The follow up to my previous rant….
(San Francisco, California) Mayor Gavin Newsom says he is considering canceling the Castro district’s annual Halloween festivities in the future after a shooting wounded nine people and left another person injured in the ensuing panic.
. . . a big ole slut! I’m on day two and I’m just finished from an interesting encounter at Cafe Express. Cafe Express is a local joint I swore I’d never eat at again after getting a case of food poisoning about 8 years ago. If you read w/any regularity, you’ve heard mention of the first time I got salmonella poisoning. Well, I got it at Cafe Express. The manager was a complete ass when I politely tried to inform him two weeks later. Yeah, it took me that long to recover. I was a sick puppy. So long story short, I showed him who could be the bigger ass before I left. (In my defense, I was a bit younger and prone to loud outbursts of anger to get my point across…oh wait, I still do that, nevermind.) Anyway, after driving around for 45 minutes trying to decide what to eat for lunch (sometimes too many choices is NOT a good thing), I decided to give’em another whirl. I almost didn’t recognize the place. Different interior and different menu all together. The meal was good. And the chicken was definitely cooked so no worries on a repeat case. It’s after the meal that’s the “meat and potatoes” of this post.
I’m sitting at my booth w/the laptop out catching up on some work from the BCC. (Yes the committee chair FINALLY sent me some work to do.) I glance up to see this rather strapping fellow looking at me. I didn’t think much of it and went back to work. A few minutes later, I see said fellow still looking and his hand is mysteriously absent below his table. Of course, being the opportunist that I am, I couldn’t let such a good opportunity go to waste. I’m giggling at this point thinking to myself, “only me”. Fast forward 20 minutes later, I’m at his place (which just happened to be around the corner) giving him a pickle tickle. A fun spontaneous encounter. In a word, HOT!
The only minus was afterwards he wanted to ‘get to know me’. Ugh! I had already explained I was visiting from SF and just in town for the week. What was he hoping for? I sorta tuned him out while getting dressed but in all the hubub I hear the words “long distance relationship”. *battle sirens noise* Red ALERT – ALL HANDS TO BATTLE STATIONS! Why did he have to go and ruin it? Here we just had a nice fun encounter doing the horizontal mambo and he goes and mentions the R word. Run Todo Run!
Oddly enough, I got more errands done today than I did all of last week at home. How’s that for comedy? I got some laundry done. Yes, I did the shameful act of packing dirty clothes. You know how much I love doing laundry. However, I also packed very light so I could get some shopping in while I’m here. I got 6 new pair of undies and socks, courtesy of the local Marshalls outlet. I also stopped by Radio Shack and pick up an adapter for the phone. So now, I’m back at Starbucks getting my updates in. Trev is off soon and we’ll head off to the gym. I haven’t been in a few days and I’m itchin’ for a good workout.
I blog often about my struggle to be a better person. Sometimes I’m successful, others times no so much. But I try.
A while back I had to push someone out of my life. He didn’t understand why. And rather than use the experience to refocus his own life and make changes for the better, he has let insecurities from childhood cripple any chance of growing from it. Lately, we’ve sorta crossed paths. He goes out of his way to snub me, which is understandable. But now, since his attempts to draw me into an argument failed, he has resorted to emailing me about how great his life is and how “I” messed up. (And even though he isn’t supposed to read my blog anymore , I know he still does….I wasn’t born last night after all.) Anyway, if he has, in fact, done all these things he says then my efforts weren’t wasted. If his anger at me spurned him to take action and make changes for the better, nothing would make me happier.
Unfortunately, I don’t believe it. I think it’s just another ploy to lash out at me. Nothing I can do about it now though. I tried for many many years to help him move beyond his anger and resentment. I tried to explain things from a better perspective. Tried till I was blue in the face. It went in one ear and right out the other. So, I’m done now. Now, if he is to make anything of himself, it will have to be on his own. And maybe that’s how it should have been all along. I’m left to wonder if my help was a deterrent. My own growth didn’t come about until I sat down and examined my actions. No one was there to point me in the right direction. I had to figure it out for myself.
Ironically, my friend is a reminder of how far I’ve come in my own life. We grew up very similar in that we were both abused as children. Sure, I could spend my life bitter at the world for all the things I didn’t get, all the wrongs inflicted on me. But where would that leave me? What does it get me? Nothing. Well, except misery. And folks, misery begets misery. I watched misery eat ate my step-mother for years. I’m watching it play out between two of my brothers now. One brother by birth and the other by choice. Both equally sad. (The brother by birth is another story unto itself. I’ll crack it one of these days.)
