Strange

It’s always fun when speaking to a complete stranger and watching the look on their face here. I was standing next to a guy in the mirror at the gym locker room the other day. I started chatting with him just randomly. No flirting, just me being me. He gave me this perplexed look and actually said, “why are you talking to me?” My response, ‘well you’re standing next to me butt-naked in a mirror. I figured we could exchange conversation.”  He walked away somewhat wary, as if I had some ulterior motive.

I giggle to myself and went on about my day. I guess it is easy to wall yourself in Cities like SF. I mean you get bombarded by people with a cause, sign here, donate for this, save the tress…blah blah blah. And that’s before you even get to the panhandling homeless guys. lol So, I think it is natural that people learn to keep their shields up, so to speak.

It doesn’t phase me. I get a little disappointed obviously. But, being from the South, I’m gonna keep on doing what I keep on doing and that’s be me. Should you be perplexed or not understand, well that’s your issue.

Happy weekend all.

 

Smile

Roles

No not the dirty kind. Get out of my gutter. After my snafu with the Intense Debate plugin, I got a request from a reader on how I managed junk comments on my blog. The WordPress plug-in community is wonderfully diverse and there is usually a plug-in for almost anything.

Because I leave my blog open to new users as a requirement for 3rd-party log-ins like FB, Twitter, Google, etc, I get tons of fake users meant to get around my comment filters. Their tricks rarely work but I still have to occasionally go thru and delete all the fake accounts.

The easiest way I’ve found is thru a plug-in called Role Manager that defines the user account groups built into WordPress as Roles.  Each user group/roles has a break out of all the capabilities any user in the group/role can perform. Reading, posting, editing, deleting, etc. I find it a much easier way to manage my user base.

Anyway, it has a nifty feature where you can duplicate a user group/role and give it your own name and capabilities. I duped my subscriber list of real readers into its own group. This leaves the default subscriber user group/role to fill up with the fake accounts. When I get ready to delete the junk, I do a quick perusal for real new users and move them to the correct group. I’m then free to delete the rest en-masse.

Simple and effective.

Rev

It’s always nice when I can educate other drivers about motorcycle riders. Even if it starts out pissy.

The other day, I’m coming home from work. I pull up to a car at the light. And as I normally do, I rev my engine as I pass to let the cars know I’m coming. One lady didn’t understand this I guess. She happened to be next to me at the next light and decided to roll down her window and attempt to tell me off.

Lady: Why do you guys always do that? It’s so rude. Why do you have to roar your engine and be so disruptive!
Me: *After flicking open my helmet and smiling* Ma’am, we aren’t trying to be rude, we’re actually trying to be courteous and let you know we’re next to your vehicle. That way you don’t suddenly turn into us and run us over with a vehicle that is usually 4-6 times our size and weight.
Lady: *bewildered look and half open mouth attempting to formulate a new thought after abruptly having to discard the last intended one*
Lady: *more pause*
Lady: Oh. I didn’t know that. I always wondered why so many of you people [yes she really said you people] do that. Now it makes perfect sense. Thank you.

The ironic part of this whole things is at the very next intersection she turned right and almost ran over a cyclist!

I normally wouldn’t bring it up but having explained it to a buddy and another random car driver less than 2 months ago, I felt it was worthy of a PSA. If you live in a state like Cali, where lane-sharing is legal (or not) that motorcycle driver revving his engine next to you isn’t being a dick, he is trying not to get run over, have you pull into him, or open your car door unexpectedly and hit him. Yes some riders are total lane hogs and/or dicks but that doesn’t make us all bad.

And as many of us moto riders are fond to saying to each other when parting, ‘keep the shiny side up!

