Category: me

Freedom

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The recent fallout over the PR lady poking fun of AIDS in Africa and the phoney character from that stupid duck show both illustrate my point.

First of all, freedom of speech in our constitution is meant to protect citizens from government censorship. The first amendment is not relevant to either of these situations so whining about their ‘freedoms’ being violated just shows a lack of understanding. It also shows cowardice in trying to hide behind biased comments as “freedom of speech” in an attempt to avoid any repercussions for said speech.

If you’ve been living under a rock, a PR lady for a rather large umbrella company posted a tweet making fun of going to Africa and inferring she wouldn’t get AIDS because she was white. She was fired from her job for it. Many felt she deserved it, others felt she didn’t really say anything wrong. The latter being based on an erroneous belief that Africa has a large percentage of HIV+ individuals that are black. As if that makes her heinous comments about being white ok.

The other example, a completely contrived character from a ‘reality TV’ show went on a long nasty tirade about gays and religion in an interview for a magazine. He was kicked off the show for it. Several side drama stories have ensued as well. The show might even get canceled because now the other phoney characters are threatening to boycott filming. Oh what a tragedy to our national IQ that would be. /sarcasm

Getting fired from your job for making racist or homophobic comments, however innocent you might have meant them in your ignorance, is not a violation of your first amendment rights.

The moral boys and girls?
Words have consequences, good and bad. Think before you speak.

Even

Continuing in my random thought rants, and for you beard/mustache groomers out there, ever get that perfect self cut or trim? Ain’t it grand?
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I was trimming my wiry beard and shaving my neck fuzz the other day and I got the perfect trim to it. Yes, I know, riveting news! hehehe  I never seem to shave both sides evenly. One side always looks a tiny bit off and no matter how hard I try, it only seems to make it worse. One side is either lower or seems to have a dent in the shave line. That or the line angle along my jaw always seems a bit off. [1]I shave from under my goatee outwards  Of course, no one ever notices it. It’s always tiny deviations that I only seem to notice.

Well, the other day I got it perfect! The width was the same, the lines were even and angled the same. I was so proud of my little endeavor. Can I get an ‘amen’?  heehee

References

References
↑1 I shave from under my goatee outwards

Thinker

After my last few posts, a reader asked me how is it that I always find time to examine my behaviors. To be clear, I don’t do it in the moment most often. It’s usually afterwards that I go over things in my mind. I will make a mental note of things that occur to me on the fly, so to speak, but overall I don’t spend every moment reviewing my actions.

I admit this gave me a giggle because having not met me in person, I can see where this perception my develop. You have to keep in mind the blog has always been a brainstorming white board for my growth and behavior. I think I get so mired in my self-analysis sometimes that I forget to let the rest of my character shine thru. I’m much more relaxed and free-spirited in person. Anyone who’s met me will tell you I can talk your ears off about any and everything, if you let me. My humor tends to be more pronounced as well. Unlike a certain blogger we know, I don’t try to cultivate an image of myself online that doesn’t exist in reality. hehehe

Beyond that, the blog is the biggest culprit. It has fundamentally changed my thought patterns and helped me to be more analytical and what I like to think is more objective. People ask me all the time why I still blog. Well there’s your answer.

Reflect

131-picsayContinuing in my cruise posts (This should be the last one, I think. lol), I did some reflection while I was away. Some things sort of popped out and grabbed my attention while others were just subtle moments of clarity. I was particularly aware of how our culture was represented in micro-communities. I guess that makes sense. You squeeze almost 3 thousand gay men on a boat, you’re gonna see a snapshot of varied sub cultures. I guess in some ways I was pleasantly surprised. This wasn’t my first cruise but it was my first gay cruise. I expected it to be all middle aged white guys grasping at their lost youth. I know that is a negative view and I’m not even sure why I thought it would be like that. [1]We’ll save that nut to crack for a later day. But it wasn’t and that’s a good thing. Hehe  Seeing the diversity of folks on board was oddly reassuring.

More subtle were some of the changes I’ve wrought in myself over the years. I interacted with random guys pretty much every day. And while that would have been true at any point in my life, the internal dialog was very different. No bouts of doubt or insecurity. No envy or feeling left out. Nothing negative at all. I know I harp on this a lot but it represents a fundamental shift in my id and attitudes. I strive to keep myself on a path of healthy thoughts. The cruise reaffirmed my success at that goal. I also noticed the difference in my maturity. Trev, Mikey, and I have known each other for 20 years and looking back on our beginnings and now, I could see my own maturation. [2]My big word of the day! It was a very nice, and yet surreal, feeling. You reflect on old memories and then overlay them with the present.

