogrolling and, as usual, Dunner always seems to come up w/engaging topics. One particular post was about the dangers of meth use vs the staggering deaths from legal tobacco and alcohol consumption. It is no secret I am anti-drug all the way. I’m usually of the mindset “all things in moderation” but, that does not apply when dealing w/deadly addictive substances such as tobacco, alcohol AND meth. I lost it after this particular response . . .

You’re so neo-prohibitionist it’s disgusting. How can you honestly take the stance that you’re pro-sexual freedom and then rant and rave about fucking tobacco and alcohol use? How is your desire to restrain others right to put what they want into their body different from fundamentalists trying to legislate away your right to put a cock in your ass or mouth? Tobacco and alcohol don’t lead to increases in HIV and meth use does. Long-term use of meth carries far more fatal side effects than a beer or a ciggie every now and then, yet you focus on an increasingly more absurd “war” against tobacco. What’s next, a ban on outdoor smoking? Or better yet lets follow the wonderful example of the 30 year “war on drugs” and ban it entirely. That’s just what this country needs more of, banned substances.

Excuse me? I was so stunned I had to read it twice to make sure I read it correctly. Rather than tie up Dunner’s blog (as I tend to do), I thought I’d bring it home and blather to my hearts content.

How is your desire to restrain others right to put what they want into their body different from fundamentalists trying to legislate away your right to put a cock in your ass or mouth?

Well let’s see, putting my cock in someone else’s ass, does not in itself, cause any lasting harm to either party. With the arrival of AIDS and super resistant ghonorrhea, etc, it certainly is riskier. However, if we plan on outlawing consensual sex, it should apply to both hetero- and homo- sexuals equally. And the “fundies” don’t care so much about harm as much as they do enforcing their own twisted propaganda.

Tobacco and alcohol don’t lead to increases in HIV and meth use does. Long-term use of meth carries far more fatal side effects than a beer or a ciggie every now and then, yet you focus on an increasingly more absurd “war” against tobacco.

While tobacco may not lead to increases in HIV, unless you are “dipping” there is no way you can indulge your habit outside your own home w/o polluting the airspace around you. Air space, I’m most often forced to endure. Are you so far removed from mainstream society that you have forgotten that alcohol has been repeatedly linked to an increase in risky behavior due to lowered inhibitions. And what about all the deaths caused from drunk drivers? I guess those don’t count because they aren’t related to HIV transmission and meth is.

Long-term use of meth carries far more fatal side effects than a beer or a ciggie every now and then

True, meth is a very insidious and destructive drug. It was recently discovered your body actually produces antibodies to meth. These means you must continually increase the dosage to get the same affects. No arguement there. But numbers don’t lie. Alcohol and tobacco related deaths far outnumber deaths caused by meth. Just because it is “legal’ does not mean it’s good for us. Nor should we as a society stand idly by why thousands die every year from ‘legal’ drugs.

But some reverse thinking might be in good order here. After all, if we remove all the “frivilous bans” on tobacco, alcohol, and meth, let’s go all the way. Let’s make everyone personally responsible for their actions. By that, I mean if you willfully choose to self-destruct, then I am not obligated to contribute or pay for your illness, treatment, and/or eventual death. That means no more insurance coverage for smoking or alcohol related illnesses. Think of all the money we’ll save. Why, we could divert those funds to so many other needy folks!

Such comments are foolish and hypocritical. Hopefully, my sarcasm has shown that to be the case. If not, I promise not to say ‘I told you so’ at your funeral.

A Day In The Life

I rarely talk about work so I thought today, I’d offer a glimpse into a typical ‘day at the office’. For any of you not in the know, the job that pays the bills is working as 911 dispatcher for Police/Fire/EMS. It can be very stressful at times especially now since we are so short staffed. Luckily enough, even w/staffing issues we get some downtime. This job definitely wears on you if you let it. Our building is relatively new. It’s only 6 years old. However, it runs 24/7 so things break or wear out often. Throw in, people being in the room constantly and you begin too see a not to neat picture. Our cleaning crews does a decent job of keeping us above pig status though. *g*

Here we see yours truly ready to start the day. (Or as ready as I’m ever gonna get. *g*) I don’t wear a uniform or have to dress up. I wear “civies” or civilian clothes. Usually, just tshirt and jeans. Thankfully, we aren’t required to dress up. It’s pointless, especially on days when you pull a 12 hour shift. A lot of agencies do require uniforms of the polo shirt variety. However, we would much rather spend said monies on better salaries/retirement for employees first. There may come a day when we ear uniforms but not anytime soon.


