Author: Moby

Connect

Oh look! Another post not Pup related! lolol

As technology becomes more pervasive, the ever present choice of connecting with my family on social networks keeps coming up. Up until now, it hasn’t really been much of an issue as most of the direct family I do assoicate with is not at all computer friendly. My youngest brother and I are the closest and he is and has been pretty much my only link to the rest of them. He asked me the other day if I was on FB. I guess in speaking with some of the cousins, they expressed an interest in connecting with me. I didn’t reply at the time but I’ve been pondering it ever since.

Growing up the way I did, I’ve been very disconnected from most of my extended family. When I did know them, it was rough and they knew it. They didn’t care a whit enough about me back then to intervene or offer up help so why do I need them now? Nor did they ever make an effort to reach out to me anytime since then. Now that social media has made it basically one-click access to my life, suddenly they’ve found an interest. I am struggling to find any value in that. Of course, my younger brother, being closer to many of them, sort of creates an unavoidable bridge. But is it a bridge I care to connect to?

To be clear, there is nothing in my life to hide. Just the opposite, I live openly and honestly. But at 42 years old I also have zero desire to hear the scandals, stories, and whispers about my life and/or actions. Ultimately, the question is do I feel a stronge enough connection to my extended family to weather said drama?

I don’t have an answer yet as I haven’t made up my mind.

Heard

It can be interesting hearing people have said things about you that have the tiniest kernel of truth or no truth at all. And unlike brettcajun, I don’t fly into fits of rage or hand-wringing as a result. :p There was a time when it would have gotten to me but not anymore. In the last few months I’ve heard a few gems I felt like sharing. And I will remark on how odd it seems they all happened within the span of a few months. lol Is there a horoscope entry there somewhere?

“He has an 11-inch penis.” And I shit you not, this not the first time someone has said that! While I’m certainly happy with my size, I ain’t no 11 inches! Back when Apple guy and I were together, a mutual friend apparently had me mixed up with someone else and while casually having a conversation with Apple guy, felt compelled to blurt out we’d had sex and he really liked my 11 inch penis. Needless to say, Apple guy set him straight on the subject. I was flattered but what the hell does one do with a monster like that? I mean the only persons who could handle it would probably already be a bit road-worn, if you catch my meaning. lol Hearing it again recently I can’t help but wonder if it comes from the same person? Regardless, I’m not even flattered it’s just bizarre.

“He has a habit of moving guys to SF and then dumping them.” Twisted truth that no longer resembles the truth is no longer truth. It is true all of the my last three significant relationships involved a man that lived elsewhere. That I moved them here and then dumped them would be categorically untrue. Not even close. lol The Pup and I laughed it off. He knows the truth and that is all that would ever matter to me.Even if he were concerned, he would have had the integrity to come and ask me directly.

“He’s only into white guys.” Nope. While I do find white guys more in my range, my attractions run the gambit. I’ve had many flavors over the years.

Perception can be a funny thing but one should also interject reason and logic at some point.

Fear

As far as I’ve come, I still battle with insecurities from time to time. Such is life as we all struggle with our demons. Ironically, it is something I’ve never really felt before.

Having struggled practically since birth, I unfortunately get a little suspicious when things seem to really be going my way. lol Yeah, that sounds a little jaded but I never said I wasn’t. Anyway, I keep worrying that something will happen with The Pup and it will all abruptly end. *sigh* I know it’s stupid but there it is. That’s why I said it was irrational. lol  Yes, it could be conditioning from previous trauma. Yes, it could just be my own insecurities. I get all that. But knowing it doesn’t just make it go away. But fear not dear reader. [1]See what I did there? LOL  I have found something that does in fact make it “go away.”

As previously mentioned, to know beyond a doubt that he feels like I do is an incredibly powerful feeling. I won’t lie it overwhelms me at times. [2]I’m a big ole softy inside and my emotions do get the better of me at times. It gives me a sense of comfort and contentment I’ve never felt. I’m also finding it gives me an added sense of confidence. Having never had that feeling, I think it is natural to become possessive and protective of said feeling. lol I never want it to end. I want it to last for the rest of my life. Again, this is an avenue where fear sneaks in; fear of losing that feeling.