There was a drug component, which is always my biggest hurdle in participating in gay – only events.  But, it wasn’t as bad as I projected. I will say it soured a couple of my interactions with some pretty hot guys but beyond that it was only a small blip on my radar. I had been very worried this would spoil my fun. I was as incorrigible as always mind you.

In many ways, the trip made me appreciate my life. As it got closer and closer, I found that the idea of needing to get away less compelling. I’ve become a big fan of mediation and while on the trip I continued my meditation exercises. Yeah, I know to some that’s new age hocus pocus but it works for me.  Being able to meditate grounds me and helps keep everything around me in check. I appreciated and enjoyed the trip as a temporary diversion from life but I fully recognized it was a diversion. It wasn’t so much of an escape from reality as a release of energy. Once that energy was released, I was ready for home. I’m beginning to think this is why I no longer enjoy long vacations.

Anyway, the picture is an album link to a variety of pics. Some are flattering, others not so much. Most of the pics were from Port days or the dance parties. Feel free to skip over the scenery pics, I realize we all get bored with those pretty quickly.

I saw a kid that reminded me so much of me it was kinda scary. He was young, scrawny, and totally out of his element in many ways. But, and I say that with a big pause, he had something I didn’t have back then, self-awareness. Seeing him work that to his advantage made me a bit envious. I’ll probably devote a later post to this subject as I have a lot to say here but don’t wanna go off topic too much.

Hanging with Trevan and Mikey is pretty much as it has always been. Our friendships don’t take a lot of work, they just are. The cruise was supposed to have a fourth but ended up being just the three of us. We were snotty, bitchy, and caddy to each other as if we’d just seen each other yesterday. I missed them more than I realize and the trip together made me see that. I’ve been wrapped in my own problems/world for the last few years. Being out and about again was very healthy for my soul.

It’s ironic that I took a trip to get away and came away from the experience with a better perspective of my life and priorities.

References

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↑1 We’ll save that nut to crack for a later day.
↑2 My big word of the day!

Passport

My biggest yet completely arbitrary complaint on the cruise is I couldn’t get my passport stamped in either city. They simply just don’t do it. I asked several times to no avail. I so wanted a stamp on my passport to show I was now officially a world traveler and it was ruined by the tourist industry being so reliable! lol Damn hippies. Heehee Seriously though, I was rather disappointed.

The cruise went to Mexico via Cabo and Puerta Vallarta. One day in Cabo and two days in PV. The boat itself was kind of an odd configuration of gaudy and tacky all in one. It made for fun conversation and fodder for several of the on-board comedians though. Speaking of, I got to see the ghayto-fabulous Kathy Griffin. She was funnier than ever with a routine totally geared toward ripping gays and their sexual proclivities. I think I busted a seam I was laughing so hard. Of course, the boat had a dance party planned every day. Some were Tea dances and others were just dances. Some were costume style, others were just based on the style of music. Beyond the parties, there were a variety of comedy shows. Dixie Longate and Miss Richland 1981 were both in attendance. The trifecta would have been complete if Miss Coco Peru had been on board. Lest I forget, Deborah Cox was on board as well. Kathy was the highlight for me, but all of the shows were very good.

Cabo was somewhat depressing. I didn’t see the whole city obviously, but what I did see made me sad and angry. Unless you go for the fishing or ocean expeditions, you probably won’t enjoy it.  Well, unless you stay on the boardwalk which is lined with restaurants, shops, and high-end brand name stores. The rest of the city appears to live in abject poverty. The moment we stepped off the boat we were bombarded with ‘vendors’ practically begging for sales of tiny and or useless trinkets. I admit it was a big shock. Children coming up and asking to sell chic-let gum was saddening. The vendors weren’t shy about telling you they needed the money either. We aren’t talking 3rd-world conditions but the level of poverty was a total surprise. Overall, I came away feeling the city had a veneer of commercialism spread thinly over a population in poverty.

Puerta Vallarta was a thriving city. It is obvious a huge component of their economy is tourism but it didn’t have the depressing feel of Cabo. It wasn’t just an attempt at a city wrapped around a port of call. The landscape and scenery were very appealing. The city had a tropical feel that was very relaxing. The gay section was remarkably large and seemed pretty well accepted. We saw local couples walking the streets and holding hands. No one batted an eye. The streets were all cobblestone which made for some interesting taxi rides. Over all, it was beautiful, friendly and inviting. And while it had an element of poverty, it was much more in line with what I would consider normal for any city. It was funny seeing so many guys of the boat going into the local “pharmacy” for medications you can get w/o a prescription there. heehee.  We only had time to visit a couple of the local bars. The Lanoche had a simple yet beautiful roof top deck. The bartenders were ‘very’ friendly. If you happen to go that way anytime soon, say hi to Louis and tell him Moby sent you.