Contained

Continuing in the reflection from my last rant, I’m pondering if my independence is sometimes a hindrance to my dating life. I’ve had several folks comment off-hand recently about my independence. One night after dinner and conversation with a friend about breakups, he commented that I was very self-contained. This got the old noodle working and it stuck with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not worried that I’m not involved enough or giving enough w/potential bf’s or on dates. Not even  remotely.  No, I wonder if my ‘containment’ as it were could be the reason some guys feel intimidated or are afraid to approach me. I still can’t wrap my head around anyone thinking I could be intimidating. But more than a few people over the years have mentioned it to me. I still get surprised when anyone tells me they always wanted to say hi but were afraid to. So whether I intend it or not, there is obviously something to it. Even if it is a projection from the other person, something has to be triggering it. So now I’m wondering if my independence is part of that.

My friend, for the most part, was right. I am very self-contained. Growing up the way I did, I learned very early to take care of myself. Having few inhibitions, I also have no problems doing things solo. Pretty much anything I want to do, I can do alone if it strikes my fancy. I just don’t see a reason to avoid doing something I want to do because there is no one available at the time to do it with me.

Then you mix in that I’m not overly out in the community here, I wonder if the two combined give an appearance of aloofness. Let me back up a bit. I was very involved with the gay community when I first moved here. This gave me exposure to many of the long term gay residents here in SF.  I know many of them in varying degrees. Add in the gym, my motorcycle group, and yes even my shenanigans over the last 12 years and it becomes impossible not to get to know or know of a lot of the locals. Then there is also my odd work schedule. Because I usually work swing shift, I can’t always do many of the events or social gatherings that a lot of the locals attend. Fast forward to the present, I’m beginning to get the sense that I’m known by many but rarely seen. I wonder if this contributes to this sort of faux picture of me being aloof or unapproachable?

Actually, the more I think on it, the more I believe all of this together plays a big part of it. I’m dumbfounded that I could have missed it for so long. Obviously, they don’t read my blog! lol If they did, they’d see how completely open and approachable I am. All joking aside though, I’m still pondering this. I may need to beat it here some more in the future…

Surprised

Interesting share today.

I rant into a guy on the street the other day that I’ve had a crush on for some time. We always see each other at the gym, exchange glances and smiles.  I heard he had a partner so I never pursued it further. I run into him while walking Cooper one day and we stop to exchange pleasantries and formally introduce ourselves. There were some obvious sparks passing between us instantly. He was very sweet and charming. We talked for a bit before I confessed how handsome I thought he was. He returned the sentiment with a big smile. I asked if he was single. To his credit, he stated he was but that he was dating someone. With that news, I mentioned that I would normally give my number but wouldn’t because I didn’t want to intrude into his current situation.

He was visibly surprised and appreciative of my candor and unwillingness to put my own needs before respect. He told me outright he appreciated the respect. He got bonus points for loving Cooper immediately. lol Anyway, we continued to chat and flirt harmlessly for a bit more before going our separate ways. As we departed, he mentioned to me that if things didn’t work out he would very much like to reach out to me. I stated that would be very ok with me.

I got to thinking. How many other guys would have done the same? How many of you reading would have done the same? Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not inferring anything inappropriate or negative here. I’m sincerely curious if others would see it the same way I did. Some believe, ‘all is fair in love and war‘. And while I don’t necessarily cater to that belief, I’m not saying it is wrong or right. I’ve always admitted I’m an odd bird. I’m wired very different from a lot of people and I’m cool with that. And had my interest only been carnal, I wouldn’t have had a problem as long as that was allowed on his part.1

From my perspective, it would have been rude or disrespectful to try and muscle in on someone else’s potential partner. While not at a partner level, it was pretty obvious it was more than casual dating. To try and insert myself in a romantic sense just felt wrong to me. I’ve never been able to date more than one guy at a time. Dating2 to me implies intimacy and potential for more and I have never been able to split my affections like that. I know other guys who seem to have no problem managing multiple suitors and see no conflict with it. I’m not saying they are wrong, nor am I judging them. I’m just saying it is not for me, and conversely I wouldn’t do it to someone else.