When given the time, we might check out the gym. It’s tiny by any standard but when you need a break from the drama, it comes in handy, yes indeedy! I forget who donated the TV and DVD player but it helps. We also have a very small washroom with one washer/dryer set. We have to pay but it’s on 50¢. Doesn’t work for me at all due to only having the motorcycle. For some it’s a godsend.


I’m not sure how I find anything in my locker but I manage. It usually varies from week to week. Often times, it’s crammed full of training materials. I’ve managed to offload most of my instruction booklets on the training department. They keep’em in much better shape than I do. What you don’t see is the full dressing room. We also have showers. They come in handy during long hours or emergency mobilizations. Recently, they’ve installed frosted shower curtains. Frankly, I don’t care to see the folks I work w/naked, even thur frosted plastic. eeeek!

Your tax dollars at work! Actually this is a skit. I’m always ragging my buddy Terris about his antics so we took this shot as a spoof. I can’t really take pics of the dispatch floor. I have security clearance to be in the room but, the state frowns on pictures that might reveal sensative info. This will have to be your floor view.

Of course, being a union rep, I have to stop by the bulletin board every day to check on any new drama. Since I’m the treasurer, I also post bulletins and memo’s regarding cash flow. Oh the joy right? Having been the butt of work related drama, I make an effort to maintain it. Employees need a place to turn for info. Some people are uncomfortable approaching a rep until they’ve figured out whether or not they have a legitimate beef. It also helps to know your rights in advance of a problem.

By day’s end, you really are looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. 911 is a thankless job. You get yelled at by citizens, officers, and every wacko who has a bone to pick. No one ever calls to say “thank you” or “great job”. We do make an effort to support each other. Sadly, we are often overlooked in the chain of events relating to critical incidents in the city. However, more and more every day, the powers that be realize we play a critical link in the first response chain. I’d love for it to be an overnight sensation but that’s not very practical. Slow but steady progress is always good in my book.

Not very glamorous is it? Most folks think our job is non-stop action and excitement. And while sometimes it can be, that’s usually not the case. But, like most civil servant positions, it’s stable work, w/great benefits. For many who are unemployed that is more than hoped.

Need a job? Check us out!

Moody Mofo

I’m horny and moody all at the same time. WTF?

Speaking of horny, one of my not so visible blog reads, geekslut has moved to SF. I can’t remember where I stumbled onto his blog but I liked the rawness of it. For the record, his blog is not for the faint of heart. He writes very graphical posts about his life and sexual encounters. If you have hangups regarding sexuality, you probably won’t enjoy reading.

I had my own more carnal blog for awhile but I got bored w/it. It seemed to be the same ole thing over and over agian. Trip’s to bb’s, random encounters in dark places, over and over again. Who reads that type of stuff? *g*

Anyway, geek has moved to SF and I’m looking forward to reading his new exploits.

Drivel

Complete and utter madness from the gutter that is my mind. . .

* I guy stopped me in Quizno’s yesterday and introduced himself. Apparently, he knew me thru my Tribe.net profile. However, he seemed to censure himself several times in conversation. I have a sneaky suspicion he knows me from one of my OTHER profiles. Anyway, friendly fellow. I’m always flattered when folks take the time to say hello.

* Speaking of other profiles, this guy hits me up twice over the period of about a week. Telling me “he’s seen me around” and “wants to get w/me.” We chat a bit and the weirdest conversation ensues about what sports I play and/or watch. In the end, he declines because I’m not “masculine” enough? Wei? I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair. He didn’t appreciate my humor. *giggle*

* My new myspace profile hit 1000 views this week. Not really sure what that means but I was excited for no apparent reason.

* My roommate has so much trade coming thru the apartment, I may have to install a revolving door and a turnstyle. (God love’em.) No, I’m not jealous. Ok, maybe a little. I miss having a life.

* I broke my webcam yesterday. How was I to know I couldn’t drop the new sewing machine on it? Jeez. Of course, this means I have to run out and buy a new one. Because you see sooo many video clips on my site, right? I should take a lesson from brettcajun and come up w/my own jiggy’s.