Overall, it was a great experience. For PV, I think I’d just fly in next time and stay for an extended weekend or even a week. I didn’t get to see near as much as I wanted. As mentioned, I got totally homesick on the way back but I am glad I went.

Ten

It’s always nice to encounter folks that read my blog. It is; however, a tiny bit awkward when they politely remind me I haven’t been blogging lately. hehehe I say awkward only because I blushed a bit when it happened recently.

I’ve been a very busy fellow since the cruise and not much time to stop and cohesively put posts together. I have several in the works. Free time is everything these days it’s seems. And having the new R&C: Into the Nexus video game totally hasn’t interfered at all! [1]Having a hubby who brings home video games for me to play and enjoys that I play them is incredibly awesome btw!

In all the craziness as of late, I totally forgot I crossed the 10 year threshold. Yep, as of October, I’ve moved into year 10 of this here blog. You might or might not have noticed I changed my Blog title and tagline. It’s been an amazing 10 years and the breadth of what I’ve covered is staggering.  Two breakups, the death of my father, tons of personal growth, random drivel, ragging on friends, blogosphere scandals, etc have all been fodder over the years. I’m a bit amazed at it all to be honest. You start out thinking it’s just a mechanism to help with organizing your thoughts and then you wake up one day to find you’ve chronicled some of the most important and influential years of your life!

As always, I thank all of you who read and continue to read. I never tire of hearing from readers. I often wonder how many are left that have been following me since the beginning. I’m sure it isn’t many but I know there are some. They pop up here and there or message me out of the blue. That or they make a random comment that clearly shows a knowledge of past events. hehehe I’m always incredibly flattered.

Moving into the 2014 year, I am hopeful it continues to be as bright and happy as the end of 2013 has turned out to be. I’ll continue to try and blather about things I care about and my on-going struggle to be a better man.

To all of you, I offer my most sincere thanks for so much of your attention.

References

References
↑1 Having a hubby who brings home video games for me to play and enjoys that I play them is incredibly awesome btw!

Cruise

I’m leaving for vacation tomorrow. My first real trip away in almost 4 years. I got to go see my brother a while back but I was also on a work trip so I couldn’t really do much or stay long. And let’s face it, doing family visits is not a vacation. hahaha

Anyway, I’m doing the Atlantis cruise to Puerto Vallarta and Cabo for 5 days. My two besties from back home are going as well. It promises to be an event. I hope those homos can survive the three of us together for 5 whole days in one place! Those two dirty snatches are just evil and I’m the only sane one in the bunch. [1]You totes believe that right?  And I finally get to use my passport for something other than a 2nd form of ID.

I’ve been planning this trip since last year and I must admit I am excited, part of me is anyway. Finances were a mess last year and I honestly wasn’t sure if it was wise to plan such a costly trip. But, it all worked out thankfully. My finances are still a bear but I’m well on top of them and even got a consolidation loan recently to tie everything together. I’ve worked OT off/on for the last few months to help pay for the cost so it won’t dent my normal budget at all.

Part of me is a tad sad because The Pup can’t go. I could have gotten him a ticket (half price even) but with his transfer being so fresh and moving into the holiday season, he just couldn’t get the time off. I’d tinkered with the idea of canceling but he forbade me from doing so. Now that it’s here, I’m glad he did. I’m excited to get away but I’m also excited to see my friends. I haven’t seen either of them in years and I truly miss their dirty snatches. I wish they both could move and live here with me. [2]Though I doubt SF would survive the event.  I’m also very happy to have a partner who doesn’t me doing it w/o him.  He is perfectly fine with me going. Besides, we’ve been inseparable since he got here, he probably wants a break. hehehe That said, I still wish he was coming along. He’s become my best friend and I just hate doing it w/o him. But as he says, there is always the next trip. And yes is right,  we’ll have plenty of time to gallivant around together over the years ahead.

I have scheduled a few random posts to go live while I’m gone. No, I will not be live blogging from the cruise. The Internet ain’t cheap and the roaming for cell service is truly astronomical. I find it ironic Tmo did away with roaming from within other countries but while on a boat I’m still hit with heavy fees. I can use my cell and data from Cabo or PV w/zero extra cost but let me connect to cellular on the boat and my goose is cooked! Anyway, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories and pics when I get back.

Cooper isn’t going either I’m afraid. Don’t think I didn’t look into it. No, he’ll be staying home as well. The Pup and my roomie are both around to take care of him so I don’t have to worry. Luckily, even if they weren’t around I have enough local friends I could have left him with. I would not have kenneled him. He’s come a long way since I rescued him but the idea of him thinking I abandoned him would have ruined the entire trip for me. No, he’ll be home lounging for days before he knows I’m gone. Ok, not really but I’d like to think so. hehehe He’ll miss his daddy but be in excellent hands while I’m gone.