I tend to be a “fixer”. I like to help people. One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in my life is there are some things you can’t fix if the person involved isn’t willing.
*Today’s little rant involves high school shinanigans so if you are above such things, feel free to skip it.*
I figured it was time to put my two cents in since everyone has been pounding my inbox for my views on it. I’m flattered so many of you value my thoughts. However, I encourage you to make up your own minds.
Some drama has been occuring in the blogworld as of late. And you know my feelings on drama. I stayed out of it as I felt it wasn’t really my fight. However, the fallout over it has involved me in a very real world way and I’m compelled to speak up. In a nutshell this little drama started over God of Biscuits feeling slighted by comments on Bent Collective’s blog. So, in return, he felt the need to strike back w/allegations of his own. Allegations that BC is a complete farse, it’s writers are one person and the blog itself is all lies. A tale w/all the makings of a high school bitch fight wouldn’t you say?
Continue reading Drama 102
Today has been a most unpleasant day.
I woke to find another close friend has gotten so sick he can barely get out of bed. Some people are just so damn hard-headed at times. Of course, he didn’t need to get this bad. Much of his discomfort could have been avoided had he expressed himself a bit more. Being a private person is a royal pain in the ass. Ok, I’m a tad angry as he was in pretty bad shape when I got there. My anger is not directed at him. He is a wonderfully kind friend and it hurt me to see him sink so low w/o reaching out to me. Or maybe he just needed to be a bit more direct. He did come to me a couple weeks ago w/a complaint of general malaise but this was far beyond that. Far beyond.
I had to swallow my pain and don my clinical hat which is hard to do when you care for someone. Even at the level of EMT, I could tell something was horribly wrong. I have my suspicions but no sense putting his biz out for the world to see. Of course, not having any insurance while going to school makes the situation all the worse. He had to go to the state hospital, being the only choice in said predicament, off we went. The stars must be aligned in his favor because he only waited about an hour to see a nurse who recognized the seriousness of his condition. She was kind and thoughtful.
When I left he was being wheeled in for tests. Another friend arrived in town and is w/him still. I’m hoping for the best.
As if that was not enough, I was scheduled to speak in front of the Board of Supervisors today regarding our upcoming labor contract for work. Being the only union officer that lived in the city, it was me or no one. I made it on time, even if I was a bit out of sorts. I gave a short killer speech as to the deplorable condition our center is in and left. I got my 15 minutes of fame today. In reality it was only 2 minutes and only aired on public access. Ok my 15 minutes of not so fame today.
I’m tired, hungry, and bitchy so I’m off to devoure half a carcass of something roasted and tasty.
One of the girls from work often refers to my boyfriends as a 909. Which is the police code for “meet with a citizen.”
My ex called me late last night. I’d actually just gotten home from work. Apparently, he and his new 909 had gotten into a big fight. He needed a place to hangout and vent I guess. He proceeded to tell me the nitty gritty as to what happened. I think he often shares details w/me that in most instances would make an ex a bit uncomfortable but it’s not really an issue for me. Besides, I’m nosey. I like hearing it.
I listened and offered my heart felt advice as to how I saw it. It’s always an issue of being right w/him. Based on his side of the story, I’d assume he was in the right. Of course, this made it harder for him to see a need to move beyond getting validation for that. hehehe. So I offered an explanation that it doesn’t really matter who is right if he hopes to work it out. And let me be frank, he’d rather cut off his fraking arm than admit he is wrong about something. However, he did seem to honestly listen and our chat did calm him down. I politely pointed out some of his rather difficult traits so he could try to see both sides of the picture. Whether it worked or not is none of my business.
He remarked that he thought the blog would be busy today. Meaning I’d post about it. I feel almost obligated to mention it now. And no, he doesn’t read my blog. While I may have a healthy view of my breakup w/him, I’m not so sure he can say the same.
I did notice that I didn’t feel any pangs of jealousy or hurt. I didn’t resent him for telling me stuff about him and his new 909. I actually felt good about it. And no, not because they were fighting. No, I felt good because I had a chance to help him correct his mistakes of the past. Namely, mistakes made w/me. Knowing this only serves to validate my principles. One, it validates that I truly did love him (and still do just differently now). Two, that I’ve moved beyond the pain and hurt he caused me way back when. It took me awhile. I can be just as stubborn at times, especially when I’m in the right. The difference, I think, is I can look beyond my self-righteousness to see the bigger picture. I just hope he learns to do the same thing.
Oh, I think it also is a boon for my Karma. Sure I could have used this opportunity to wreck havoc. But that would go against all the things that I am trying so hard to emulate and become as a man. So scratch another few points in the karma index!
