Redrum

I’m sure you’ve heard about the death of CK. [1]I won’t give any ad clicks by saying his full name here.  I got a surprising number of emails asking my opinion on his death. My opinion doesn’t really matter, but I clearly have some thoughts.

CK built a career of hatred in the name of christian (white) nationalism. He was openly and proudly racist, homophobic, xenophobic, and misogynist. He said black people were subhuman and steal everything they get from whites. He proclaimed gays were worthy of death and actively supported allowing men to openly attack trans women. He laughed at the idea of immigrants being eaten by alligators.

To say he was not a good human being is putting it mildly. He was a human devoid of any humanity.

It’s ironic his very last words were shrugging off mass shootings as gang violence. [2]More code switching for race baiting  He had previously proudly proclaimed, after yet another school shooting where innocent children died, that “some deaths were necessary to support our 2nd amendment rights.” One could say he died for that belief.

And yet, I’m expected to have empathy? The same empathy he denounced as not real and weak. No, I won’t mourn for a man who profited off spreading hatred. I won’t waste a 2nd thought on a “christian” that shrugged off the murder of children.

It’s a shame I don’t believe in Hell. If I did, I might find some comfort in knowing he would at least pay for all the harm he caused in life. No, he’s just dead and we’re left with the aftermath.

*

Let me be clear, calling out the cruelty of his life is not the same as celebrating his death. Murder is not ok. I don’t support murder. If they find his killer, he should face the judiciary process. But don’t ask me to mourn the loss of such a person. You are entitled to feel however you wish. Your feelings over my lack of empathy is just that…yours.

If you haven’t seen the video, it was brutal. He died just the way he lived, horribly.

References

References
↑1 I won’t give any ad clicks by saying his full name here.
↑2 More code switching for race baiting

Death

Today is the 20th anniversary of the death of my coworker / classmate / friend Francine Wriley. Sadly, she committed suicide.

Francine took her own life after leaving SF Dispatch. She moved with a close friend to Austin, but struggled with life in Texas. She was a fellow Alphabet Mafia member and spent most of her life in the Bay area.

We were friends, but not overly close. She had a rough life but had a heart of gold under her rough exterior. We were just starting to get closer when she decided to leave SF. Why will always be a mystery to me. I have my opinions but it’s not really relevant.

She had planned to come back to SF. She could have even come back to work without losing any seniority. However, in a moment of isolation she ended her life. There was nothing I could have done because I didn’t even know at the time she was struggling.

I try to remember her every year. I always wonder what dispatch would be like if she had come back. I wish she had. I miss her.

*

Take a moment to check on those you care for from time to time. Life is precious.

T-Mo No

So after 25 years, I switched from T-Mobile to Verizon. Actually, when I first signed up for T-Mobile it was still Voicestream, for you folks that are old enough to remember that.

I used to be a staunch proponent of little scrappy T-Mobile. It was always a little behind the times cell carrier, but they were also very reliable and the customer service was exceptional. The cell service wasn’t great but it was still decent. I really liked the identity of the company and since my service was dependable at the very least I stuck with it. I’ve had the same cell phone number almost since that same time frame.

After several mergers and when the previous CEO left, it became pretty obvious they weren’t interested in carrying on with the “uncarrier” approach that made them so lovable. But at the end of the day my service was still pretty stable. It wasn’t always the best, but it was consistent.

The final straw came late last year when they removed my work discount and raised my rates on a plan that was supposed to never get an increase. They’re currently facing multiple lawsuits on that front but I could care less. With nothing left to distinguish them from the other carriers, I figured if I’m now stuck paying the same rates, I should at least have better cell service.

I waited until I upgraded my pixel 9 to the pixel 10. If you follow here with any regularity you know I have great pretty much every year because Google gives a fat discount on the new phone trading in the old one. I end up paying a fraction of the cost to get the new phone.

Jump to today where we decided to go down to the store instead of trying to do it over the phone. We were just a little apprehensive of losing our cell phone number, since we both had them for such a long period of time. We wanted to make sure there were no problems.

Everything went smoothly until I got to my Pixel watch.  There was a snafu which led to two and a half hours of the in-store tech working on it with customer support to get it fixed. After escalating two tiers it was discovered to be a weird administrative error that totally screwed everything up. Once the tier 3 tech guy discovered it, it all fell into place. And while this is not a glowing first impression, the tech in the store stuck with it. She made sure it got fixed and never once acted upset or irritated. She even went to bat for me for two separate discounts after all the trouble.

I’m certainly not under any delusion Verizon is any better company than T-Mobile. Frankly they’re both greedy corporations, but at least now I have better service for the same price.