While a tiny bit sad, I am still very excited! I’m eagerly awaiting the trip and the experience!

References

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↑1 You totes believe that right?
↑2 Though I doubt SF would survive the event.

Grey

Someone asked me via social media if I was planning to dye the grey out of my beard since it is getting more noticeable. The answer was no.

I admit, the first few stragglers were nipped out but after a bit it just seemed pointless as there were plenty coming in. I don’t mind it at all. I started greying around my ears about 10 yeas ago. That region is full on grey now. haha My beard has only gone greyish in the last year or so. It doesn’t bother me one bit.

Age comes to us all and being someone who never expected to see my 40’s, I’m perfectly fine with how I am. Seeing grey hair on other guys never bothered me when I was younger, I guess it should be no surprise it doesn’t bother me now. I’ve seen plenty of men where it even  enhances their look. I won’t go so far as to say that for myself, I just don’t mind it.

Oh sure, the vanity in me wishes I was less wrinkly, more buff, blah blah blah. Some vanity is natural but when it overtakes reason, you often see some bizarre results. Anyway, I have no plans to dye my beard, my mustache, or my remaining head hair.

So far, there hasn’t been an invasion down there. And even there I don’t think I’d mind. I’m more focused on the functional parts vs the colors, if you catch my drift. And so far (knock on wood) that function functions just fine. hehehe [1]Just ask my Pup

I know many men get all stressed over it as it shows age and is often inappropriately associated with old age. Meh, I can’t be bothered. I’m still in the best shape of my life and I’m much more focused on that. Anyone who would deign me out of reach is not my concern. It just seems so silly. I still don’t understand guys who comb their hair in odd ways to cover up their baldness. In most instances, it only makes it more noticeable. Of course, if recent research pans out, balding may become of thing of the past.

On the flip side, I don’t think less of anyone who does.  If it is that important to you then who am I to say you shouldn’t. If you don’t end up looking like a Warner brothers cartoon character and it makes you happy, I say go for it. It just isn’t for me. And what works for me doesn’t work for all. I know several guys who wash the grey out and it looks fine because they don’t go overboard with unnatural shades of color. I would argue if your attempts to combat baldness or greying make you look worse, you should just give up the fight and accept it.

Grey or no grey, I’m still just me. I can accept the signs of age even though I don’t always want them.

References

References
↑1 Just ask my Pup

Edu-ma-ka-tion

After almost 2 decades, I finally won a battle against my technical school, that may sound like eye-tee-tee, and the DOE (Dept of Education).

In a nut shell, I attended said school for a whopping two semesters before dropping out. I dropped out because I was misled by the school and the recruiter on the necessary prerequisites required. The ploy was the class didn’t require 2 years experience yet all of the instructors expected you to have it and taught based on that assumption. I’m smart but I could not overcome a 2 year difference between what was expected of me and what I had. After going thru the process, I was supposed to only be billed for the two semesters.

Fast forward to the end of my loan, I was notified I still owed more. Apparently, the school had billed me for the entire first year, or more to the point,they billed the DOE. I disputed the amount and sent in the documentation showing my attendance and termination. I heard nothing and assumed it was done.

Fast forward again to the mid 90’s, while I’m living in Colorado, I get a collection bill for the outstanding amount plus interest. It’s been almost 10 years atthis point and having survived a bout of being homeless, I could not find my copies of the original records. I call, go thru the process, and request my records from the school. The school first refuses then sends me everything but my attendance dates. I submit everything and once again hear nothing.

Fast forward one more time to earlier this year. I get a new collection notice along with a new bill for interest which is twice the actual amount being billed. I am like, “oh hell naw!” I call and dispute yet again. I get the same run around as before even after they admit they can see all the original documentation notes. Yet, w/o any of the actual copies they are unwilling to proceed. I languish in limbo while attempting to have them contact the school and get my attendance records, since the school will not send them to me. [1]Having made a dispute, legally the debt – holder has to show proof the debt is valid.  A few months go by and I hear nothing. This time I am unwilling to just ignore the problem. I call back and get more excuses. I’m feeling very annoyed and not at all content with this nonsense.

One day, I happened to be digging thru some old papers in an unrelated attempt to clear some clutter and what do I discover? My old documentation. It had somehow survived in the two boxes I managed to keep all these years. Color me surprised. I notify the DOE, get to the proper forms in the mail, fill them out, attach all the documents, school records, etc. The school of course tries to dispute it, but being on their original forms they were unsuccessful.

I was notified today that not only am I no longer expected to pay the outstanding 2 semesters, I am also due a check for just over $500 from an overpayment! Reading between the lines here means that school will have to cough up that money. I’m absolutely tickled.

References

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↑1 Having made a dispute, legally the debt – holder has to show proof the debt is valid.