I dare say I deserve to be happy. I’ve paid my dues and then some in life. I must have been awful in one of my previous lives because the payback in this one has been major!  But life isn’t about fair and even. While I like to think the universe is about balance, an every day life doesn’t always balance out. I need to remember that just because I had an awful start doesn’t guarantee a happy ending. I wish it weren’t true but it is. And so here again a fear can sneak in.

I refuse to let all these little fears rule me. They might have in the past but not anymore. I can be prey to them but not a victim. Life isn’t about fair, it is about living to the fullest and having enough wisdom to take advantage of any opportunities that come along. That’s how I see my new relationship with The Pup. It is an opportunity for me to make myself (and hopefully him) happy. I plan to pursue that opportunity as long as it exists. If that means the rest of my life, I’m ready. Game, set, MATCH!

I love you Pup. And given the opportunity, I’ll spend the rest of my life with you.

References

References
↑1 See what I did there? LOL
↑2 I’m a big ole softy inside and my emotions do get the better of me at times.

Russia

I rarely discuss current events here as one, not really what my blog is about and two, successful discourse these days seems to be all but impossible. Having had several discussions with friends and even a few blog readers asking my thoughts on it, I thought I’d weigh in.

First, there is no clean answer. It is a sticky convoluted problem. Every answer put forward so far hurts someone. So if you look at the least amount of harm caused vs potential success then you can sort of see a way forward.

The boycott of companies. I don’t support a boycott. Primarily, because it won’t do any good. Put – head doesn’t care about the fallout or damage he causes, he only cares about furthering an agenda. He doesn’t care if we boycott one company or all of them, he will continue his agenda unabated. This is Russia we’re talking about. It’s history speaks for itself. Frankly, I don’t see that we do all that much business with Russian companies to begin with. I’m sure we have some but as a consumer I just don’t see it. I also don’t believe that they have any influence at all over their government. They don’t have the lobbyists like we do here. They don’t have the buying power like greedy corps here. The vodka company has been a decent supporter of gay rights before and after this incident. Why is it fair to punish them when they have zero influence over their government? Plus, boycotts are becoming so common as to be pointless and ineffective IMO. Even if they make further strides to support us, I still don’t support our methodology. The end does not justify the means if we give up the ethical/moral high ground. I don’t see the extra media attention as justification either. Said attention could have been garnered in other ways.

Boycotting the Olympics. Why, so the Russian athletes can take home all the medals? No thanks. Many of these athletes work their whole lives for this. To deny them that would be just a wrong as what is being done to us. How does wronging others do us any benefit? If anything, I think it would create more animosity towards the LGBT community.

Moving the Olympics. I would support a measure if there were time. From a very pragmatic approach, there isn’t and they wouldn’t even consider it. It takes years to plan and prepare for said event. As much as I’d love it if they were willing to move it, it’s not gonna happen. Too many ripple effects for a cause that is not near and dear to their hearts. If it were an option, this would be the one to go with. It would embarrass Russia and Put – head in a major way. Sadly, I just don’t see it as a real option.

Banning Russia from the Olympics. While still causing harm to their athletes, it would send a very powerful message to the government. While I still don’t like the idea of denying athletes, many of whom are probably gay, it is the least damaging of the previous options. Sadly, I’m not even sure that would work. Put – head has some pretty hard line policies and I can’t honestly believe he’d change his mind.

Pressuring sponsors. This is probably the least likely to cause harm but also least effective. I’d support the effort but I’m having a hard time finding a positive net result.

I would push other countries into a united front against Russia. Then if they didn’t budge the IOC could resort to banning Russia from attending. To me this seems to be the most effective way to make a positive change before the Olympics. Granted, any athletes that get arrested for ‘propaganda’ would set off world wide repercussions. While I’d never wish that on anyone, I’d support any athlete who did it! And sadly, I am worried it is the only really effective way to make a difference over there. *sigh*

Observe

Just some random observations I’ve made as of late.  .  .

Old ladies don’t look when crossing the street but seem to suddenly look up when they are smack dab in the middle of the intersection.

Children under the age of 5 on flights should be sedated. .

A dog can fart and lick your face at the same time.

‘Chubby’ now means very large apparently.

Neon gas has a horrible smell

Cats can apparently defy gravity when a strange dog is near.

If you’re at the gym and discover you HAVE to do number 2, remember to lock the door.

Hot

Just home from an awesome weekend in Phoenix. More on that in another post this week.