Social

I’m slowly finding my way on social media again. I’m not spending every day or posting a lot of updates but I’m checking it again to get updates on those around me.

I’m sad to say I’ve resorted to at least checking FB occasionally. I was really disappointed to see so many drift back over time. I can’t surf FB or even IG for more than a few minutes and I’m just over the ads. I put out updates about the surgery and it was an onslaught of responses vs the few I got on BS. I don’t know what I was expecting, but don’t expect me to ever embrace it again. I’m mostly only posting critical info and/or sharing posts from here. Everything else will be on Bluesky.

Bluesky is a worthy alternative, has a large user base now, and thankfully free of the massive ads and junk for the moment. I’m not so naive as to think it won’t ever have ads, but cheese and crust the avarice never ends on FB. BS is coming out with a sub app called Flash to offer an IG alternative. The Apple version is already out and I’m anxioulsy awaiting the Android version. Basically, it allows you to focus on photos and vids and filter content, even though it’s still part of BS. I kind of like that approach instead of the terrible Threads adaptation IG tried. Ugh, what a mess.

I won’t ever go back to twitter unless it is sold and purged of all the hate.

Well, there you have it. I’ve succumbed to the demon that is FB…for now,

Lady

I’ve gotten a few requests about Miss Daisy. She’s still sassy as ever. She turned 8 a couple months ago so she is moving into her elderly years. She hasn’t really slowed much so far. A little less here and there but she’s herself.

She’s taken to barking a lot more recently. Not sure what spurred it but we’re having to introduce some isolation time when she gets out of hand. (Bullies hate being separated from their owners at home. It is often a very effective behavior modifier. Otherwise, she is still a joy.

She did surprisingly well when we went away on our honeymoon. We’d never been away from her so long before. Lucikly, we had friends too spend time with her at home. We didn’t need to kennel her. She, like Cooper was left at a shelter and she still clearly fears being abandoned. She isn’t quite as bas as Cooper was in the beginning, but leaving her at home in her safe space is always our plan.

Her days are filled with nagging Shawn and I for treats. She had to go on a diet recently and she was not amused. Lol She is down to an acceptable weight zone again so we are slowly adding more treats into her diet again. She’s falling in love with one of our elderly neighbors across the street. And he for her. He always carries treats no matter when he is out just in case he runs into her. She goes nuts anytime he is outside and she sees him from the window.

She’s had a couple health issues but both minor so far. Like any bulldog we finally had to put her on allergy meds. She tolerates them well and they do help. Beyond that she is healthy and happy. She spends her days basking in the sunshine at home w/Pappa Shawn and her evenings curled up between my legs lounging on the sofa.

And as always, I ask you how could anyone could abandon that face? It is beyond me to understand.

Better

Well, I’m still healing. The doc says everything is as it should be. I’ve been released of all restrictions, with the caveat to ramp up slowly. I can start doing legs again in the gym, etc. Yay! I also get to stay with the new doc moving forward, which is very good news. The previous doc had the personality of a paper weight.

On the “function” home front, I can report everything is still exitable, if you catch my drift. Hehehe The output is still significantly reduced, which is disappointing. He says there is still room for improvement though. It’s usually a full 90 days after before things are “set”. I’m not going to lie, it is upsetting for me to think I’m losing some of the baby batter. Lol I knew there’d be some reduction but I’m shocked at how much. It’s practically a trickle compared to what it was before. That said, the procedure was still necessary as I’d exhausted any benefit from the meds. I still have my ‘function’ and ability to enjoy it so all is not lost.

I’m eager to put this behind me. I’ve got enough going on without more of my body falling apart. Hell, it sucks getting old. The mind is nimble but the body is like “WTF?” 😂 I feel like such a fuddy-duddy at times. I’m too young for that, mmmmkaaaay!

Mending

At home At home recovering So, I know it has been a minute but here we are. I had the prostate procedure and it was a textbook success according to the Dr. If you missed it I had a prostate ablation [1]a fancy way of saying the cut my prostate down in size  I’m still recovering but back at work. Unexpectedly, it was an overnight stay. Apparently, they have to continuously wash the bladder  with saline for 24 hours to avoid blood build up and large clotting. This translates into having a catheter in for 5 days! Lawd, that part was not fun, at all.  Overall, the experience was as good as could be expected.  My only real complaint was the hospital bed was very uncomfortable.

I put it off for a long time because normally this type of procedure can leave lasting efffects on one’s ability to “get it up.”  I might be in my 50’s but I still use that bad boy and often. Lol  So I wasn’t a fan. Unbeknownst to me, they have a new procedure that uses water instead of a laser. The latter has virtually zero chances of ED. I discovered in the hospital while the male nurse’s aid was cleaning my groin/catheter that indeed it still worked. *evil grin*  He kept moving it around and even though the catheter was very uncomfortable it started doing it’s thing. He was clearly gay and not at all annoyed. Hehehe  I told the Dr at my follow up and he got a huge giggle out of it as well. I should mention the Dr is gay as well. He apparently liked that I was “above average” for his normal patients. Take that how you will.