  1. I’ve always seen the distinction between love and sex, so if you read me often this shouldn’t come as a surprise. []
  2. not a date but serious continuous dating []

Kind

It is amazing what a kind word to a stranger can do. I’ve mentioned here more than a few times that I try to do random acts of kindness.

Today, as I was showering off at the gym an older guy came in. He’s a regular and had been missing for over a few months. I’d seen him a while back and he didn’t look good. He’d obviously had some sort of medical episode and was recovering. While he has always been on the very lean side,  he looked like he’d put on a bit of muscle on his upper body. His skin had gained that healthy glow again and he basically was looking good.

I told him his upper body was looking good and he’d obviously been working hard. I swear, you could tell he almost started crying. You could see the admiration and gratitude in his face and his voice as he thanked me  repeatedly.

Just something so little and slight to me made someone’s day. You could see it put him in a better mood. And I should hope I look as good as he does at his age. He is probably mid to late 50’s and clearly takes care of his body. Anyway, do a random act of kindness today, this week, or just once a week every week. It may seem trivial and pointless but to the people on the receiving side, I’d bet money they see it a lot differently!

Oh, and you should be logged in. 🙂

 

 

Wear

So in a bit of shallowness, I’m probably the only gay guy who doesn’t like fancy underwear. By fancy I mean the alphabet of colors and cuts that seem to be prominent today. First, I am not bashing anyone, and if you comment keep it to the post not personal bias. kthanks. 

I just don’t get into perky panties as I like to call them. Granted, I also don’t wear the old school briefs that were often “generously” cut. lol I’d say it’s just my age but I’ve always disfavored them. Maybe it’s because I see them as flashy and I’m not a flashy kind of guy. I can see if you’re going to an event where your undies will be showing ie an underwear party, but in everyday life what is the point?

Me: I’m a standard boxer brief guy or commando. If I’m gonna wear undies, I want’em to fit w/o making me look like a WB cartoon character. I don’t need a bunch of cuts and rainbow of colors.

What about you? You a boxer, brief, or boxer-brief kind of guy? And if do you like the fancy ones, why?

Happy

Happy holidays to all of ya out there. I’m working today to help keep lala land safe. There will be tons of food at work. They day will start off slow and as we move into evening, the family fights will start. lol Once the newness wears off, you suddenly realize why you only see certain people once a year. hehehe

I hope you all have a warm, fuzzy and safe holiday whatever you celebrate. Be it Solstice, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, great spagetti monster, whatever! And if you’re going out with friends and/or family, please be safe. On the chance your holiday is a bit blue, consider yourself hugged from me. It’s just another day and will be over tomorrow.

For those of you who got xmas cards from me this year, I didn’t get to pop in my surprise. It was gonna be a pic of me and Cooper. Sadly, my printer decided to die a violent painful death and ruin my plans. I blame Apple guy. I’m not sure how but I know it’s all his fault! lol1

Oh and you should be logged in!

*

On a complete side rant, I’ve noticed more and more people who have given up (or cut way back) on traditional christmas celebrations. They all lament pretty much the same thing. It’s become a consumer frenzy of over-spending, often on items no one really needs and will be out-dated within just a few months. I’m not complaining about consumerism just the craziness that has grown up around it.2 I mention it because the holidays can be a hard time for a lot of folks. Whatever the reason, sometimes the holidays are just rough. I find that as I shift away from the traditional idea of christmas I no longer feel as much pressure around holidays. I used to get very sad on xmas if I was single. I’d feel lonely, pathetic, and like a total failure as a person. Granted, that was a time when I had bigger issues on my plate but you get my point. I just don’t put as many expectations on holidays anymore. Less expectations equals less pressure. Less pressure means less anxiety. So if you are someone who is having trouble finding holiday spirit this year, I hope my words help. At the end of the day, it’s all self-inflicted. You are not a failure, you are still a wonderful human being, regardless of your relationship status. I urge you to walk away from the hype, the fairy-tale story-lines, and just focus on the things you do have. I bet you’re better off than you realize.