* Broke my beard trimmer yesterday. How was I to know it wouldn’t bounce? Anyway, I’m seriously considering purchasing the new Norelco body trimmer. (The website is fucking HI-larious!)

There you have it. A lot of nothing about nothing. Now I’m off to S, S & S. Oh wait, scratch the last S, I broke the trimmer. . .

Over it.

Ok, so all the mushiness of the past week has passed. I’m feeling almost like my old frisky self again. I’m off to see the new Superman on the Imax screen. I have mixed feelings about it as I loved the originals. I think they tried too hard to find a Reeve look-a-like. The bad part is he does sorta favor him but has softer lines. It makes him look boyish instead of manly, IMHO.

Of course, lots of rumors were flying during production about the new superman’s package. There was even talk of morphing it down a bit as it was so distracting. But who listens to such things? I mean, I’m certainly not going just to see his package. That would just be wrong.

****Update****

First, I recommend seeing the movie. I’m giving details w/o spoiling it so feel free to read on.

Ok, so I didn’t know much about the movie as I hadn’t really seen many of the previews. I stand by my original gripe. They made him too young looking. (They also made Lois younger too) Even though supposedly, this one occurs five years after the last one.

The #1 rule to making a good movie is make it believable. For a sequel, the story has to continue where it left off or have a good plausible explanation as to the differences. The movie should allow you to suspend disbelief enough to get wrapped up in it. They half succeeded. If you’ve never seen the originals, you’ll love this one instantly. If you did see the originals, you’ll probably feel like me and think it was a good movie but, it sucked ass as a sequel.

Oh, and the package was more pronounced than the original but not overwhelmingly so. Straight people have such a warped view of what a big package is. Jeesh! I came away feeling let down. *giggle*

And before I forget, the trailer for the new Spiderman 3 looks interesting to say the least!

Sigh III

My last post yesterday brought up a lot of painful memories. It’s no wonder I’m feeling more than a little lonely today. Yeah, I still yearn for a partner in life. Yeah, I’d love to find a love as strong as the first one. The cluster fuck w/Bent Collective shows I’m still willing. But should I sacrifice myself in the process? Should I conform and be a ‘good little faggot’ to save face within our community? Should I change who I am and pretend it’s all “ok”? Or, should I jump from one failed relationship to the next in the vain hope of finding some attention? (Say it w/me kiddies . . . C-O – d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-c-e!) Been there, done that, still have the t-shirt. I’ve done that most of my adult life and frankly, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of settling for second best. (And I think I’ve probably blathered on about this before but sometimes a horse needs a good beating.)

No, what this trip brought home to me is that I am unwilling to succomb to such an ugly emotion. I’ve seen firsthand what loneliness does to a person when left to fester in your soul. No, I will not conform. No, I will not change who I am just to be accepted. No, I will not look in every failed relationship for validation. Yes, I must face the possiblity that I may always be alone. But in the end, I’ll be able to say I found some self-respect. Something I’ve been lacking my whole life.

Coffee, Tea, or Me?

*this was written while on the plane home and it’s a long one…*

I’m out of movies on the flight. What better time to catch up on some blogging eh?

While I was out at Ranch Moby (catchy ain’t it? teehee), we went to see my dad’s grave. This is the first time I’ve actually been to the grave. If you remember I didn’t go back for the funeral since I’d just gotten back to SF from seeing him when he passed. After discovering they still haven’t put a gravestone up yet, I was more than a little mad. It’s been over a year and still no gravestone. As expected, the unity we found after dad’s death has evaporated. Both of the older siblings have stopped sending my little brother money. I told my little brother to start looking for one and get it installed. Even if means paying for it all by myself. I may not have been overly close to my father but this is just plain disrespectful. I find it ironic the one son who has the least reason to look after his affairs is the one making sure they are carried out. Ain’t that a pisser?

My brother is also going thru some domestic issues. I offered him my heart felt advice and it seems he actually took it. He texted me this afternoon saying he stood up for himself. Course, he also implied that meant the relationship was over. I’m proud of him either way. I only mention it as I am heartened to know, gay or straight, there are some experiences that crosses the divide and can be shared between us. It made me feel that much closer to him.