I’ve fully adapted to life in SF because I did not do well in the heat. lol Literally, as I’m getting off the plane the heat was like being in a dry sauna. It didn’t help that they were having one of their hottest weeks on record either.

Growing up in the South, I am no stranger to hot weather.  I even lived on the beach for a number of years. But having been here over 12 years, I have definitely lost that former resilience. Just walking from the car to buildings while in Phoenix was a struggle for me over the weekend.

Ironically, getting back into SF via BART, it was in the low 70’s/high 60’s and it felt chilly after being in the heat for 4 days. hehehe

One

Well, I guess it was inevitable. I’ve gotten several questions on whether The Pup and I were planning to be in a monogamous LTR. I’m not sure why exactly it was a reoccurring question but whatevs. lol  One person’s implication was that if I really wanted it to work then I should be willing to give up being open. I guess all my gushing here and elsewhere has led some to think I’ve abandoned my previous rants in favor of this new relationship. If you read with any regularity you should know the answer to that question is no. If anything, my breaking my own rules has been the bane of my previous LTRs. lol  A huge part of why The Pup and I are getting along so well is because I haven’t abandoned what I want. To be perfectly frank, this was just as easy for us to assimilate as everything else has been between us. [1]ok, I’m bragging a little here. I just can’t get over how much he and I seem to agree on things so easily.

I support anyone’s right to be in a MLTR (Monogamous LTR)) but it is not for me and it is not something I want. I’d rather stay single than lock myself into something I don’t want. Yes, it is flexible and not an all or nothing agreement. Yes, it is important enough to me that I wouldn’t enter into an LTR with a restriction I didn’t want. If we weren’t on the same page then we wouldn’t be truly compatible.

Lawd knows, I’ve ranted here a plethora of times regarding my thoughts on the issue. We as gay men and women have the unique opportunity to set our own rules and standards. We are not bound by institutionalized traditions based on gender-discordant [2]my new term for straight couples relationships. While we can follow in their footsteps, we aren’t bound to. A subtle but important distinction. And the point of my rant today is The Pup and I are of one mind on the subject. It works for us. But because it works for us doesn’t mean that I insist that it works for everyone.That would be as equally foolish as those who insist monogamy is for everyone.

Many seem to think I’m against monogamy when I’m not. Just don’t expect me not to point out flaws in the rather common yet failed logic often used to justify the monogamous-only approach. I support it when it is based on a fundamental desire vs insecurities and a form of control.

Hopefully that should clear up any confusion on the subject. Smile

References

References
↑1 ok, I’m bragging a little here. I just can’t get over how much he and I seem to agree on things so easily.
↑2 my new term for straight couples

Werd

Everyone has been chomping at the bit for some updates on The Pup and I. Things are going exceedingly well. Actually, they are going better than I ever could have expected! In fact, we’ve even shared the L-word. hehehe

Truthfully, I couldn’t be more in love if I tried. It’s been just over 5 months now and if you’d told me I would feel this way back then I would have shrugged it off. We both started out ‘knowing‘ it wasn’t going anywhere at the time because we lived apart. My roomie teases me a bit about it because I was emphatic that it ‘wasn’t going anywhere.‘  Well, I guess I was wrong, to my delight. (You should log in btw)

I can’t even begin to explain how our connection feels to me. And while I said previously I wasn’t gonna spit out a bunch of platitudes this time around, I can say there have been many firsts in our growing relationship. At 42 years old one might say I’m a little jaded and I’ve definitely been around the block, so to be able to say their have been ‘firsts’ should tell you what a big deal it is for me.

As eluded to previously, we just fit together so incredibly well. We mesh so easily and w/o any effort. Never in my life have I had that with anyone. Of course, I’ve had compatibilities before but this goes deeper than I’ve ever experienced. It just flows between us. I’m not doing it justice in words. It feels so different that it feels like my first time in many ways. I know that probably sounds a bit cheesy but it does. I feel like a kid discovering a love connection for the first time.