I’m being slowly released back to normal functions. It’s been roughly 3 weeks now. At first, no sex, no gym, no motorcycle. Of course, I’m like, “well f*ck my  life”. Lol But I’m back in the gym doing mostly upper body and light cardio. He released me for short rides on the bike as well. It is too soon to know what my new normal is, but we’ve already confirmed I’m able to completely empty my bladder again. One problem solved. The frequent bathroom trips are still an issue but it seems because the prostrate is very sensitive. [2]Go figure. Lol  Anytime, anything moves past it in my bowel (you can fill in the blank there) I’m overcome with an immediate need to pee. This is supposed to go away as it heals. *fingers crossed* Oh, and I’ve been released to go back to shenanigans as well. Hehehe  Sadly, still very little “production” due to the surgery but now that I’m off all the meds, I’m hopeful that  should improve over time.

Overall, I’m very hopeful this will end my general issues. If only my back was as easy to fix. But hey, one day at a time, right?

References

References
↑1 a fancy way of saying the cut my prostate down in size
↑2 Go figure. Lol

Ablation

Well, in the continuing saga that is my prostate, I’m finally reaching some potential resolution. Fun topic, I know!

So, if you ain’t from around here, you’ll not know that I’ve been dealing with an enlarged prostate since COVID. [1]Unrelated to COVID itself  The problem was exacerbated because my hard-headed ass was using Afrin every night to sleep. (Apparently, Afrin is hard on your prostate.) In my defense, I couldn’t get the elective nasal surgery and I couldn’t sleep at night because my nasal passages would completely close off during sleep. It was a no win scenario so I have no regrets for my decisions. 😂

Anyway, 2023 rolls around and we find me taking various meds to alleviate symptoms. All is good but only as a stopgap moving forward. And now in the present, the meds aren’t really working much anymore and I pee every hour on the hour. Who knew I’d ever find myself missing a solid pee stream…

I haven’t really been a fan of my current urologist, but the doc doing the ablation is not only much more personable, but also gay. It was a relief to realize he understood some of my concerns without a lot of detailed discussion. So the procedure is scheduled for early June. There is a newer technique that uses water instead of a laser that is supposed to eliminate any effects on Mr Happy being able to stand at attention, so to speak. Reviewing some of the outcomes, I’m happy to have this option. I might be in my 50s but that is still an important part of life.

I was surprised to discover it does require an overnight stay in the hospital. Not a fan of that at all, but there is no way around it. My biggest disappointment is no gym (weight lifting) or motorcycle for up to 6 weeks! That is going to be tough. At least I can still go do cardio after the first couple weeks. But no motorcycle is a total bummer.

Wish me luck!

References

References
↑1 Unrelated to COVID itself

Self

I’ve felt a bit overwhelmed lately. Nothing too crazy just feeling like I have more responsibilities than free time. In reality, that’s not exactly how it is, but that’s how I feel.

My job seems to have an increasing impact in my overall quality of life. I used to shrug it off, but as I age shrugging it off doesn’t seem to work as much anymore. Considering I’ve been dealing with raw emergencies for 24 years I guess no one is immune. I’ve finally had to admit to myself I can’t just move past it anymore. I know Shawn gets frustrated with my lack of motivation at times as well. I do try more at times for him because I don’t want to be an old fuddy duddy, who does nothing. The ongoing back issues certainly haven’t helped.

The latter has been affecting my sleep more than normal and I’ve realized it’s affecting my moods. We bought a new mattress only a year or so ago, but it’s just not cutting now. We just ordered a new one and went with a traditional style vs a hybrid. We had great luck with the original Casper mattress we bought but it seems I need something firmer now. It arrives next weekend and I’m eager for it to get here.

All that aside, I’ve felt a little more like myself this past week. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I’ve been back in the gym. With everything going on I’ve had an absolute shit gym schedule. I did get back into it this week and I’m wondering if that’s why I feel better.
The stressors haven’t really gone down so it’s the only thing different.

I think as I age the gym is more important than ever for not only my physical health but my mental health as well. Lawd knows I get depressed anytime I catch up on the news. It’s just all a total shit show and half the country is applauding our demise. I just try to steer away and focus on my sphere of existence.

So if you’re struggling like me try to find the things that give you peace. Maybe it’s not the gym, maybe it’s art, music, or whatever.

Hang in there.