I also took a survey of the land and my youngest sibling is right. It is falling into disarray. The tractor was repossessed because the other 2 brothers have stopped making their share of the payments. The good news is it was in my dad’s name so it won’t fuck up my little brother’s credit. I’m too far away to be much physical help. Of course, this only serves to make me feel guilty. Especially, since we were originally supposed to spend my visit replacing a barbed wire fence. A fence in much need of replacing. I compromised. I told him I’d come back in October/November when the weather was cooler and we’d get it all done in one week. We’ll have to get some help. Fifty acres is too much for the two of us even if we had a tractor. Luckily enough, he and I both have friends that will pitch in. We’ll pay’em of course but they’d do it for free.
Continue reading Coffee, Tea, or Me?

Texas – Day 5 – Headed Home

Well, I’m back at the airport getting ready to head home. Things wrapped up way sooner than expected so I’m here early. Thankfully, there was very little drama involved w/this trip (so far). The only exception being BofA randomly blocking my debit card again. I think it’s time to switch banks. They rate top of the list in convenience but the rest of their service is going downhill.

Overall, the trip was successful. I didn’t do the bars or the nightlife this time around. The main focus was to see the brother. However, I got to renew one friendship and put to rest another that was sort of dragging along. I did squeeze a little shopping in as well so mission accomplished. I did come away w/some observations regarding the status of things w/the family. I need to sort it out before blathering on about it here though. The Galveston leg of my trip was a nice surprise. Completely unexpected and I think I’m still absorbing all of it. I have the feeling someone is trying to tell me something. And I’m doing my best to listen!

Tomorrow, I’m off to the Pride parade in SF to help w/the BCC booth. If you are gonna be in town, stop by and say howdy!

Deja Vu

Tonight I found myself sitting in the exact same spot where, 16 years ago, I almost took my life. I know you’re probably asking yourself, “WTF is he talking about?”. Well, I’m getting to it. And while it is a bit heavy, it’s on a good bent.

*

To start, let me back up a bit. I detoured thru Galveston today to pick up a friend who wanted to tag along w/me to see the clan. I’ve known Curtis going on 14 years now. I don’t often get to see him while I’m here so I figured I could kill two birds w/one stone. The bad news is he could only get one day off from work so I had to bring him back to Galveston. I originally planned to drive back into Houston and crash w/Trev however, the idea struck me to just get a cheapy hotel room and stay here. Galveston is actually 45 minutes closer to our place in the sticks. And yeah, I could have stayed w/Curtis but I was in a weird mood to be alone. Now I know why.

Isn’t it funny sometimes how life sorta plops you down somewhere w/o rhyme or reason. You are just toodling along and BAM! It hits you. It happened like that for me tonight. I didn’t spend much effort looking for a hotel. I grabbed the first one that looked good and showed “free wifi” on the marquee. As luck would have it, The Commoder Hotel fit the bill nicely. I park, drop the gear off, and then hit the beach. I’m walking out onto the dike to get a good blast of the water and salt air. At this point, I wasn’t really sure why my mood had turned so somber. I had a good day hanging out w/Curtis and the brother. Yet, I felt oddly familiar emotions boiling just beneath the surface of my id. I eventually chalked it up to old memories and kept walking. It wasn’t until I reached the end of the dike that it hit me.

This was the dike. The dike where 16 years ago I found myself seriously contemplating walking out into the ocean and just letting go of all the pain. I couldn’t believe it. How could I have forgotten? Better yet, what guided me to this very spot tonight? I stood there in complete disbelief at first. So many emotions fighting for dominance. I’m not really sure how long I stood there. After the shock wore off, I realized not only was I soaking wet (I’d been standing at the very end and the waves were splashing all over me), I was also crying. And as I stood there licking the salt water from my face, I realized I was crying not from sadness but happiness. Happy for so many reasons but the most obvious was that I had survived. Happy that I kept on going and made something of myself. Maybe not something great but something nonetheless. I sat down (after backing up a bit) and just let all the emotions wash over me. Towards the end, I began to feel a bit empty. I reached for my little piece of joy and there it was. Tucked away but still there as always just waiting for me to need it.

Ya know folks, I really have led a blessed life. Oh! And I think I realize now why I’m so drawn to the beach. It’s not just the waves and sun. It’s the connection that it reminds me of. The point in my life when I first found myself. How could I have missed that all these years.

No matter what happens tomorrow, this has been the best vacation I’ve ever taken.