I made it to the gym but my energy tanked right away so only got a half-ass workout in. My mood is as muggy as the weather today. I think I’m just worn out from my exertions as of late. Busy busy busy. Finding out my ride along for tomorrow got cancelled again didn’t help.
A buddy from work called me to see if I would co-sign a loan for him. That would be a big negative! One, I’m still recovering from my own debts incurred during the last relationship. Two, said friend tends to invite a large amount of drama into his life. Be it immaturity or blind stupidity, either way not my problem. Three, I have a distinct feeling there is more to the story than I’m hearing. *I may have been born at night but it wasn’t last night.*
Notice the Moby-ism on the left. Not sure who coined the phrase but I’ve taken it to heart throughout my life and it serves me well.
My new phone/pda hasn’t come yet. I’m anxious as all hell for it to show up. I’ve been so busy the Tivo is almost full. Maybe tonight I can catch up while I’m being tortured by domestic chores from hell! (I must have been rich in my previous life because I detest house work!) I’ll be so glad when I when the lotto so I can hire a houseboy. *mental note – play lotto*
I got a tickle out of the overwhelming response to my “dying to now” question. hehehe. May have to do that one again. I have tons of those little buggers floating around in my head.
OH! I almost forgot, I’m planning a little surprise for the blog. However, a new piece of hardware is required. It hasn’t shown up yet either. I got an email from Amazon saying it was delayed. Bumm-diddly.
Ok, I’m off to bend eager minds to my will.
Awhile back someone asked me to give my definition of drama. Webster’s dictionary gives one definition as “a situation or succession of events in real life having the dramatic impression or emotional effect characteristic of a play.”
I’d agree w/that however, I’d amend to include “any situation or problem thru action or inaction usually avoided w/a small amount personal reflection beforehand…”.
I think into everyone’s life some drama must fall. Otherwise, what’s the point of living. You learn nothing from a carefree existence. That said, having grown up in a drama-intense environment, I’ve learned while some cannot be avoided, most CAN. I find in most situations the drama is usually self-inflicted from a variety of causes. That is a rant for another day.
I bring it up today as I got a call this week from my best friend, Trev, back in TX. Apparently, my ex friend from here was back home and cornered Trev at the park. He then proceeded to tell Trev how horrible a person I am, how all I’ve ever done is hold him back, and how I constantly try to keep him beneath me. Ironically, my ex friend has always hated Trev as he felt threatened by his friendship w/me. Was he thinking Trev would suddenly say “you know, even though you’ve always been jealous and despised me, I think you’re right. I’m gonna dump Moby as a friend“? I’m sure you can guess that didn’t happen. However, Trev did call me to ask why he felt the need to share it w/him in the first place.
My first thought was to send my ex-friend an email but I’m reminded of my definition of drama. Knowing him as well as I do, his actions are a blatant attempt to strike back at me and to get me to respond to him. By doing so, I’m quite sure I’d be inviting more drama into my life once again. Of which, I don’t really need. Nor do I need to flesh out a problem he isn’t even capable of understanding.
So that’s my definition of drama. I reserve the right to append or amend at any time in the future as wisdom dictates. *g*
My glorious plan for a day spent packing is shot to hell! First, I slept 11 hours last night. (I can’t bitch though, I’ve been hitting the gym hard and my poor little muscles were tuckered out.) That puts me late getting started. I get to the gym, no surprises there. Get home and the apt complex is showing my apt later today. Naturally, I have to scramble to clean up the mess. I’ve been letting the apt sorta go to shit this last week because of the move. I haven’t even had lunch yet! arrrrgh! I have a date tonight at 7:00pm so the only packing I’ll be doing…uh nevermind.
So now my plan to pack all day is shot to hell. I know, “want some cheese w/that whine Moby?” All I have to say to that is…blow me.
I’m picking up the key to the new apt later today. I’m really excited about the move. Especially, knowing I don’t have to lug all this damn furniture around. I may have to develop a 24-hour case of swing flu on Sunday if I don’t get all the packing done. The movers are showing up bright and early on Monday morning. And since they get paid by the hour, me thinks I might have to call in sick. *oh, I’m feeling woozy already. Quick! Someone get me a mint julip!*
As if I didn’t have enough drama today, I get home to discover my building is on fire! Some idiot put their christmas tree out on their balcony and then someone caught the damn thing on fire.
I get home and the fire trucks are all around my building, I call work and they tell me what’s up. It’s 4 floors below me! Luckily enough, the sprinkler activated and put it out before the fire dept even showed up. People are so stupid. Why in god’s name would you put your christmas tree out on your balcony?