The biggest and most compelling thing for me is when I look into his eyes. In his eyes I see the love that I feel shining back out at me. Yes, I said shining because that’s how it feels. I’ve had partners that I believed loved me but deep in my soul I never felt they were truly IN love with me. Big difference. And to be fair, maybe they were and it was my own doubts that kept me from knowing/seeing it. I fully admit it could have been just as much my hangups. Anyway, even when The Pup and I are apart now, I feel it. I feel that he loves me as much as I love him and it is an incredible feeling. To see what I feel reflected back at me is such an incredible thing. Sometimes it is overwhelming and I get all emotional. I know surprise right? I’m not gonna say ‘he’s the one‘ because I’ve said that before. Honestly, having said it before I feel like it would diminish how I really feel. But this one is different. That’s all I can say.

He describes it to me as being best friends as well as partners. Ironically, I’ve never really felt like any of my previous exes were my best friend. lol Of course, I’ve been friends with my exes while we were together yet, I never felt like any of them were my best friends. Actually, I tend to be closer to several of them now that we apart. TFA and I are very close now, closer than we ever were when we were together. [1]Speaking of, you better call me Mr! :p   Apple guy and I are also closer in many ways now. I still care for him and want him happy. I am often his sounding board. Primarily I think because he knows I’m under no obligation to tell him what he wants to hear vs what I think the truth really is. But I digress, I tend to agree with The Pup in that we are besties as well as partners.

So, I’m totally 100% unequivocally in love. After Apple guy I’d kind of given up on the idea honestly. I enjoy being single so it wasn’t a bad thing. But, to have this thing with The Pup sneak in on me in the most unobtrusive way and be so incredibly new and different from anything before has been amazeballs! And yes, to answer the question on many lips, he is moving here. He was already leaning this way before we met but now it’s for sure. [2]I always seem to import my boyfriends. I think that might be a post for another day.

The funnies part of this is we’ve known each other online for years. I think we originally discovered each other twitter. Anyway, we interacted a bit but it was never anything really persistent. He totally shot me down on more than one occasion when I tried to flirt with him too! *sounds of plane diving and crashing* Ok, to be fair, we did discuss it and from his perspective, we lived apart and had zero chance of doing anything so why bother. But yeah, he totally just scraped me off a few times.

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 Speaking of, you better call me Mr! :p
↑2 I always seem to import my boyfriends. I think that might be a post for another day.

101

DMV 101 that is. After a few random yet repeated issues with people not knowing basic traffic laws I’d thought I’d offer up a PSA. hehehe

No, you do not get to block an intersection because you couldn’t bear the idea of waiting on a light. You can’t legally pull into an intersection unless you can pull all the way thru it, including the crosswalks. The reasons why you got ‘trapped’ are irrelevant. If you get tagged by a red-light camera, it is a non-moving violation. If you get tagged by a cop, it is a moving violation and goes on your license. [1]or it can

No, you can’t pull into the opposite lane of traffic to go around a double parked vehicle while other cars are coming. You do not have the ‘right-of-way’ simply because you pulled into the opposite lane before the other car got close enough. If anything were to happen you are at fault.

No, you can’t text and drive no matter how slowly your car is moving.

No, you shouldn’t bicycle and text either. When you fly over your handlebars after hitting the MUNI tracks, you have no one to blame but yourself.

And lastly, No you can’t legally park in the MUNI bus stop and then be surprised you got a $250 ticket.

Now you know.

🙂

References

References
↑1 or it can

Safe

I got into a 418 [1]verbal altercation with a friend of a friend the other day on FB. It got rather disagreeable and he ended up blocking me. Not the point of my rant though.

He is a motorcycle rider like myself. He posted a pic of him and another friend of his riding their bikes on a sunny day wearing absolutely no protective gear. No helmets, not padding, nadda. I posted a half-joking comment asking where his gear was. My comment was, “Hmmm, this pic must be staged cause I don’t see your gear.” I added an lol and smiley face to emphasize I was teasing. He then proceeds to blow up my messages with all the reasons I’m an a**hole for even hinting he should be wearing gear.

Granted none of his excuses were remotely valid but he was right in that it is his choice. But I don’t think my polite nudge was rude or offensive. If he is stupid enough to ride w/o any gear, so be it. The part the struck me is how vociferous he was in his attack on me for suggesting he was being irresponsible. As if I somehow impugned his integrity. Whatevs. I was politely trying to encourage you to be more responsible. Shame on me right?

As for my interjection, I look at this way. If you ‘friend’ me on any social medium, you are inviting my feedback and comments. While I am respectful, I will often give you an honest opinion, even if it isn’t the one you want to hear.

References

References
↑1 verbal altercation