Regardless, I wish you the best and as usual, I thank you for reading my madness.

🙂

  1. yes, he reads my blog :p []
  2. And don’t even get me started on the overnight, sometimes weekly waits in line for electronic devices that will be out-dated in just a few months. Seriously, WTF?! []

Here

Well, if you’re reading this, we are all still here. The world didn’t end because the Mayan’s decided to stop counting at 12.21.12. Of course, we already knew the other half of the planet already rotating into the 12.21.12 time zone is still there.

Now maybe all the end of the world crazies can move on and find something more useful to obsess about. Naaaaah

Now that it’s over (pun intended) I thought I’d share a funny story. While I’m leaving the gym yesterday, I’m walking thru the ‘hood and see a rather fugly MUNI driver standing on the corner1 making very strong advances to a female that was walking by.  He circles her, looking her up and down, making very direct and inappropriate comments to her in attempt to establish is manliness and land her number. Seriously, it was a spectacle to behold.

Getting a wild hair up my ass, I decided to teach him a lesson. As the female walks away in disgust, I walk up to him and proceed to do the exact same thing. I walk around him making comments, looking him up and down, asking for his number, his bus route, and how I can “get me some.” You can clearly see he is holding back the F-word as he gets more and more angry. Right when is about to totally lose his shit I lamented and said, “now you know how it feels don’t ya? It doesn’t feel very good when the shoe is on the other foot. You were totally disrespectful to that woman. You made an ass of yourself and she walked away thinking how disgusting you were. Next time try a little class or at very least don’t be so disrespectful.” I then turned and walked away while he was mumbling under his breath.

It is my hope that my rather controversial ploy taught him a lesson. I guarantee he’ll think twice before doing it in the Castro again. Several of my friends said I was lucky he didn’t assault me. I don’t see it that way. I think he was lucky he didn’t assault me. While I’d never pick a fight, I have no problem finishing one. Either way, I still hope he’ll be more respectful. 

  1. in his work uniform mind you []

Holiday

I had this post all written and ready to post but after the CT incident, I just had to update it. While most of us are bouncing around merry and gay this holiday season, others will be struggling with loss and depression. My heart goes out to the families of those who lost their children in such a senseless tragedy yesterday. I’ll save my thoughts on the issue for a later time but for the rest of us, no matter how down you are this holiday season, remember it can always be worse. Take stock in the gifts you do have. Moving on to the original post…

*

In my line of work I deal with a lot with the more depressing side of the holidays. Unfortunately, not everyone will have a very merry holiday this year. Some haven’t had one in years. And further still, a few might take drastic measures to escape their pain.

It may seem silly to some but I always try to do something nice for others over the holidays. I like to think I do nice things for others year round but you get the point I’m trying to make. Lord knows last season I was pretty depressed myself. And while I had good reason to be upset, things weren’t really all that bad in the scope of things. I have a roof over my head, money in my pocket, food in my belly, and friends (an family) that love me. Not everyone will be able to even say that this year. So while I may not be buying shiny gifts, I am pretty content.1

Anyway, I’ll be working xmas again this year. I don’t mind working as one, they pay me well and two, I like helping out. For all my bitching about the bureaucracy, I love my job. I like helping people. I’d hope that those of you out there who have a lot would take time to help someone less fortunate. Be it donations, volunteering, etc you can make a difference in someone else’s life. Often times something so little can mean so much to others. I urge you to remember the ‘spirit of giving‘ isn’t so much about things and presents.

And if you are someone who is struggling to find spirit or just survive the holiday blues, please take heart, in the grand scale of things it is just another day. The world spins and life moves just like the day before and will again the day after. *hugs*

I wish all of you out there a very Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

PS. Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful xmas cards! I was really surprised on how many of you sent them in to me. 🙂 I’m doing my last batch soon if anyone is left who wants one.

  1. My swapping the iPad for the Nexus was pretty much my present to myself. []